


Romans predicament

by ExistentTrash



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: (a lot of crying), Angst, Blood, Crying, Guys it's just really angsty, He gets better though I promise..., I love the snake boi alright, Insecurity, M/M, Manipulative Deceit, Panic Attacks, Roman Angst, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, Some type of eating disorder (I don't know if this should be here but I think it's a vaild warning), Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Tell me if there are any warnings you would like me to add, cursing, harmful words, like... so much angst., self-depreciation, self-hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-01-06 06:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18382610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentTrash/pseuds/ExistentTrash
Summary: In which, Roman angst. That's all I’m saying. Prepare to suffer, you’re welcome and I’m (not) sorry (;-;).





	1. - A/N -

**Fandom -**  Sanders sides, Thomas Sanders

 **Pairings -**  Platonic LAMPD/CALMD, eventual romantic Prinxiety and Logicality

 **Warnings -** Roman angst, self-loathing/hate, a lot of self-depreciation, blood, harmful words, angst... like so much angst, cursing/swearing, crying (a lot of crying), self-doubt, insecurity, there's no self-harm but there are suicidal thoughts... kind of. Guys, it's just really angsty, manipulative Deceit, he gets better though I promise... I love the snake boi alright? Panic attacks, some form of an eating disorder (I don't know if this should be here, but I think it's a valid warning)  **Please inform me if you think I have missed any warnings, and please be safe guys <33.**

 **Notes -** This fanfic is also up on my Wattpad account (existenttrash) as well as my Tumblr account (Untitled/daxarster). If seen posted anywhere else, please politely ask them to take it down :))

 **Summary -**  In which, Roman angst. That's all I'm saying. Prepare to suffer, you're welcome and I'm not sorry (;-;).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I love you guys and hope you enjoy this fanfic! Peace out!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_  
>  **


	2. 1- And so it begins

It only really started to become a huge issue during these past recent years. Ever since the first real Sanders Sides video actually. Yeah... October 19th, 2016. That was when it really started. Though back then Roman didn't really pay attention to those negative comments splattered about here and there occasionally on the videos because it just wasn't something that phased him back then... but as the videos began to get more and more popular, growing a fanbase even, well... that's really when it started going downhill...

Hundreds of thousands of people viewing each video every day and becoming extremely invested in them (the 'characters') and their respective personality aspect. Fans from all around the globe watching him on a screen of some sort. It was amazing and of course, as all things do... it all inevitably lead to criticism.

And yes!

Of course, at the beginning with the videos, it was overly positive even surprisingly creating a whole fanbase based around it. Just for Thomas' personality... but then again... with good criticism, there comes the bad.

And it was a living hell for Roman.

As mentioned earlier it was great at first. The overwhelming amount of positive reviews and reactions had made Roman feel... amazing, he was working day and night on pure adrenalin back then. He felt confident. Invincible even... He felt like I could do anything. For his fans. For Thomas. For his fellow sides... to create something great for them. To have them love him as much as he loves them... but with each passing day as he scrolled through comments on older and newer videos, he came to a realization...

Everyone... hated him.

They absolutely loathed his existence... or well that might be an over exaggeration, but it is more or less true.

It only really started leaping out to him when subtle hints in comments began to become more and more obvious and popular.

He thought  **'** _Hey I'm not there... do they not love me as well?_ **'** , but of course, because of his still being in denial, he brushed it off. Shrugged off the feeling of doubt that made his heart heavy in an upsetting way.

As time continued, more comments similar to that began to pop up more frequently on his personalized dashboard and well... he found out quite quickly that... Virgil was the favorite... everyone's favorite side was  _anxiety_.

Sure at the beginning, Roman wasn't too fond of him, but things change and... he's become rather attached to Mr. Gloom and doom as of late. Virgil comforts him in a way he wouldn't have ever thought he would need to be comforted. And he... he deserves to be the favorite. He deserves to be happy. He has been through so much over these last couple of years, mostly due to Romans rather rude and  _annoying_ behavior and personality. So Roman quickly got over his small discomfort with Virgil being the favorite and accepted it. Though, of course, that took time and it  _slightly_ bruised his ego of course.

Next Patton's name began popping up on his notifications quite often. Roman was expecting this of course. Patton. A literal ray of sunshine. If anyone he would've expected him to be number one, but maybe not. So yeah, Roman wasn't too surprised finding out he is second in favor. He can respect good old padre.

And for a while things were fine. Back then Logan wasn't the most... well... 'open', so of course Roman settled for third place. At least he had a place on the pedestal. At least he had a bronze medal. At least he had  _something_. But then Logan began to open up to everyone and that eventually got out to the public and well... you know the story. Roman could never hate Logan for showing his real self, for wanting to feel more comfortable with the rest of the sides and his fanbase. Logan was a smart and respectable trait... he also deserved to be up there with the rest of them... but that meant...

Roman was in the last place.

He doesn't know how he didn't see it coming. He should've. Of course, he couldn't have been the favorite. He doesn't even deserve to be on the board. And the sooner he realized that, the worse it got. Roman thought it was good to accept your flaws (according to Virgil and Patton), but the more he did accept them... it just got so much  _worse_. Just... so fucking bad.

Shortly after the  **'** _Accepting Anxiety_ **'**  videos were up and comments were flooding in did it really start to get bad. That was when things kicked off. When Roman began to feel like complete and utter garbage.

Words were thrown at him for attacking everyone's favorite side...

At first, his first thought on this comment was...  **'** _Well he isn't exactly a person_ **'** , but after a while of thinking, he got what they were trying to tell me... Virgil wasn't someone to be played with. To be insulted. He didn't deserve it, but Roman just couldn't help it...

He hadn't meant to be so vicious in those videos. He was having a hard time figuring out why people hated him so much and still hadn't accepted it back then. He had to get rid of that extra hatred. He had to get it out somewhere... and Virgil... the poor guy. He was just there. And Roman couldn't help it...

Roman's sure if he watched the video over again when everyone was in Virgil's room he could see the realization cross his face as he realized he was the least favorite for that exact reason. Roman really is an asshole. A prick. And that's why Roman had decided to apologize in the first place... but he just couldn't bring himself to spit it out. Pride got in the way... but the more he thought about everything he had ever said to Virgil... the more he realized he didn't hate Virgil...

Roman liked him.

Quite a lot actually. Roman just preferred Virgil's company over the others sometimes... even if it was just silly banter and small arguments Roman... Roman does like him. And that's what really pushed him to apologize in the end.

But that wasn't enough.

Roman's not enough.

And he knows that...

He just has a problem he can't fix. He can't stop being... a mistake. Roman kept insulting Virgil even after those couple of videos, and even if Virgil said things like  **'** _I can see the effort_ **'**  or some bullshit along those lines Roman Knew he still messed up. He just couldn't stop messing up lately. He  _still_  can't stop messing up.

At this rate, he's not even going to be able to become friends with the darker side... sure they have established a truce of not lashing out at each other as much, but honestly who would blame Virgil if he were to break that truce... who would want to be genuine friends with Roman of all people? Why not Patton? Mr. Cookies and hugs? Why not Logan? The quirky down to earth nerd...

And to think Roman thought maybe... he could be something... maybe... more than friends with the anxious side...?

No.

It was a one-off thought. Roman needed to stop thinking like that.

Anyway... after the apology, it just got... worse if that was even possible...

**'** _I piss fans off?_ **'**

**'** _Fans think I'm... mean?_ **'**

**'** _Fans think I'm scary?_ **'**

 

**'** _I'm... rude._ **'**

...

After a while, Roman finally got the memo. No one really wanted him around. Fans seemed to hate him. Thomas sometimes even got frustrated with him and yelled. The sides even got tired of Roman from time to time... Virge got tired of him.

Then one day as he did his daily scrolling through the comments he came across one that just... set everything off.

 

It just triggered something.

And that's when it first happened.

**'** _lets do one of these except with no roman... we could all use a break from him..._ **'**

Those words carved themselves into his skin, leaving behind an indented phrase and bloody stains. The phrase that he had just read. A red burning accompanied it and he had let out a yelp. He thought he was dying. It hurt so bad. Tears were falling down his face and his breathing had picked up. The pain was too much. It was burning into the inside of his left arm as the phrase danced across Romans skin carelessly as if it wasn't causing immense pain. Once the terrible experience was coming to an end his breathing slowly decreased as did the pain. He pulled his white sleeve back, noticing the red stain that saturated the white fabric, but he didn't think much of it, but now he actually saw the words in his now irritated skin...

At first, he could only  _feel_  it. Each letter. He knew what it spelled out, but seeing it for the first time? It hurt even more, and it began to ache. The black lettering looked like it was blood in comparison with his skin, the big black phrase was dripping with  _something_...  and it only just then struck him that he was indeed bleeding.

Heavily.

Not knowing what to do back then he scrambled out of the room and into the common rooms (where thankfully no one was roaming around) and made it to the first aid kit Virgil and Patton planted in there just in case. Roman didn't know what he was doing as he dug through the kit, but there had to be  _something_...

Something... anything to help this aching hurt that reminded him of his flaws. Of the hate that the fans felt for him...

But he found nothing except a couple of bandages and some disinfectant to stop the bleeding and possible infections. It only helped the physical hurt he felt and he didn't know what to do from there. He still had this never-ending hurt deep down inside and he couldn't do anything about it! He was useless!... like he always was.

Roman ended up just blankly staring down at the mess he had made of bandages and various healing liquids, tears making their way down his face again and hitting the floor as he began to curl himself up into a ball. Violently shaking and screaming for  _someone_...  _anyone_ to help him. He called out for Virgil. Nothing. He called out for Patton... nothing. He even called out for Logan.

_Nothing_.

He was left alone like that for hours. The others must've been  _really_  busy with Thomas...

After a while of crying and screaming he had gotten himself together and began cleaning his mess up. He shakily rolled up the bandages and made sure everything was neatly packed back into the first aid kit, making sure Virgil, Patton, nor Logan would notice someone had used it. He'd also made sure there were no stains in the carpet of the mindscapes hallway from the panicked running he had done earlier. Roman just didn't want anyone to worry.

That would've panicked all of them, knowing that he needed a first aid kit. And they didn't need that burden. He burdened them enough as it was.

He had finally made it back into his room, sniffling quietly to himself as he cleaned everything up. Picking the chair back up that had fallen as he scrambled out of the room in a panic only a few short hours ago. He picked his cracked phone up and waved his hand over it, fixing it instantly with his abilities.

And after that?

He went to bed.

He thought maybe it would go away in the morning...

...

Spoiler alert.

It didn't.

After days of trying to figure out what to do about the continued bleeding words, he had created a thin undersuit of sorts and made it out of a specific fabric that soaks up the blood in case of unexpected words popping up at any time. Roman wears it twenty-four seven so the blood doesn't soak into his white prince suit when he's  **'** _socializing_ **'**  with the others. So far it has worked wonders. The others didn't notice a thing.

That was all just a couple of weeks before the  **'** _Can LYING be good??_ **'**  video and he was still scared and wondering why even  _more_ words were marking their way into his skin. By that time he had tried to become accustomed to it and to get used to it because he didn't want to bother the others with something so unimportant.

And after the lying video? When Deceit was introduced? Hah... don't even get him started.

He was an idiot.

An idiot to believe his lies.

An idiot for leading the others into his trap.

They- he almost fell for it.

Roman had let Thomas down. He let Logan down. He let Patton down.

He let Virgil down...

He should've listened to Virgil back then or at least he should've brought up why he was acting so strangely around  **'** _Patton_ **'**. He knew he had a weird feeling about it all and he should've followed his lead. Not take his spotlight like Roman always did... you would've thought he learned something by then, but nope. He's just an egotistical asshole. Like always...

He always lets them down and it shows. It shows that after every mistake he makes they hate him even more.

For example...

Once... when he felt like complimenting his little family consisting of Patton, Logan, and Virgil. He wanted to let them know he appreciated them. To let them know how much they meant to him. To let them know how much Roman loves them. To genuinely show them that... he cares for them.

So when everyone was gathered in the common room in the lounge... he said it. Roman said  **'** _I love you guys._ **'**  And he felt better about everything... until he heard the response he got...

**'** _Mhm_ **'**

Fucking  **'** _Mhm_ **'**.

From  _Patton_.

_Patton_ of all people!

The lovey, warm, bubbly, persona that is Patton responded to a confession of love with a  **'** _Mhm_ **'**.

Never had he ever in the whole of his existence had he ever heard Patton respond with  **'** _Mhm_ **'**  to any of the other sides when they said they loved us. He either awed or he responded with an  **'** _I love you too!_ **'**... it just bothered Roman ever since the hum had left Patton's mouth. He never got over it, regardless of the countless times, Patton had reminded me of his fatherly love for Ro... oh yeah right and the others didn't even bother to look up from their phone or book either. They just ignored the whole sentence altogether.

Even Patton didn't care for him...

Another time, once when Logan was yelling at Roman and he was yelling back (a couple weeks ago) did Logan finally admit the truth to Roman  **'** _I only entertain your silly and ridiculous little fantasies and ideas so Virgil and Patton don't lash out at me and make my job much more difficult than it needs to be. Honestly, I find it quite difficult to understand your purpose here at all sometimes. I can't believe I have to continue to make you feel better about yourself. You are Thomas' self-confidence! Act like it._ **'**... though to be fair it was in the heat of the moment during one of their arguments (they had been getting into a lot more fights recently) that they had about the subject of Roman constantly fishing for compliments... but still...

These were things he had said with full intent to hurt Roman and again... it was understandable. Besides... he's logic. Everything he says must be true... right? Logan usually never has emotionally charged arguments unless it was with Patton, so it must be true... he wouldn't use emotional tactics to get to Roman, he uses facts. So it must be a fact. A fact that Logan also hates him...

...

Then of course... it was Virgils turn to show how much he truly hated the 'creative' side. To prove and confirm it to Roman. And boy did he do that. Even if it was something as subtle as  **'** _God you're so annoying_ **'**... it still hurt.Oh right and the fact that he always sides with Logan in every argument they have. There are always those times where Roman would say or do something stupid and Logan would lash out at him and then Virgil would say something along the lines of  **'** _Well... you kind of deserved it..._ **'** and honestly those comments ripped Roman up inside... even little insults from Virgil hurt... even in the most recent video, Virge attacked me (all in good fun of course). Sure it was to prove a point, but it still hurt. Roman still regrets yelling right back at him...

Roman realized after all these ugly moments in his existence that it wasn't just the fans' words that plastered themselves across my skin, it was also the sides' words. And Thomas' words...

After the Patton incident,  **'** _Mhm_ **'** in big bold vibrant pink letters indented themselves across his right rib cage, bleeding for what seemed like hours.

After the Logan argument? That whole paragraph Logan yelled burned its way into the lower part of his back in a deep blue shade, the crimson liquid wouldn't stop flowing for ages. The words still weren't gone.

And Virgil's constant insults also decorated his skin in a way that made Roman physically sick, there was just something about the dark purple hue of the lettering that made him... feel just terrible. It feels like they never stop bleeding, though he knows realistically they do. He just couldn't bear to stare at the words Virgil uttered from time to time. He just couldn't look at them anymore. Even with the undersuit on he had to look at them every time he changed the undergarment (which was often these days), so he decided to make a change.

He found a solution to it. Well not a solution to the words themselves, but a temporary answer that worked pretty well in his own opinion.

Roman remembered (by staring intensely at Virgil from across the dining table) that makeup was a thing.

Makeup was his way out.

And it worked so well!

He conjured up a couple of bottles of foundation (the same type that Virgil uses) and covered the lettering of the dried up words and... they disappeared. Apart from the slight indent of the words, it was completely invisible. It covered his flaws and made Roman feel so, so, so much better. Thank you god, for Virgil's beautiful face and makeup capabilities.

After weeks of practicing putting the foundation on Roman found a shortcut to applying the makeup and now he could just wave his hand over the infected part of the skin and it would disappear under a thick layer of foundation.

Roman was so happy he had a breakthrough.

After months of suffering, he had finally had one good thing happen to him... and though it still hurts as the words dig themselves into his skin... at least he didn't have to look at them. At least he doesn't have to see the truth.

Even if he were to tell the others... would they even care? It doesn't seem like they would. Besides, He didn't want to bother them, he's causing enough trouble as it is... see he's been having a creative block lately. That's why Roman gave Logan a lot of control in  **'** _Logic vs Passion_ **'**  and Virgil a lot of control in the **'** _EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas **'**_. 

He had nothing creative go off in his head and thought he'd might as well record one of the arguments Roman and Logan had, had for the fans. Virgil also wanted to do some random Halloween video during the Christmas season (that turned into them belittling his past which was douchy on Romans part he'll admit... He should've stood up for him because Roman knew what the message was supposed to be, but he panicked and reverted back to that asshole version of himself everyone seemed to hate... even if he didn't know what the fuck was happening throughout that whole video he still feels terrible) and honestly, who was he to deny him? Roman just thought he might as well give them some insight... and sure the videos did pretty well-considering everything, but still. That was when he gave Logan and Virgil a lot more control over the videos... maybe they should just take them over completely. At least then everyone would be happier...

...

Sometimes he does seriously think about asking for help though... sometimes it just all becomes too much. Sometimes the pain of every word that has ever been on his skin... it just all comes back all at once for no reason, regardless if he can see them or not... though the foundation still helps.

He thought about asking Virgil for help once. He thought maybe because he understands to a certain point what it feels like to-... no... he's busy trying to feel better about himself as it is he's also trying to adjust to the lighter group of Thomas and he needs Patton to help him do just that... besides, he's got this angsty shit going on with Deceit and Roman doesn't want to get in the way of that... Patton helps him a lot more than Roman ever could anyway and he doesn't want to add to the pile and  _make_ them help him. Plus Patton also has things going on with Deceit and his own feelings, as well as helping Logan understand his feelings and that must be a lot for him... so those three are off the table... besides... it's a known fact Logan can't stand Roman and Logan's really really busy as it is, balancing Thomas' life and all...

Though it was a nice thought... having all of them help him out, especially Virgil...  Virgil always just had this certain charm to him that Roman enjoyed quite a bit, maybe a bit too much... but he had never thought about it until now especially after these words forced themselves into his skin. But... Virgil was always so endearing to him, though Roman would never admit it to anyone... it would just be awkward and he has way too many things going on right now. Besides Roman's sure Virgil hates him enough as it is and just pretends to enjoy his company, just like Logan does a lot of the time...

...

Oh right! Logan!

Roman snapped out of his little trance of self-depreciation and looked up into the (broken) mirror he was currently sitting in front of. He had to chat to Logan about future videos, though he's sure Logan would bring Patton along and Virgil too so basically it's just a conversation with all four of them and... that's gonna take a while to mentally prepare himself for. He hasn't spoken to the trio in a while, skipping out on family dinners and family nights and such. He's just been too busy and it's a huge hassle to put all that makeup on. Besides Patton still brings him dinner after they're done eating which Roman appreciates. Pat leaves it by the door so he doesn't have to look at Roman. And when Roman doesn't eat a meal, Patton would clean it up and do his dishes. Patton really is amazing.

But now Roman is having trouble putting his makeup on. A week ago he smashed his mirror after one of Virgil's comments on his appearance. He just got so sad and upset and he broke the stupid thing and hasn't fixed it since then because he didn't really have a reason to put foundation on until now. Roman remembers working for hours on his appearance that day trying to get it right and to make sure nothing was out of place so the others wouldn't notice... he even expected maybe a few nice compliments here and there, but Virgil didn't compliment him, no... instead, he blatantly said  **'** _You look fucking terrible, Ro. Are you okay?_ **'**  and it messed Roman up enough to smash the poor mirror...

And sure Patton told Virgil off for his language and ill will, but the damage was already done, and Roman had to change his stupid suit immediately, he could feel the blood soaking into it and... it only got worse from there...

Oh and now he remembers how the rest of that terrible day went. After smashing the mirror and fixing up his appearance he went back into the common area of the mindscape and bumped into Logan. Long story short they ended up yelling and screaming at each other (that was the argument where Logan told Roman the truth about how he felt about Ro) until everyone noticed Patton freaking out over the words thrown, even Virgil was yelling at them for making Patton cry. Logan immediately ended the argument and ran over to Patton to comfort him, obviously, Roman followed closely behind him and the three of them all chipped in to make Patton feel better, they even joined him in a family hug... it was kind of nice. The physical interactions and the family time was pleasant, even if one or two of them were already emotionally drained that day.

After Patton had calmed down they were all going to take some time away from each other, but Patton insisted on a family movie night, which was honestly... really nice for Roman. It had been a while since they did anything nice together as a family... though after the third movie ended when Patton was happily sleeping and leaning on Logan's shoulder Roman had finally apologized for the argument they had earlier that day, Logan just sighed in response and stood up with Patton in his arms to take him to his room. Roman sat there for a while in awkward silence with Virgil until he felt the tears well up in his eyes. Roman ran into his room shortly after that and never came out since.

After that exhausting day, he viewed the new paragraph that was written on his lower back from Logan's shouting along with a few new insults from Virgil. It still stung and bleed more than usual as they usually do after being said by a side, but it was nothing new... though that didn't stop Roman from crying an extra four hours than usual that night.

And now he was here.

Staring sadly at his cracked reflection... reminiscing about all the bad things that had happened recently. It was roughly fifteen minutes until Thomas woke up today and he hasn't even covered the scarred words that were written across his body yet. Not even the eye bags beneath his eyes had been concealed... Roman had just been so tired lately especially from the many new nightmares of Virgil, Patton, and Logan screaming at him, reminding Roman of all his flaws.

  And... what made it worse was that he wakes up randomly during the night to find a familiar burning sensation digging into his skin as the words imagined in his dreams appeared on his skin in a deep red shade. It confused him at first to find the blood soaked into his bed and the pain he felt all around his body... it was only supposed to be words spoken or written by other people, not words that were created by himself... but then again he  _tried_ not to think the worse of himself, though he does slip up (a lot more than I used to) and it just makes him feel so fucking terrible. He guesses it was because he didn't think badly about himself up until then and he wasn't getting words until then either... he doesn't know...

Though after a while, he realized it didn't matter who said, wrote, or thought the words... they still appeared regardless. He had to get new bedsheets and everything! Now he even  **'** _sleeps_ **'** in the uncomfortable undersuit too. It's like a second skin at this point. He's like a snake shedding its skin every time he heard an insult or any criticism. It's embarrassing! And- ugh did he just compare himself to a snake? Great now he's stealing Deceits thing, he can't even be original in his own thoughts!... not much he could do about it now anyway...

  There was really only one way the words would disappear anyway, and that was when he heard a compliment that he believed in wholeheartedly himself. Though that happened rarely recently. He just couldn't bring himself to believe people when they commented or said nice things anymore. Not after Logan had flat out admitted to pretending to care for him just to make Roman feel better. Who's to say everyone else isn't doing the exact same thing?... He just doesn't believe people anymore unless he has a real reason to.

Anyway, he fully stopped showing up in the common areas to socialize with the other sides because he didn't want to be criticized anymore... he was just so tired of it all. So fucking tired. And he can't even sleep properly anymore!

There has also been this new thing that has been happening lately... it's been making things so much harder. He literally has to stay in his room for days sometimes just recovering... they're kind of like Virgil's panic attacks he has from time to time, except for the fact that Roman's paralyzed head t to toe for hours as words cut themselves into his skin in huge waves, plastering Romans skin and overlapping over each other from time to time, usually soaking through his undersuit and white clothing and making Roman scream... or well... he tries to scream, but since he's in a paralyzed state of fear and complete pain all he can let out are loud whimpers, sobs, and pleads. It's honestly the saddest sight you'd ever see.

It's pathetic.

These... uhm... let us call them 'ego attacks' (as Roman likes to call them because he's not creative and can't come up with a better name) are the worst things Roman has ever experienced. He wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Not even his greatest enemies. It used to happen rarely, but lately, they have become more frequent... he's been having it once a week as of two months ago... he hates them. It's become far too frequent and he just wants it to stop!... He can't get anything done when he's in this condition, he only has two days free to do actual work a week these days! It takes him two days to actually get out of bed after these little episodes! He literally can't move for days! And it takes so long to clean and disinfect it all after the wave of words because it hurts so much to move afterward, but it needs to be cleaned pretty soon after just so there isn't a chance for infection or anything similar and it's all just... ugh... it's all so much and... it sucks, but he's...

He's used to it now.

It's just his schedule now.

It has been just under one whole year since the words appeared and two months since the ego attacks. So yeah. He's just kind of... useless nowadays. Sometimes he wonders if he should even be here anymore. There's no reason for it in his own opinion, though he knows he has to keep going or he'd just worry everyone and bring unwanted attention to himself... hah...  **'** _unwanted attention_ **'**? He never thought he would never want attention...

He craves attention sure, but lately, there has been a lack of it and honestly? It's not helping, but there's not much he can do except accept the new changes. He's sure the others have their own changes going on as well. Besides if he did bring it up everyone is just going to think he's seeking attention 'again' like all the commenters already think he does. There's no real point to continue, but honestly, he's just too cowardly to duck out or heaven forbid  _fade out_.

So he'll just keep going, he guesses.

He will use his conjuring abilities to create a foundation to hide the dark bags under his eyes that could rival Virgil's own.

He will use the foundation to cover up the words on any exposed skin anyone would notice.

He will continue to wear his stupid undersuit (that is basically like a huge bandage) under his real clothes.

He will continue to hide behind his signature cocky smile.

And he will do what he did best.

He will act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BAM! ROMAN ANGST COMIN' AT YAH FAM!- oOF... I'm so sorry about that, but I just... I can't stop. I just- my poor son! I'm sorry the chapter was kind of... well shitty in general. I can't write okay, im sorry! Ahhhh I can't. Okay so yeah that was the first chapter. Sorry again... but uhm... yeah! Sorry again, but I hope you enjoyed and yeah... also none of the other sides (Virgil, Logan, or Patton) are actually assholes, it's just how Roman's seeing the world around him. He's being pessimistic right now and can't see the good in anything, so even if something sounds like a joke, or not serious enough to take as an insult Roman is still going to see it as such. He'll overthink and overanalyze things and take it too far because his state of mind is just that warped. I don't know I just like angst okay? SO DON'T BLAME THE OTHER SIDES OR ROMAN THANKS I LOVE THEM ALL.**
> 
> **Oh yeah, and these comments are real. I was scrolling through Sanders Sides videos comments and saw these comments like low-key attacking the boi, but I know they didn't mean harm... I hope. I love this community and I'm just using them for Roman to overanalyze in the fic haha... but yeah. I censored the commenters names and profile pics just in case, but if you commented this you can ask me to take it down if you really want me to take it down! I'll just rewrite this part if it makes you uncomfortable! Anyway... sorry for ranting, but yeah! Peace out!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	3. 2 - Threats

Roman takes a deep breath in, in an attempt to soothe his thoughts if only for a few hours so he could get through this damn meeting. That's all he asked. Please. Just let him get through the day with minor injuries.

That would be a dream come true.

If only it was that easy...

Roman finally decided to get his shit together and to get dressed into his huge undergarment and prince suit, flinching slightly as a dried up blood patch got stuck on the fabric, but that happens way more often than it should so he just ended up ignoring the slight pain and carried on. He threw his sash over his shoulder and the pristine white fabric, sighing softly before waving his hand over a few bruises and dried up indented letters, they were now instantly thick with foundation. Roman wipes his fingers under his eyes and watches as the dark circles disappear beneath the pale liquid makeup. He messes his hair up a tad before dipping his hand in gel and raking his fingers through it and parting it to the side. Roman stares at his reflection with sad drooping eyes before starting his daily smiling exercises and laughing therapy he does every now and then to get his mood up before big meetings like these.

He pushes his hair back one last time before getting up from his vanity and cracking his neck softly before he hears the brain power up from the dream state it was in. Thomas has been having... nightmares a lot lately. Mostly due to the fact that Roman doesn't have the time nor the energy to help guide Thomas' dreams in the right direction. So he hasn't been having anything too  _extravagant_ happening these past couple of weeks. None of the others seem to be complaining though, so... Roman guesses it's fine? He doesn't know. He doesn't really pay much mind to it.

As the whole mindscape begins to light up as Thomas awakens Roman stretches slightly and puts on a big fake smile, making sure it's not too big or too small. It had to be happy, but also believable. Last time he overdid it Patton almost freaked out over it, asking if Romans face froze in the wind while he was laughing or something similar to that... and that can't happen again. Too much suspicion...

Roman finally decided to summon the door to the common space hallway, but the moment he actually saw the door... he froze up. He was just... staring blankly at the door... he can't do this. It's been weeks maybe even months since he'd been out of his room. Why did he think he could do this? He hasn't socialized in weeks! He can't do this... It'll cause too much suspicion- he... he needs to come up with an excuse or something- he can't go through hearing their words again. He'll break. He'll snap in front of everyone!

He sighs sadly to himself and slides down the door slowly whining and sobbing to himself. This was so stupid. He's so stupid. Godammit! He-

"Romannnnn!" A warm high pitched voice sings through the door.

Patton.

Maybe if he just... stayed quiet Patton would hopefully... go away.

"Roman!"

Just.

"Romannnnn!?"

Stay.

"Romannnnn, c'mon! I know you wanna come outta your hidey holeee"

Quiet.

"Roman, so help me if you do not open this door at once I will come in there and drag you out of bed! I haven't seen you in millennia!" The moral man stomps in a frustrated manner, his dad side finally coming out to play.

Roman sighs sadly to himself, technically speaking Patton couldn't come into his room without permission from Roman himself, but his dad schtick has Roman intimidated and he idiotically responded.

"Y-yeah! Sorry, Patton, I was just..."  _crying like the useless baby he is,_  "Getting ready! Sorry! Gimme a sec padre!" Roman tries to sound cheery.

"Oh! Ohhh, okay pal, I'll just wait for you out here. I'm just so excited to have everyone in one spot. Gee, it's hard to get a hold of you lately Kiddo" Patton comments unnecessarily.

"Sorry, Patton. I've just been busy with... video ideas and such" Ro chuckles nervously as he gets himself together, looking in the mirror once more before smiling softly and walking toward the door as Patton continued to drone on.

"I know! I'm just so excited! Even if this is for business reasons" He giggles excitedly as Roman began to open the door with a 'smile'.

Roman was immediately attacked with a big hug the moment he stepped out the room.

"P-Patton! Hah, jeez. Calm down. I'm alive..."  _Sadly._

"I know that! I was just... worried is all. It's nice to get physical confirmation every once and awhile you know?" Pat mutters sheepishly and pulls away reluctantly as he stares at Romans face... analyzing.

It's making Roman... very nervous.

But-

Roman made Patton worried? How could he do something like that to Patton? He's been worrying over... over nothing! Ugh, Roman's such a bad friend, he can't eve-

"Roman?..." Patton's tone catches him off guard.

"Hmm? Sorry I... just had a creative outburst in my head, hahaha..." The creative side coughs awkwardly and gestures in front of the two of them in an action to move forward.

"Shall we?" Ro asks as Patton eyes up the hallway Roman just gestured toward.

"... uhm... Roman... buddy. That's the wrong way" Pat laughs nervously and grabs Romans arm gently and drags him the opposite way.

"Oh... whoopsy" Ro scoffs to himself. He's so stupid.

"I guess I... haven't really... been out lately" Roman laughs in an attempt to lighten the mood. An attempt that seemed to work... at least temporarily.

"Oh-ho-ho. Boi, believe me, I've noticed! I've missed my spunky lil' creative child, Roman! I will no longer stand to be so detached from one of my children ever again, Ro." Patton huffs in an over the top protective tone.

It made Roman smile. A genuine, soft smile...

"I missed you too, Pat. I'm sorry. Hopefully, I'll be more out and about sooner or later" He smiles fakely as the two near the lounge entry. Roman knows what he just said wasn't true, but he couldn't help, but let the words escape his mouth.

"You better!" the dad figure pouts softly, but couldn't hold up the act and just ended up laughing hysterically.

"I'm- I'm sorry! Hahaha, I jus- I just missed you so much!" And suddenly he was crying in Romans arms.

Well, that went from zero to one hundred very quickly.

Oh jeez, it's been less than five minutes and Roman's already made Patton cry somehow. Ugh, why can't he do anything right?!

"Oh... oh Pat, calm down. I'm okay! Se-"

"I know Ro! I'm... I'm sorry I was just so- so- I just missed you so much a-and-"

"-Patton? Patton! What did you do this time Roman?" A very... let's say, frustrated trait began making his way toward the two like a man on a mission.

"W-what? I-" he... fucked up again. He should've made more of an attempt to talk and socialize with Patton. Roman knows how emotional Patton can be sometimes. Ugh... he's such an idiot!

"He didn't do anything! Jeez Logan, don't just jump to c-conclusions" Patton sniffles lightly.

"O-oh! Oh. I apologize Roman... but might I ask... why you were crying then exactly, Patton?" Logan gives a quick apology and continues on with his day, meanwhile Roman felt the word 'stupid' and 'idiot' sink into his skin for the thousandth time this month.

Between all the yelling and arguing and the apologies, Logan and Patton barely noticed the pained look on Roman's face as his blood stains the undergarment beneath his clothes.

"-I know Pat, I apologized immediately after I realized my mistake."

"I know that Lo, I was there. Doesn't mean it was any less accusing to Roman! I just got him out of his room and you're yelling at him already! I thought we worked past that..." Patton huffs and folds his arms in a pout as Roman composes himself once again.

Logan sighs in a frustrated manner before taking a deep breath thinking deeply about what he would say next very carefully.

"I'm sorry Patton. Please forgive me. You and I both know I have a bit of a temper... and ever since the beginning of this... uhm... how would I word this... this ' _relationship_ ' I've been rather... emotional lately and everything is very... heightened and I have not adjusted as much as I would have liked to at this point. If that was caused by my spending so much time with you or anything of the sort it doesn't matter. I am truly sorry I don't have better control over it. And Roman. I also am truly sorry, I am just... rather close to Patton is all and was oddly... defensive." Logan gushes out all in one breath.

Well, that was one thing. He actually apologized for stepping out of line... not like he did. Roman was the problem after all, and it was fair to assume that...

Wait a second...

Logan is...  _close_  to Patton?... wait... WAIT.

this ' _relationship_ '...

' _relationship_ '...

"HOLY SHIT! ARE YOU GUYS DATING?!" Roman screams at the top of his lungs as he falls to the ground in panic and confusion, trying to ignore the immense pain he felt as the new words ripped open from the impact.

"Language..." Patton mumbles lowly to himself before he realized Romans panic and confusion.

"Oh Roman! We had totally forgotten to tell you the news! I was just so excited and happy, and kind of confused myself! I had no idea what was happening at the time and before I knew it... well... BOOM! Logan just pops out of nowhere and asks. I think Virgil had some influence on this decision, but he won't admit to it. Of course, I said yes! I mean I didn't have any feelings myself at the time, but I was sure I could gain some if I gave him a chance! And looky now! I really do love Logan now! And only under a month and a tad-"

"Well, I'd hardly call it 'love' Patton." Logan flushes and is for once too flustered to say anymore.

"W-WAIT. WAIT. Wait. Wait. Holy shit- I mean shizzle. You're- you actually. Ho- wowwww" Roman stares in astonishment at the two.

This was just so much information to take in, and Roman had just left his room less than ten minutes ago.

Patton smiles fondly down at Ro and offers him a hand to get up. Roman takes it but he continues to stare in complete awe. Logan was beet red.

What a sight.

"I know right! Isn't it exciting!?" Patton chuckles warmly as Logan stares off into the lounge corner in an attempt to ignore the conversation.

"Uh- yes! Of course. I'm so happy for you two! I need every detail! I need a word for word scene play packed with every-"

"We hardly have time for that. No need to get into more... embarrassing memories and details I'd rather forget. Instead, I  _propose_  the idea of moving forward and meeting Virgil in the kitchen to discuss things. As that is the reason we are all here in the first place." Logan coughs awkwardly as he cuts Roman off mid-sentence.

"Oh, Logan!" Patton chuckles sinisterly.

"I wasn't expecting a  _proposition_ any time soon" Patton laughs as Logan's face turns from something from embarrassed to a combination of both regret and self-consciousness.

"Don't worry Lo, it's just a lil' joke. And of course, we have time for details! Why no-"

"N-no. It's quite alright Pat. Logan's right. We do need to finish this meeting" Roman smiles strainingly at the sight of the two.

Damn, the phrase 'fighting like an old married couple' never really makes sense until you witness it in person.

"O-oh... okay. Sure" Patton says sadly and looks to the floor before smiling softly and grabbing the two of the other traits by the arms and dragging them off to the kitchen where... lo and behold. Virgil was sitting in his chair at the table with his legs up and headphones plugged in.

The moment he noticed movement in the area his instincts flared up and he jumped slightly as his head flung up from his phone. His features softened slightly as he noticed it was just the three of them and ended up fully relaxing again regardless of their presence. He quickly took his headphones out and folded his arms before eyeing Roman up suspiciously.

It's making Roman extremely uncomfortable.

"What's up Ro" He smiles tiredly as Patton begins letting out a noise that you could only describe as a dad in distress. Roman gave Virgil the best smile he could muster up at that moment and was about to reply when-

"Virgil! What did I say about feet on the table! It's where we eat!" Patton cries like the father he was meant to be.

"But Mooooooom, it's just me feeeet" Virgil chuckles as he takes his feet off the table's surface.

Roman chuckled lightly as he realized Virgil's reference to the bow moment in Brave. Since when did Virgil start quoting Disney memes? That is...  _was_ Romans job.

The creative trait quickly takes a seat beside the seemingly in a good mood darker trait and winced slightly as the open scars of the words previously written into his flesh, came into impact with the back of the chair.

No one seemed to take notice though, especially through all the yelling about hygiene and food. It was mostly Patton and Virgil going back and forth while Logan intervened only when he had a point to make.

Eventually the three began to pipe down as Logan said something about moving on and getting to the point of the meeting, the other two pouted and sighed before nodding in agreement as Roman just sat there awkwardly rubbing his hands together in distress hoping he didn't say anything stupid as well as trying to deal with the pain in his lower back at the same time... Maybe if he didn't speak then maybe he wouldn't say anything stupid, and maybe they won't scold him for being the idiotic person he is. Mayb-

"Roman?" Patton waves his hand in front of the others face snapping him out of his dream-like state. Roman shakes his head in response and looks up at the other three in confusion and nervousness. Oh god did they just ask him something? Ugh, shit he really is stupid! He can't even listen!

"Sorry... what was that?" Roman asks Patton, trying to make his tone sound like he was joking, but all four of them knew he was really zoning out. Patton's eyebrows furrow in concern as he looks at the other two who share the same concerned and confused look. Usually, Roman's pretty alert, but he lost that trait quite quickly he supposes.

"Patton just simply stated that you look 'nice' today Roman" Logan states, waving his hand dismissively as he flicks through the pages in his book, about to get right down to business. Meanwhile Roman hardly believed that's what Patton really said and instead he decided to give Patton a weak smile, but ultimately he stayed quiet. Which obviously left Patton worried and Virgil confused. Since when has Roman ever missed out on a chance to be complimented? Never is the answer to that question.

"Ro... are you alright?" Patton asks out of the blue leaving Logan to get his nose out of his book and to actually pay attention to the situation. Roman looks up at the three blankly. Did they really pick up on it this quickly? Jiminy Cricket he needed to get his shit together... could he get any worse at his job at this point?

"Of course, Padre. Why wouldn't I be? I'll admit. I'm a tad tired, but other than that I'm as cheery as a cherry tree" Roman says, confused as to what he just said. ' _Cheery as a cherry tree?_ ' What does that even mean? "Uhm... well. If you say so kiddo" Patton mumbles to himself and looks to Logan in a worried manner. Logan turns to look at his companion and stares at the other in a dazed state. He wasn't quite sure what Patton was expecting of him.

All while this whole situation was happening a certain snake based trait materialized against his will at the door of the kitchen. He glanced around in bewilderment, trying to figure out where he was based on his surroundings and furrowed his eyebrows once his eyes came into contact with the other four sides. Some big conflict must be going down if all these negative emotions were anything to go off of... as well as a lie Deceit supposed. Now, who's been lying so much that he was summoned here against his will? Good ol' Virgil? Logan? Maybe even Patton?

Deceit glares at the four traits in an attempt to figure out which of them pulled him away from his work. Currently, he's trying to figure out how to make his voice heard so he could protect Thomas in his own way, but it's not going relatively well. He needs a way in again, but he's yet to figure this out without one of the other traits' help. Now. Which one is it? It's not Logan, for sure. What a surprise there... Virgil seems more confused than deceitful. Patton is just radiating concern and worry so that only leaves... woah. Yeah now that he focused on the oddly quiet Prince the more Roman screams lies. Now, what exactly is he lying about?...

As the four -or well three- personality traits continue to bicker Dee quietly walks toward the creative side from behind. Romans back is currently to him making it easy to rests his gloved hands onto the other's shoulders earning a frightened jump and a petrified gasp as Deceit comes into contact with Roman. Dee uses this physical connection to reach the real, raw truth as that is how it usually works. As long as he is physically touching the trait he can see the truth, or the lie being told. Sometimes it's helpful in situations like this, but usually, it's just annoying and quite sad sometimes...

Now, what was Roman hiding exactly?...

_Everyone hates me._

_I hate me._

_Why am I so stupid?_

_I can't do anything right._

_Mistake._

_Imbecile._

_Stupid Roman._

_I wonder why they still tolerate me?_

_I can barely tolerate me._

_I want to di-_

"Get off of him!" all of a sudden a certain dark and gloomy trait shoves the deceitful side off of the rather confused and frightened Roman. Everyone was rather shocked by Virgil's actions, but Virge stood by them and continued to glare at the other in aggression.

"Calm down Virge. I was just giving good old,  _confident and happy_  Roman here a nice shoulder massage" Deceit smirks in Roman's direction, who stares at the other in discomfort.

"Does it look like he wants your stupid shoulder massage?!" Virgil growls lowly standing defensively between Roman and the infamous Deceit. "I don't know?... why don't we ask the totally  _fine, happy, content, creative, and self-loving_  Roman that?" Deceit says staring directly into Roman's eyes in a threatening manner. Roman's eyes widen at the actions of the other, why emphasize those words unless... he knew something. Roman stares bug-eyed at the deceitful side as the other just smirks glad that he got the reaction he was hoping for.

' _At least Roman wasn't as stupid as he thought he was_ ' Deceit thought before turning his attention back to the grumpy trait who was still currently yelling at him, clueless of the conversation that just happened through eye contact between Roman and Deceit.

"- I mean who just does that!? Rests their hands on-" "Virge, don't worry... it's uhm... it's uhhh fine. God knows we need a good ol' shoulder massage every once and a while" Suddenly Virgil was interrupted by Roman's voice. The anxious trait immediately turns to face the creative side in shock and disbelief.

"What? Princy. No, you don't mean that- are you... serious right now Ro?-" "Calm down Virgil. I'm not mad that you just assumed how everyone feels. Roman and I are buddy's after all aren't we  _Ro_." Deceit smiles in Roman's direction. The use of his nickname and the way it rolled off Deceits tongue made Roman extremely uncomfortable, but he can't risk his... problem getting out to the rest of them! How did Deceit even know!? He hadn't told a soul. Ever. But the way Dee spoke about Roman didn't sit right with him and he definitely knows something, so Roman was determined to not let Deceit spill his secrets out to the rest of the world.

"Yeah... totally. Uhm. I invited him here to help with... the video ideas" Roman coughs awkwardly as Deceit smirks in Virgil's direction as he takes a seat next to Roman. Virgil glares in his direction and shakes his head immediately.

"No way. This isn't happening. There's no way in hell that I'm sitting here and looking at his stupid face! He's a liar! And-" "And... Roman's friend" Patton finishes Virge's sentence causing Virgil to stare at the bubbly trait in doubt before whimpering to himself. Virgil's fighting a losing battle at this point and he knows it.

"Patton..." Logan mutters, also uncomfortable with the situation."Don't worry Lo." Patton smiles at Logan and then to both Roman and Deceit.

"Everyone here knows I'm not... too fond of Deceit, but if... if he's Roman's friend then I think I can try to learn to be as well. Afterall Virgil, don't you remember how you felt when you were an outcast?" Patton mentions, trying to make everyone happy even though Deceits presence made everyone extremely uncomfortable.

"That's different Pat! I didn't impersonate you!" Virgil growls lowly, glaring at Deceit who was sitting oddly close to Roman that it made Virgil's skin crawl. He hates him. He hates Deceit so much.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Come now. I'm sure we can come to a compromise." Deceit smiles fakely in Virgil's general direction. Virgil glares back into the other's eyes and huffs as he sits down next to Logan and Patton on the other end of the table, far, far away from both Roman and Deceit.

"Fine. But I have one condition." Virge sighs in defeat as he puts his feet back up on the table, much to Patton's disapproval. "I don't want to hear his voice. Not once. I want to hear nothing from him. I will leave instantly if I hear his slippery, lying, snake-like voice at all..." Virgil huffs aggressively as Deceit nods happily.

"Of course Virgil. I'll just quietly return to giving Roman here, his well-deserved shoulder massage." Deceit smirks as Virgil growls lowly to himself. The silence is deafening as Deceit moves behind Roman and begins to rub Roman's shoulders again. Much to Roman's discomfort.

Deceit, on the other hand, needed more information. Those couple of seconds wasn't enough and he wanted to know how deep this self-hatred ran so he knows how to best... get Roman to 'help' him.

The moment his gloves come into contact with Roman's tense shoulders all the words come flowing in, in a steady rhythm.

_Stupid._

_Dumb._

_Not needed._

_Annoying._

_Self-centered._

_Hated._

_Can't do anything right._

Logan clears his throat as Deceit seemed distracted at the moment and also quite detached from reality (the other four clueless to the fact of Deceit's digging into Roman's feeling and thoughts) while he rubbed Roman's shoulders slowly.

"Ignoring... that whole ideal" Logan coughs awkwardly as he flips through his notebook again to a blank page to write down ideas for the next video.

"Unbelievable..." Virgil scoffs and glares at both Deceit and Roman to make sure nothing funny was going on. Roman couldn't even look Virgil in the eye knowing how much Virge absolutely hated Deceit. In reality, he'd never hung out with Deceit, but that was really only because Virgil didn't seem to like that idea... at all. And Virgil was much more important to Roman than Dee was... but now that was all for nothing. Now Virgil hates him even more... ugh. Roman, instead of making eye contact with the darker side, decided to settle for just looking down at the table awkwardly awaiting Logan's next statement for today's meeting.

"Roman, please hand me the idea's for this month" Logan states and holds his hands out for the usual huge pile of ideas Roman hands him every couple of months for new videos.

Roman's eyes widen as Deceit continues to dig his hands into Roman's shoulders.

He forgot the ideas. He didn't do anything since last time! Holy shit what was he supposed to say?!

_I'm so stupid. Why can't I do anything right! I hate this! I hate myself! I couldn't even come up with one idea in these past months!  I HAD MONTHS! Why couldn't he do that one thing!? Was he really to occupied with himself and his stupid bloodied words (that he deserved) that he couldn't even come up with one idea? This was Thomas' future! And he didn't come up with ONE IDEA!-_

Deceit immediately shook his head at Romans current thoughts and pulled away from Roman before saying something quite shocking to the core four.

"I dropped his pile of ideas in the dreamscape." The voice from behind Roman piped up as his hands left Roman's shoulders (finally). Roman turns and faces Deceit who was looking down at Roman in what Roman could only describe as... pity.

"What!? Why did you even have them!" Virgil shouts loudly in response to the sentence. "Roman wanted an outside source to go over them before you guys and your impossible standards shoot his ideas down over and over again." Deceit rolls his eyes and returns to rubbing Roman's shoulders.

"Is that true Ro?" Patton asks sadly as Roman furrows his eyebrows in Deceits direction. "Of course not! I... I mean. Partially. Maybe he did drop all my ideas in the dreamscape at one point... yeah. Uhm, but it's not because I didn't want my ideas to be criticized by you! I can handle criticism okay?" Roman grumbles to himself angrily.

_'Lies.'_  Deceit thinks to himself. Dee would be lying if he said he didn't feel bad for Roman. After going through all this self-loathing it really makes you feel bad for the guy. But he doesn't feel bad enough not to use him. He needs Thomas to see his side of things, and that comes first before anything else... and that includes Romans feelings.

"Yeah, of course, buddy. I didn't say you couldn't." Patton smiles crookedly. Roman looks to Patton and realizes he said to much. Now they might think he does have a problem with criticism... which he does, but he's not going to admit that.

"Whatever! This is so stupid. Deceit spoke loud enough for me to hear so I'm leaving." Virgil huffs and folds his arms before sinking out of the common kitchen and probably to his room.

"No- wait. Virgil..." Patton sighs to himself as he watches the top of Virgil's head disappear. Patton looks to the other three and sighs to himself. "I'll go check up on him," Patton says softly while he also sinks out of the kitchen.

Logan, still shocked by the whole situation gets to his feet and stumbles around as he grabs his notebook and brings it close to his chest.

"Well... uhm... it seems that we've lost a considerable amount of... traits. So I would suggest we continue this discussion next week, or something similar to that. Do you think you can create a couple of ideas by this time next week Roman?" Logan asks softly as Roman nods in response. Logan sighs lightly to himself before sinking out, probably to his room to think about the whole situation.

Roman stares blankly at the now empty end of the table before getting to his feet quickly, looking down at Deceit quickly before beginning to walk off toward his room. Deceit acts quickly though and before Roman could get out of the kitchen he runs and blocks his way.

"Now, now Roman. I think we need to have a little discussion. Correct?" Deceit asks the creative side. Roman looks at the other trait in fear of what he will say next.

"Good. Now. Let's just sit down. And have a nice conversation about this 'problem' that you seem to have with yourself." Deceit smiles sinisterly in Roman's direction.

"I... I don't have a... problem... with... myself" Romans voice quiets down as he sees Dee stare at him in complete disbelief. "Oh Roman. You may try to lie to yourself, but please stop trying to lie to me. It's impossible to do so. I'm honestly surprised I wasn't summoned here faster than today. Your... dilemma seems to run deep." Dee chuckles lightly before guiding Roman back to his seat and shoving him back into his chair.

"Regardless. None of that will matter. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you my Prince. I need a favor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Oof the angst and ewww manipulative Deceit. I LOVE THAT SNAKE BOI I SWEAR HE WILL GET BETTER HE JUST WANTS TO BE HEARD OKAY, I SWEAR I LOVE THE BOI. Anyway. I don't actually know where this is going, but I know the angst will continue on forever. Oof I apologize. Smh. Lol anyway, I hope you enjoyed and if you have any questions make sure to inform me! Peace out!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs <3**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	4. 3 - Scarring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey, guys I just wanted to put a short warning here. This one is a lot. Just a lot of blood and just... a lot. Please, please be safe I love you guys a lot <333.**

"Why would I do you a favor?... Virgil's right. You're... Deceit and all" Roman scoffs to himself and gestures toward Deceit in an offensive manner as Dee sighs to himself in annoyance, tired of beating around the bush already.

"Roman look. It's as simple as this. You do what I say for a short amount of time and your dirty little secret doesn't get out to the rest of them okay? Look at that. Everyone's all happy!... well, except you, I guess. But that's your own issue" Deceit shrugs to himself giddily. He felt bad for that last comment, but then again he needs Romans full consent and power right now for his plan to work. He just needs time with Thomas.

Just a little time.

Roman stares blankly in the deceitful traits direction, still not convinced that this is real, but knowing deep down that it is and he knows in reality that he's cornered at this point so he sighs to himself in defeat before answering quietly.

"What... what do you need?" Roman asks disappointed in himself that he gave in. Virgil's going to be so mad, but Ro doesn't want to think about that right now... instead, he thinks to himself of all the possible terrible outcomes that could (and most likely would) happen later because of this decision. He isn't able to make eye contact with Dee as the deceitful side grins to himself happily. 

"It's as easy as this my Prince. Just agree with me in the next upcoming video. Okay? Doesn't matter what it's about, or what moral dilemma you face, you just have to take my side" Dee says simply. "And then everyone can stay in ignorant bliss. Sound fun? I think so" Deceit nods to himself as he takes his hand out and extends it toward Ro.

"Deal?" He giggles frantically. He's finally going to get Thomas to listen for once. His whole 'disguise' as Patton charade didn't work out well (and actually made it worse) so this is his second chance. He won't let it go to waste like last time.

"This reminds me heavily of Gravity Falls, but sure Bill Cipher. Whatever. Just.. please don't say anything to them. Not one peep. I can deal with this myself" Roman sighs sadly to himself and shakes the yellow based traits hand.

"Good boy Ro. Now be a good little puppy and wait, will yah? Oh, and try not to die before the next video okay? That would be unfortunate." Deceit smiles crookedly to himself, thinking of how to prepare for the next video already before sinking out and plotting his next plan in his head leaving Roman alone with his thoughts... which is never a good thing.

_'Maybe I will die before the next video'_ Roman thinks sarcastically, still mad at himself and the situation as a whole, but he decided to try and put it behind him. Keyword being; 'try'.

Ro sighs to himself in defeat. He needs to sleep. Or at least he needs to attempt to sleep- ugh wait he can't sleep. He needs to come up with ideas before the next ego attack decides to drop by. He hasn't had one in a week and a bit and he feels one coming on soon, so he needs to get those ideas flowing for Logan and the others asap...

Roman glances over toward the empty bunched up chairs at the other end of the table where his family once sat. He feels the loneliness sink in at that moment and allows the emptiness to overwhelm him for a short while before he eventually stands up slowly and begins to shuffle back toward his room quietly, and quickly...

He didn't want anyone to hear him or stop him to talk. He really didn't want to talk to Patton about his feelings or speak to Virge about why he was supposedly 'hanging out' with his arch-nemesis (though that conversation would probably most likely end up being Virgil yelling at him the whole time, so not necessarily a conversation at all), and he didn't want to converse with Logan just in case. He would probably break down if they- oh and they're all standing right in front of his bedroom door.

Great.

That's exactly what he wanted...

Not.

He didn't have any time to prepare for an ambush like this!

He quickly gathered himself together at the sight of the three and threw on a half-assed fake smile. Oh god, they're going to find out so fast.

"Roman!... Roman. Are you... _you know?_  Alone?" Patton whispers cautiously as he glances down the hallway behind Roman skeptically.

Roman could already feel the anger as it emanates from Virgil as well as the concern and confusion come from both Lo and Patton.

This isn't going to end well... at all.

"What? Oh. Yeah, Pat. Good old... uhm...  _Dee_  is gone" Roman coughs awkwardly, mentally slapping himself for the stupid nickname he just came up with on the spot that seemed to make Virgil tense up.  _'Since when did Deceit get to have a nickname?! He hasn't even been here that long!'_ Virgil thought angrily to himself.

"Oh good!... I mean...  _not_  good! I mean... I'm sorry Roman, I know he's your friend, but he just makes me quite uncomfortable is all and-"

"And he's a dick." Virgil scoffs to himself as he glares into Romans eyes, earning a stern dad look from Patton. "No need for such language Virgil." Patton sighs to himself in a disappointed manner.

And then there was the awkward silence Roman had been waiting for.

He honestly couldn't stand it one bit.

"I should... get goin-" Roman attempted to get out an excuse to leave, but Logan wasn't allowing it and interrupted him before he could finish the sentence.

"What Patton and Virgil mean to say is that we all find it quite... interesting that you seem to have developed a sort of relationship with Deceit that none of us knew of. We all find it quite alarming that you had failed in telling us this, as we are... what do you call us again Patton? Uhm. Family?" Logan continues the conversation instead of getting distracted by Virgils crude display of cursing. You could tell Logan was trying, by the sincerity of his tone and even tripping up on common words such as 'family'. It was unlike him to try so hard like this.

If only Roman had actually paid attention and noticed the genuineness of Logan's words.

"Uhm... sorry what?" Roman had totally zoned out while the other was explaining. He tends to do that lately. Stare into the abyss for no particular reason... it just happens. He needs to stop that, especially when in a conversation with Logan of all people. He notices these little things.

"I will repeat." Logan sighs in slight annoyance.

_Annoying._

"What Patton and Virgil mean to say-"

"What we  _all_  mean to say is that it's pretty shitty you didn't tell us you were all up and personal with Deceit of all people! I mean, he's Deceit Ro! What the fuck? You know better, I mean seriously? And how long exactly do you guys even hang out?  _'Dee'_? What the fuck kind of nickname is that? Is that why you've been skipping out on family dinners and movie nights? Because you were out hanging out with Deceit?! Why didn't you just say so!?  _We wouldn't have been worrying about you every god damn second of our lives IF YOU HAD JUST FUCKING TOLD ME!_ " Virgil suddenly explodes, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as he snaps and continues to yell at Roman.

"Virgil..." Pat mumbles as both Logan and Patton glance between Roman and Virgil in worry and concern, unsure what to do at the time.

Roman, on the other hand, had the worst possible feeling in his gut at that moment. He was about to cry. He was about to break down in front of all of them. He didn't want this. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid from the very beginning! He went out of his room for  _half an hour_  and this is what happens?! THIS IS WHY HE DOESN'T LEAVE HIS ROOM! THIS ALL HAPPENED WITHIN THE SPAN OF HALF AN HOUR!...

Now he feels like he's going to puke everywhere. He had a tight grip on his stomach the moment Virgil started yelling and now it ached and was bloodied by a couple of fresh wounds that opened up due to the words that were just thrown at him. He forced himself to forget what those new words were, and he didn't want to remember them. Ever. He doesn't want to go through this ever again.

If he ever gets away from them in one piece he swears he'll never leave his room ever again, for both their convenience and his own.

"Well,  _Princey?_ You have anything to say for yourself?" Virgil growls lowly to himself, his words like venom as the anxious side just radiates anger.

Roman's sure that if he put a hand on Virgil his hand would burn at the interaction. That's how steaming hot he looks right now... due to the anger of course. He meant it temperature wise, not that he looks like attractively hot or anything, or well- he does, but- oh god this is not the right time or place to think about this! He could never get his thoughts into one place to sort out, they're always so scattered and random all the time especially during high-stress situations like these!

Anyway, gay panic aside. He was trying to keep himself from letting it all come out. There was no way he made that deal with Deceit just for it all to come out now. He worked too hard for this. He wasn't going to fall apart.

He just doesn't want to burden his family! And look at this! He's done exactly that! Made them worry over nothing, he made  _Virgil_  worry over nothing. Patton was about to cry, Logan had a troubled expression on his face and Virgil was just seething with anger and hurt. He did this. Roman did this to them all within the span of thirty minutes.

How dare he?

How could he?

"V-Virgil. I think... I think you need to calm down just a tad. Maybe we should all just sleep this off? Yeah? Right, Lo?" Patton elbows Logan in the side in an attempt to get Logan out of 'recalculating' mode and back into 'reality' mode.

"Pardon? Oh. Yes. Of course. Come now, Virgil. Let's get you a cookie of some sort from the kitchen to calm you down before any more... shocking words come from your mouth that you may regret and have a panic attack over later in the evening." Logan suggests as he walks toward the angry trait, knowing that it may take a while for the other to calm down fully.

"No! I want to hear what he has to say for himself-"

"Virgil Sanders! Go with Logan this instant." Patton turns and glares at the angry trait causing the other three sides to jump in fright at the tone of Patton's words. Needless to say, it shut Virgil up. His eyebrows furrowed together before softening slightly at Patton's serious look and he sighed to himself before Logan got a hold of Virgil's hand and began to lead him back toward the kitchen to find something sweet to calm the other. As Virgil and Logan passed Roman the anxious trait sent a spine chilling side glare and snarl in Romans direction that made the creative side whimper quietly to himself.

Dear god, this was one of the nightmares he'd conjured up just a few nights ago. How did this happen?! How did he let this happen!? Okay, he really needs to leave. Right. Now.

He's going to have an attack in less than a minute.

"Roman you know he didn't mean that-"

"Sorry, Patton. I really must go." Roman gasps loudly as he physically shoves the moral side out of the way of his door and slams it shut behind him.

"Roman!? ROMAN! WAIT PLEASE. LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS PLEA-"

But he could no longer hear Patton yell through or slam on the door as it disappeared immediately behind him as he entered the room and fell to his knees and then to the ground right when the door slammed behind him.

That was too close.

He was suddenly paralyzed from the head down right when his face came into painful impact with the cold, unforgiving floor of his dull room. This was going to be a rather uncomfortable wave of pain to go through as he would have to endure it on the floor today.

_'How fun'_  Roman thought sarcastically to himself right before the first wave of words hit, way more quickly than Roman had expected (usually it took at least 10 minutes of him being paralyzed before the words began). Needless to say, it immediately cut off his current train of thought.

The words began to cut into his flesh mercilessly causing him to scream -or attempt to scream- as they carved themselves over the thousand letters that were already there, creating an even deeper, more painful wound for Roman. Blood and tears fell and soaked through every and all pieces of clothing he had on until the crimson liquid spilled out from under his prince uniform staining it a deep red wine color. The blood eventually soaked into the carpet and surrounded Roman. By the state of things, Roman felt like he was probably going to bleed out all over...

Maybe he really would die before the next video... he didn't really expect it to be so soon, but maybe it was for the best. He only wished he hadn't left things on such a terrible note with the other sides... oh well. If this was his fate he was going to embrace it.

_Can't do anything right._

_Dumb._

_Irresponsible._

_Fool._

_Failure._

_Shame._

_In the way of everyone._

_Incompetent._

_Hated._

_Disappointment._

_Wrong._

_Inferior._

_Ridiculous._

_Useless._

_Meaningless._

_Pointless._

_Stupid._

_Stupid._

_Stupid._

_Stupid!_

_STUPID!_

It usually went on like this for a couple of hours. Words usually repeating themselves as they dug further and further into his muscle and flesh. He's just waiting for it to get deep enough to pierce one of his lungs or any other of his vital organs.

At this point in the self-deprecation cycle, he was too numb to feel anything at the moment. It was usually when it neared the end of the current wave that it really got bad, but he wasn't there yet. He was just left thinking and regretting things while words in different fonts danced across his 'skin'... could he even call it skin anymore? He's sure there's no way there's any more solid, soft skin left anymore. It's probably all just... blood and red-flesh and... whatever else was inside the human body that he shared with Thomas and the others.

He's really going to die here huh? Here on the floor. Crying and violently shaking, while simultaneously being paralyzed. Honestly, he didn't think he would go out like this here in his room, and if he did he thought it would be in his bed with his family surrounding him and supporting him, but he wouldn't let that happen. No way, it would be too much fuss for the others...

Though he actually had this fantasy once that he'd probably die in the dreamscape on one of his escapades fighting the Drag-on witch and being brutally wounded in a heated fight with her before getting dragged off into an emergency room with Patton, Logan, and Virgil saying their goodbyes. Maybe even Virgil biding him farewell with a chaste and sweet kiss... (pfft yeah right). But that wasn't all going to happen until Thomas was at least ninety years old.

But no.

Instead, he was here. Bleeding out in his room, alone and cold as he feels sorry for himself.

How  _pathetic_.

Utterly and completely  _pathetic_.

...

...

...

Hours pass and he's still not dead... somehow. He's sure if he was actually human he would be dead, but he supposes not. It's just infinite torture at this point and it's starting to calm down and subside, which is not good whatsoever. It's worse once it's over, probably because of the amount of stitching up and cleaning that is needed, as well as the unnecessary aching that happens every time afterward. It also forces him to look at the words he has as he attempts to fix himself up... maybe he just won't do it... maybe he could just rot here for the rest of his sorry excuse for a life. Seems more appealing than facing life at the moment.

So he did that for a while... just... laid there in a pool of his own blood, sweat, and tears, basically drowning in his own juices and thinking of all the things he did wrong in life. Basically everything. Everything he has done since his existence to get to this point in life was wrong.

He wishes he could take it all back and fix everything, but he can't. He doesn't deserve a second chance after all... but as always he gives in. He gets up and continues on with life, just like everyone else. He's too much of a coward to actually give up on anything after all... but it was a nice thought to have at least.

He sighs softly to himself (trying to ignore the pounding headache he currently has) before attempting to move in any shape or form. His hand twitched a little and began shaking as he lifted it slightly before dragging it beneath his body to lift himself up, but he fell back down immediately causing the Prince to wince in pain... he thinks one of the words got deep enough to get to the bone because it sure as hell felt like it in his left arm... this is why he doesn't get out of bed half the time. It's always a bitch when he tries to get up like this...

He attempts to get up about another twelve or twenty-one times, crying silently to himself as the excruciating pain continues to haunt him and somehow deepen the red of his Prince uniform. By the thirtieth time of his shaking hand attempting to lift the rest of his body, he finally pushed hard enough to hit his bed with his the back of his back, which just added to the hurt as he was currently being supported by the corner of the bed which was digging right into one of his deepened wounds, stabbing itself further into one of the words. Roman gasps out loudly as the wooden corner of the bed comes into contact with him and impales him, but eventually, he calms his way too fast breathing down to hyperventilation, which was good in situations like these for Roman. Hyperventilating was a good stable place for him to be right this second.

Roman chokes out a cough as he leans forward and gets the wooden corner out of his back. He then spends roughly twenty to thirty minutes trying to shuffle along to the side of his bed, where he would sit for maybe an hour to rest his exposed muscle. He fights to open his eyes, happy that blood doesn't fall into his eyes as the words, never ever carve themselves from his neck up, so his face and neck are relatively untouched. Unlike the rest of his body from the shoulders down that looked like a coyote got to him and ripped into him mercilessly, yet somehow left him in one piece.

He sighs to himself and leans his head back onto his bed as he stares up at the ceiling blankly... maybe he should just use his Prince suit as a new skin as it already feels like it's been melted onto his body at this point.

He needs Pill.

Probably one of the only things in existence that he could count on at the moment. After all, he created them.

Roman sighs heavily to himself, knowing he needs them, but should he really even try? Does he even want to be comforted at the moment?... yes.

The answer is yes.

He needs to get over himself as quickly as possible so he can return to his actual job. You know. The one he was actively failing at right now. Best case scenario he'll be good enough to come up with a few ideas by tomorrow night. At the latest, it will be the morning of the day after, but he really doesn't want to wait that long. Only if it's absolutely necessary to wait that long then he will. Hopefully, it won't take that long. Roman gives in with a sigh and moves his head to look up onto his bed. He made sure not to move too quickly as to not trigger even more pain, but it seemed that was a useless endeavor as it bought more hurt regardless of his cautiousness.

Roman spots the rectangular body pillow amongst the wave of covers and blankets that is his bed at the moment. He really needs to start to make his bed more often, but then again he's barely out of it as of late, so really there's no point.

He keeps his eyes on the pristine white body pillow as he attempts to lift his arm high enough to rest on top of the bed. Hopefully, he'd be able to reach it. All he has to do is touch and activate it and he'll be fine... or as fine as he could be for now.

He makes an effort to make physical contact with the fabric of the pillow, he misses quite a lot as the pillow was a bit further from him than he had expected, but eventually after multiple tries his bloody hand rested upon the pillow and suddenly a very familiar figure rolled off the bed and crouched down beside him to investigate how bad this ego attack was this time around.

It was Virgil.

See, four... or maybe five months ago Ro was feeling rather down in the dumps, now keep in mind it wasn't nearly as bad as it was now, but it sucked really bad regardless. So Roman tried to create something, anything to help him through these dark times. He thought this little bump in the road would be short-lived, but it was actively getting worse and he just wanted a little comfort, and he didn't want to bother the others so... he created the next best thing.

It was a pillow that could shapeshift.

They could shapeshift and materialize into anything Roman needed most at that moment. Whether it be a small little dog or... well Virgil in this situation.

Come to think of it, that was the last thing he actually created that wasn't complete garbage. They actually help a lot.

After he first created them, he settled in calling them Pill, for Pillow. Because without Roman it was just that. A body pillow.

Pill was chock full with creative energy, most likely the last huge amount Ro had. Roman made Pill to be sentient and well... his comforter. Pill was relatively intelligent and cared a big deal for Roman, as he was basically apart of him.

Ro felt bad for them. They were made just to make him feel better... how pathetic is that?... Pill doesn't seem to mind it though, so Roman tried not to let them add to his insecurities about burdening them. Even though it was his job Roman told them that they don't have to help him at all. They're their own person (not really, but Roman was going to treat them as such) at this point, they even have a default look when Roman doesn't know what or who he needs sometimes. They look just like Thomas, except they sport a soft white cotton sweater and comfortable looking gray sweatpants. Their basically the human-looking equivalent of a pillow.

But when Roman isn't actively looking for comfort they are just a pillow. A normal white body pillow. It's quite sad sometimes. Roman wishes he could get over himself and make Pill into a real living side, or trait... or whatever. He just wants them to be free from him and to live happily. Maybe he could even make them their own room so they don't have to deal with his pathetic ass-

"Roman. Ro, stop that." The Virgil look alike speaks up. "Stop thinking like that. I know that look, and please just... take a deep breath. I know it hurts now, but it's going to be okay. I promise" Virge whispers.

At times like these, when he can't think straight because his mind is so warped he can barely tell Pill and whoever they are at that moment apart. So basically all he sees is Virgil right now because he can't think logically or properly.

"Virg- I... I- I'm s-s-o s-sorry I-I-"

"Ro, shhhhh. It's okay. I forgive you. You're going to be alright. Come on" Pill says quietly and softly. They hate seeing him like this. They absolutely hate it. They need to determine what state he's in right now in this seemingly never-ending cycle.

"Ro- Roman. I need you to tell me what your state is yeah? Okay. I need to know if I can lift you up onto the bed" Pill says delicately treating Roman like a fragile piece of glass that was about to shatter any second... or well... he's already shattered. At this point, Pill's trying to put together a broken piece of glass, and it's nearly impossible. Keyword being; nearly. Pill will and would never give up on Roman. So they're going to make sure he gets back up right now.

"W-wha- I. Oh, r-right. State t-three." Roman coughs out, clearing up his state of mind for that moment. Now he knew it was Pill, but seeing him as Virgil just made him cry more.

"Okay. Well, that's not good." Pill mumbles to themselves before sitting on their knees and looking softly into Romans sad, dead eyes.

"Hey, Roman." He says gently and throws on a soft smile. "What's the matter?" Pill asks trying to figure out what happened so he could choose the best path to help the creative trait.

"I- I'm sorry Pill" Roman chokes out between his sobs and shaking hands. "I'm so sorr-y I made y-ou just t-to c-c-com-fort me I- it's p-pathetic and I-I-" "Hey now Ro. We've been over this. It's okay. Now, please tell me what happened. Why is it Virgil today hmm?" Pill frowns slightly at Romans attempt to yet again blame himself. He should have made something to help him. He did the right thing. Why can't he just see that?

"I-I messed up. D-D-Decei-t. He- I didn't want to I- I'm so sorry" Ro continues to sob as Pill has a huge need to hug the distressed side, but knows he shouldn't touch him in this condition, especially when the effects of the wave are subsiding.

"It's alright Ro-"

"N-No! Yo- you, I mean- Virgil w-was so h-h-hurt and- and- mad- and I did t-that a-a-and he-e yell-ed at me a-a-a-a-an-"

"Shhhh, breath Roman. Breath" Pill sighs to himself trying to hide his anger.

Of course, Virgil yelled at him. When was he or the other sides doing anything, but making Romans life a living hell?

Pill loathed the other sides. Mostly because he had never been outside of this room or met them, and he never wants to either if they were doing this to Roman. Pill didn't understand why Roman loved them so much, but after the stories, Ro told him from time to time he guesses they sound fine in theory, but he just couldn't trust them. Not when his best and only friend came back in this state after being out for only half an hour.

It's ridiculous.

Regardless of that fact, Pill needed to compose himself and do his best to act like Virgil from snippets he had heard from Romans explanations of the side. And trust Pill when he says Roman talks a lot about the dark trait. Like a lot. It's mindblowing.

"I'm so sorry  _Princey_. I was... I was just mad and I didn't mean it I swear. You know me, I can be a bit... irritable. Honestly please don't take it personally. I'm too emo to function remember?" The fake Virgil snickers to himself. Pill was proud of that one. He remembers Roman telling him that Virgil said that a lot.

"Y-yeah" Roman tries to laugh to himself as he looks into Pills dark eyes. "Honestly Princey. Why are you even bothering to weep on it? I was being dramatic. Seems like you rubbed off on me a little too much huh? Taught me all those 'extravagant' words and such" Pill chuckles to himself, knowing he's doing something right by the small smile that plastered Romans face.

"You know I love you," Pill says as Romans smile falls.

Whoops.

Pill hates when he messes up like this. They can never be an exact replicant of Virgil (and even if they were, they'd probably make it even worse considering Virgil did this to him in the first place) and it shows. It's always the smallest things that trip Roman up.

Pill knows Virgil wouldn't say that, but he knows it's what Roman wants to hear, so he's going to continue with it because Roman deserves this.

"I'm serious Princey. I love you." Pill continues as Roman looks up at him with the saddest puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen.

"I know I say some pretty nasty things sometimes and it isn't on purpose I swear. I just don't know how to express how I feel. I love you Roman" Pill repeats as Romans eyes cry waterfalls.

"I-I love you too" Roman sniffles as Pill smiles softly in victory.

"S-state f-four" Roman comments under his breath. It took Pill off guard at the quick switch of character and they sighed to themselves before getting up to their feet.

"Are you sure?" They ask, making sure to get confirmation before they did anything that hurt the Prince too much. Last time they didn't ask twice it almost cost Roman his life. They panicked when Roman said to put him down quickly and they accidentally dropped him to the floor and it was the scariest feeling they'd ever felt in their short existence.

"Yeah. It's fine" Roman mumbles under his breath and nodding slightly. The fact that Roman could now talk in full sentences was reassuring enough for Pill to nod to themselves.

"Okay. I'm going to wrap my arms around you now okay?" Pill informs Ro as they crouch down and await Romans response. Pill never touches or does anything drastic without Romans vocal consent. Roman might freak out if he doesn't know what's happening right after all this pain.

"Mhm," Roman hums lowly as he closes his eyes and was about to pass out.

"No Ro, stay awake okay? And a hum won't do. Say 'I know you're about to wrap your arms around me' please Roman" Pill says, not moving to do anything at that moment.

"Mmm. Okay... sorry. I was- yeah. I know you're a-about to wrap your arms around me." Roman sighs to himself as he opens his heavy eyelids and glances toward Pill who nods in approval of the vocal consent.

Pill slowly, but surely secures his arms around Roman, one beneath his knees and one behind his neck to support Ro's weight for when he eventually lifts the sad trait.

"I'm now going to lift you up now okay?" Pill asks, making sure to keep their voice to a soft and gentle tone and volume.

"I know you're about to l-lift me up" Roman sighs and rests his head against the look-alike Virgil's chest.

"Good. You are doing great Roman" Pill mutters under their breath as they slowly begin to stand and get to their feet.

They stand there for a while, letting Roman adjust to the most likely uncomfortable position he's in. Roman attempts to move a little to become cozier in his position, but immediately regretted that choice as a pang of pain hit and he just decided to stay still.

"I'm going to move now okay Roman?"Pill asks slowly.

...

No response.

"Ro?" Pill says softly, snapping Roman out of his dream-like state.

"Wha- sorry. What was that?" Roman asks, his voice muffled by Pills chest.

"I'm going to move now okay Roman?" Pill repeats, not one bit irritated that he had to repeat himself. He knows Roman can get confused and day-dream a lot, especially as of late.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. I know you're going to move now" Roman yawns softly.

"Okay, good" Pill nods to themselves and slowly shuffles toward Ro's bed. They continue to allow Roman to adjust for a few minutes before continuing to speak.

"I'm going to put you down on the bed now okay?"

"I know you're going to put me down on the bed now" Roman responds tiredly. 

Pill lays the injured Prince down onto the bed wincing slightly at the pain on Romans face as he comes into contact with the bed's sheets, getting bloody red liquid all over the (used to be) cleaned white sheets.

"You did so well Ro. You can sleep now if you want. I'll clean up your wounds alright?" Pill says and crouches next to Romans beside and moves a few stray hairs out of Romans face.

"Y-yeah... okay. Love you Virge" Roman yawns and almost immediately knocked himself out.

Pill sighs sadly to themselves at Ro's state and cracks their knuckles loudly before getting to work.

They need to get to work right away before Roman hurts himself unconsciously even more.

Poor Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **KSksksksksSKSKSK. Okay. So so so so so sorry. This- is very graphic I apologize and I- I'm crying rn ah. Okay got that out of the way. If you're still confused Pill is a shape-shifting body pillow that turns into whomever or whatever Roman needs most in a specific moment. Pill has the last bit of legit creativity Roman had and is just... a good one alright. They/them pronouns all around as they can be any gender or thing. Now, Pill resents the other sides based solely on the effect they have on Roman. Roman is the most important thing to them so seeing Ro come back in such a condition almost every time he goes out and comes back from them triggers valid aggression. They just need to meet the others tbh. Also, don't be mad at Virge plz, he's just a bit hurt (and jealous lol but u didn't hear that from me) because Ro was hanging out with Dee. Honestly, I'm too sad rn to think ah. Sorry I rlly love Pill already and idek why they just came up as an idea tbh. I LOVE THEM OKAY. Anyway poor Patton ;-; he just wants everyone to be happy and Logan is just... confused as fuckkkk he's just liek 'wut r these... feelings? they be trippin' me up... what family mean again?'- okay sorry but u get the point. idk if I forgot to mention something or u guys have questions just ask em, I'm as confused about it as u tbh lolz. Okay love you guys, peace out!**
> 
> Cheers!
> 
> Bai, bai ^-^
> 
> Lubs ❤
> 
> _-ExistentTrash_


	5. 4 - After effects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey guys editing me here (it's like 3:34 am lol). I wanted to add this warning here for good measure just in case. This chapter includes panic attacks (Virgil) and a lot of raw emotions and crying (like so much crying man, I'm even crying a lot), but yes. I just thought I would put a warning here for you guys <3 Love yah and enjoy!**

Patton stands there shocked as Roman  _shoves_  him -literally  _shoves_  him- out of the way... Roman has never laid a hand on anybody like that before. What just happened?

Suddenly he jumps in reaction to the loud noise that was Romans door slamming shut and he panicked.

"Roman!? ROMAN! WAIT PLEASE. LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS PLEASE!" but it was no use. There was no response...

Patton stared bug-eyed at the door that just slammed in his face. Something was definitely not right. Patton had this... he didn't know how to explain it. It was just a tug at his heart whenever he thought about Ro. It was always a bad tug too. It just hurt. He tried so hard to make sure Roman was okay, but it seemed like Ro was always so distant and... Patton didn't want to interrupt his work, but after what just happened? There was no way Patton wasn't going to worry about him anymore. This didn't sit right with him. He needs to do something about it.

Patton stood still in front of the door and rested his forehead against the cold wooden material of it. He opened his eyes sadly and focussed on the dried up rainbow themed paint that was present on the creative sides door along with four different designs on each color because Roman wanted them all to have their own marks on his door. He did the wonderful golden trim that went around the dark spruce wood...

Patton smiles softly at the memory.

He remembers a while ago Roman wanted his door to not look so boring and plain because he couldn't stand it.

_Roman sent out some overdramatic fancy letters to all three of the other sides (including Anxiety, which was surprising to everyone attending, because back then Anxiety and Roman didn't get along very well). The letter demanded that they all meet outside of Romans door in clothes that they didn't mind getting dirty._

_Logan turned up first right on time and then Patton right after just a minute late. Logan was sporting a space-themed navy blue jersey and a pair of black sweatpants along with a normal pair of black sneakers. Logan had a feeling it was going to get messy according to Romans letter and it surprised Patton nonetheless. Patton had never seen Logan in such casual attire and couldn't help himself and before he knew it the puns began to flow out much to Logan's disapproval._

_"Logan, do you live in space? 'Cause you look out of this world." Patton snickers to himself as Logan glances at the other in confusion._

_"I do not live in space. I live here in the mindscape- oh that was a space pun." Logan begins to explain before the realization dawned on him in horror. Logan blushes slightly, also realizing the flirtatious undertones._

_"If I had a star for every time you brightened my day Lo, I'd have the galaxy in my hand" Patton continues as Logan backs away, flustered and terrified of what was about to happen._

_Needless to say, Logan regretted wearing his space jersey that day._

_"Please Patton if you have any mercy left in your being-"_

_"I think we may have been transported to the surface of Mercury because things became unbelievably hot when you walked into the room." Patton winks as Logan stares at the other in disbelief at how much knowledge Patton actually has on astronomy and space in general.  
_

_"Patton... how much do you know of astronomy? Because that is exceptional information, even if expressed through... rather unconventional ways" Logan voices his thoughts, still petrified, but curious._

_"Not much. I googled it" Patton shrugs as Logan sighs in defeat._

_"Of course you did." He mumbles as Romans door slams open sending Patton to the floor in fright._

_"WORRY NOT I HAVE ARRIVED!" Roman screams with arms full of paint buckets and brushes._

_"Yes, indeed you do seem to have arrived... ten minutes late that is" Logan coughs as he looks down at his watch in what seemed to be annoyance._

_"Hey! I was being fashionably late. It's a skill I have learned to master, unlike you dweeb" Roman chuckles smiling brightly as Logan rolls his eyes. Roman spots Patton on the ground and gasps._

_"I apologize, Padre. I didn't mean to scare you" Roman panics and puts the art supplies down quickly before lending his hand down to Patton._

_"Don't worry about it Ro" Patton smiles as he takes Romans hand and gets to his feet quickly. "I love, love, love your overalls Patton and your overall pastel aesthetic. And Logan do you live in space? 'Cause you look out of this world-"  
_

_"Roman please refrain. Patton has already made that rather... childish 'joke' earlier" Logan growls lowly to himself before folding his arms in a defensive manner. He still wasn't recovered from Patton's blatantly obvious flirting._

_"Dang. You're too good Padre" Roman sighs to himself in defeat as Patton chuckles lightly to himself. "Well thank you my Prince" Patton bows as Roman smiles softly in response.  
_

_"No Panic! at the everywhere huh?" Roman asks as he glances around the hallway, hiding his slight disappointment._

_"Oh yeah. Too bad I was looking forward to all of us hanging out together. It was very nice for you to invite him though Roman" Patton smiles happily, very proud of his creative son at the moment, but a little sad that his other son didn't arrive accordingly._

_"Thank you, Pat. I thought you would be rather proud" Roman nods to himself. That was the goal after all. He didn't like when dad got mad at him._

_"Anyway! Today I have bought you here my loyal companions to spruce up my rather mundane door with paint!" Roman gestures toward his door rather dramatically, his arms flailing in almost every direction to make a point._

_"Oh. Oh, this is disconcerting. Roman, surely you understand I am not the most adequate or useful in the artistic sense. You must've made an error in inviting me today-"_

_"No! Logan, don't you see? Every form of anything that has ever been created in the existence of existence is artistic! It doesn't matter what you make or do it's art alright! Do not underestimate yourself! You can just throw paint onto the door and BOOM! ART!" Roman expresses very loudly and encouragingly, making sure Logan doesn't undervalue his skills._

_"If you're quite sure Roman. All you had to say was that it was not a mistake instead of your rather overexuberant display of words." Logan mumbles but is pleasantly surprised that there was no miscalculation._

_"Oh hush you simplton. You guys love my 'overexuraberent display of words'" Roman mocks Logan cheerfully._

_"It's pronounced o_ _verexuberant and falsehood. I do not particularly appreciate your play on words, personally speaking." Logan glances to the side as Roman gasps loudly._

_"Well, I never! Maybe I shouldn't have invited you if you were just going to outright insult and attack me! How rude." Roman pouts sarcastically._

_"Awww, don't worry Ro! I find your wordplay fun! You have such a way with words!" Patton supports Roman as Ro smiles proudly in his direction._

_"Well thank you, Patton. At least someone here appreciates my genius" Roman huffs as Logan stares at the other in annoyance._

_"Well. If that is how you sincerely feel then I should take my leave-"_

_"What? No! Oh my god, Logan! It was sarcasm! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" Roman yells overdramatically and latches onto Logans left leg before the logical trait could begin to sink out._

_"Well...I... am at a loss for words," Logan admits as he watches Roman cry very loudly while he was wrapped around his leg like a koala._

_"DON'T LEAVE LO!" Roman flails around as Logan rolls his eyes at the unnecessary volume of Romans voice._

_"Roman please detach yourself from my limb," Logan demands as he shakes his leg in an attempt to remove Roman from his leg._

_"NOOOO NOT UNTIL YOU SAY YOU'LL STAY LOGAN. OH, WON'T YOU STAYYYYYY WITH MEEEEE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALLLLLL I NEEEEED. THIS AIN'T LOVE, IT'S CLEAR TO SEE, BUT DARLING, STAAAAAAY WITH MEEEE-"_

_"Alright, alright I will participate. No need to sing  and reference Sam Smith so loudly out into the hallway Roman." Logan huffs to himself as Roman quite literally leaps up into the air in excitement._

_"YAS! Victory." Roman giggles to himself giddily._

_"Yes, just please refrain yourself from attaching yourself from any more of my appendages" Logan mutters incoherently to himself as he wipes the non-existent dust off of his space jersey in an attempt in trying to keep himself busy._

_"Of course! Now let's get to work- now what should the theme be here?" Roman sighs to himself as he stares blankly at his door._

_"Rainbow." A gravelly voice suddenly pops out of nowhere causing Roman to scream. And by scream I mean SCREAM. Loud and high pitched it surprised everyone, but not as much as the presence of a certain dark side surprised them._

_"ANXIETY! OH I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!" Patton exclaims as he runs toward the other and was about to go in for a hug before realizing he should probably not make any unwarranted contact and just settled in looking excited._

_Meanwhile, Anxiety was laughing his ass off at Romans reaction._

_"O-oh my god- pfft. Hah. Princey- oh I'm sorry- oh god" Anxiety tried to compose himself, but he couldn't. The scream just echoed in his mind over and over and he couldn't stop himself from laughing._

_"Wh- Anxiety?!" Roman gasps, his face flushing red from his reaction to the anxious sides suggestion. He was terribly embarrassed and he didn't know why. Since when did he care what the others thought of him?_

_"Surprise, surprise. I'm here" Anxiety shrugs, wiping his eyes of tears as he calms himself down._

_"Can I have a hug?" Patton asks as he holds his arms out toward Anxiety who looked at the arms of the other in fear, but his eyes softened up as he saw Patton's gentle gaze. He rolled his eyes and accepts the suggestion with opens his arms. Patton squeals and runs into the other's arms and wraps his own around the dark trait who smiles tenderly._

_Roman stares at the two, still highly embarrassed as he wipes his face in an attempt to calm his blush that was still present._

_"Yes. A surprise indeed" Logans says to himself as Patton pulls away from Anxiety._

_"We're painting! Doesn't that sound fun bud?" Patton squeals happily as Anxiety glances toward Roman._

_"We are?" He asks as Roman stares at the other, still burning hot._

_"I... yes. Ahem. Yes! We're- ugh. Sorry, allow me to compose myself for a second" Roman coughs awkwardly as he reaches to rub his eyes._

_"Alrighty. Sorry, Princey didn't know I scared you so bad" Anxiety snickers in a teasing manner._

_That was not helping Roman in the least._

_"Oh shut it N-emo," Roman growls lowly as he picks himself back up, his embarrassment turning into anger._

_"Wow, a Disney slash Pixar movie reference as well as an emo joke. Good job Princey" Anxiety claps sarcastically as Roman continues to turn into a literal tomato._

_"Ugh! Okay! Whatever! ANYWAY. Painting." Roman coughs as he turns back toward the door, secretly happy that Anxiety actually showed up._

_"Anyway- I totally was not hating the rainbow idea Anx" Roman successfully gets himself back into reality, his cheeks calming down at last._

_"Wha- really?" Anxiety was taken aback as Roman approved of his idea._

_"Of flipping course. Rainbow? That's the brightest, most bestest idea. Plus it's super gay. Which is super me. So we're super going to do it." Roman nods his head as the ideas rush to his head._

_"OH MY GOSH- we could all have like several colors assigned to each of us and then I'll get some darker shades of each color and we can paint our own little designs on each streak of the rainbow -anything you guys want to paint- Oh, this is going to be so great! Can't you just see it now!?" Roman gets all excited as he wraps his arms around the other threes shoulders and stares longingly at the door._

_"Also. I dig the purple Anx. It's a nice change" Roman winks as he jumps away from the other three and toward the paint buckets, deciding what other colors he would need to materialize for this project to work._

_"Wh- I just didn't have any other pieces of clothing that I didn't care about..." Anxiety glances off to the side, flustered about wearing a different color and piece of clothing apart from his normal black jersey._

_"No, I really like it too! Don't you Logan? The hoodie is nice!" Patton nudges Logan in the side._

_"Yes. It is quite an admiral development" Logan agrees as Anxiety stares at the others in a flustered manner._

_"Yeah well... don't get used to it..." Anxiety tries not to smile, but they all knew he was about to._

_"Okay. Logan you've got the colors Indigo and Green. Padre, you have Blue and Yellow, and Anx you can have Purple and Orange mkay? I've got red." Roman says as he organized the paint buckets._

_"Daw, but kiddo. You'd only have one color then" Patton voices his concern as Roman turns and smiles happily in moral sides general direction._

_"That's fine. I'd rather your guy's mark on my door was more dominant than mine. Why would I invite you guys if I didn't want your input? The sentiment is all that matters really" Ro admits as he shoves several paint buckets into the other sides' arms._

_"Daw, that's so cute!" Patton coos adorably._

_"Boo! Sentiment" Anxiety pokes his tongue out as Roman rolls his eyes sassily in response._

_"I agree. 'Boo sentiment'" Logan nods his head in confirmation._

_"Whatever! Plus I get to outline the door. I'm thinking golden trim, what do you guys think?" Ro asks the others._

_"AWESOME!" Patton exclaims excitingly, already somehow covered in paint._

_"Adequate." Logan expressed, clearly pleased at his participation in this project._

_"Sounds good" Anxiety shrugs lazily and happily from his spot._

Patton smiles softly to himself as his fingers trace the golden trim. They were all so much happier back then. Sure they had some problems, but not nearly as many as they had now... What happened?

Patton sighs cheerlessly to himself, looking at how dull and faded the paint looked now. It made him sad to see something they put so much effort into turn so sour. He slides down the door and hugs his knees while he thinks to himself.

He can't enter the room without Romans permission, so he just needs to convince the other to come out so he could talk to him. There had to be something wrong. There just had to be.

Now how would he convince Roman to come out after a thorough yelling like that?... Virgil needed to apologize.

Right. Virgil.

Patton was unbelievably angry at the other side at the moment. Sure Virgil was allowed to be hurt and confused, but it wasn't okay for him to yell and explode like that. Roman was only out of his room for half an over compared to weeks, and there was no way Roman could've been with Deceit so much without Patton noticing. Patton always checks up on Roman. How could he not know they were best friends? How could that slip away from Patton? The answer? It couldn't have happened.

No way. Patton was always passing Romans room every day... but why would Roman lie about it then? Maybe Deceit was doing something sketchy again.

Patton couldn't put all the pieces together right now, but he knew one thing for sure. Roman and Deceit were definitely not best friends or anything more.

Patton needed help with his hypothesis.

He got to his feet and sighed softly in the direction of Romans door and whispered something quietly to himself.

"Don't worry Ro. I'm going to help you. Whatever's going on... I promise."

As for now, however. He had to go and tell off a certain Virgil Sanders. He needed to know that wasn't okay.

As Patton began walking down the hallway he started to hear sobs. Sobs that were coming from the kitchen downstairs. Out of pure dad instinct, he sprinted the rest of the way down the hallway and stairs and to the entryway of the kitchen.

The sight broke his heart and all of a sudden all anger was pushed to the side as he saw Virgil hiding his face in Logan's chest as Lo patted his back in an attempt of comfort.

"Remember to breathe Virgil. Four seconds in, hold it for seven, now breathe out for eight." Logan instructed as Virgil attempts it, but couldn't do it completely.

"It's okay Virgil, just focus. I know these panic attacks are never pleasant for you. It's going to be alright" Logan tries to reassure the other. The sight makes Patton's heart soar.

This is why he loved this man.

"N-n-n-no i-it's no-t. I- I'm such- an a-a-assh-hole I- whyy-y" Virgil cries even louder as Logan begins to panic. He may have a better understanding of feelings, but they still confused him.

Patton rushed forward, Virgil hadn't spotted him yet, but Logan did and Patton's arrival made Lo feel so much more relieved.

'Panic attack?' Patton lips questioningly as Logan reads his lips and nods his head in response.

"Hey, Virgil. I'm here. It's Patton. Is it okay if I touch you?" Patton asks causing Virgil to flinch slightly at the new voice.

"Y-y-yeah- I. I-I'm s-sorry- I-"

"Shhhhh. It's okay kiddo. You just need to calm down. We'll stay here all night if you want us to" Patton hushes the other side as Logan slowly stands from his spot on the chair, supporting Virgil. Logan begins walking toward Patton with Virge in his arms and hands him over to the other.

Patton immediately takes charge and acts on instinct catching the other in his arms, but Virgil's knees give out and suddenly he bought Patton down to the cold kitchen floor with him It just increased his panic.

Everything felt like it was closing in on him.

Why did he shout?

How could he do that to Roman?

He just got out of his room- He was building up to asking Roman if he wanted to watch Disney movies with him tonight like they used to, but no. Instead, he was here crying on the kitchen floor with no Roman in sight.

Just- the thought of Deceit and Roman being so close- it sickened him. And he got so mad and- and- he's such an asshole.

Roman hates him. Logan was only tolerating him because for some reason Patton 'cared' about him- which he didn't believe what-so-ever and everything was falling apart and it was all his fault and- and- and-

"Virgil! Hey. Shh. Look at me." Patton says gently as Virgil shakes in his lap, but Virgil doesn't budge, he's paralyzed with panic and shame.

How could anyone forgive him? How-

"Virgil. Please continue to breathe." Logan crouches down beside the two and rests a hand on Virgil's back in comfort.

"I-I me-me-messed up- I c-can't- I don't- I-" Virgil continues to cry and break down.

Patton leaned down and laid his hands on Virgils cheeks, he lifted the others face up gently and looked into his eyes tenderly.

"Virgil. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't the best thing to do at that moment. You were hurt and you were angry and that's okay. You're allowed to feel. But what you were not allowed to do is yell at Roman. You didn't give him a chance to explain, but you can be forgiven, Virgil. It's understandable, but not justified, okay? Please, please calm down and breathe. We're going to figure this out. We're going to be alright because we're going to put in the effort. Now please put in that effort now Virge. All you have to do at the moment is breathe. Don't focus on the what ifs. Don't focus on what happened or what could happen. Focus on now. Focus on this minute. On this second. And breathe." Patton says as gently as possible, trying not to make it worse, but also trying not to justify his actions. Virgil needed to know it was wrong, but he also needed to know that there was a way to help as well.

Virgil looked into the eyes of the other, tears spilling over the edge as Patton talked and Logan agreed silently. Virgil tried and tried over and over or half an hour to breathe until he finally got into a steady pattern.

Virgil was eventually just laying on Patton's lap as he wiped his eyes free of tears and tried to get rid of the running mascara he decided to put on today (and regretted doing so) that was currently dripping down his face in black lines.

"Sorry- I... I just..." Virgil sighs, his body still shaking slightly, but not as much as it previously was.

"It's quite alright Virgil. You cannot control these spasms." Logan assures the other.

"Yeah try not to worry about it kiddo. Look. How about we all just try to sleep this off. It's almost three in the afternoon and I know how you like to sleep early... and I think we all need to reserve energy and have a thorough conversation about this tomorrow." Patton suggests as Virgil looks up at him in fright.

"What's the matter, Virge?" Patton asks confused by his sudden fear.

"I-... I..." Virgil was debating whether or not he should admit to his fear.

"Do not worry about our reactions. Please if you have something on your mind, communicate it to us." Logan says as Virgil looks at him worryingly.

"I just... I- I don't want to be alone right now" Virge says and doesn't make eye contact with the other sides.

"Oh. Oh, Virge. You didn't think I was going to let you go back to your room, did you? We're all sleeping in the living room tonight." Patton says softly to himself as Logan looks at the other in confusion.

"It was my understanding that it was your night to host in your room tonight for 'couply' activities as you put it earlier-" Patton cut off the other with a  glare as he motioned down toward the distressed Virgil that was currently resting his head in his lap.

"Well. If you would've just expressed to me earlier of the change of plans then I wouldn't be as confused right now." Logan sighs obviously displeased as he pulls his small notebook out of his pocket and scribbles out his plans.

"Oh, I'm sooo sorry Logan for being such an inconvenience to your schedule. I'm sorry I didn't plan on all of this happening. I'm sorry I was focusing on more important things then your damn plans" Patton finally snapped in all of this. He was holding it back and something so small just made him crack. It was just that slight annoyance that got to him in the end.

"Well." Logan huffs to himself as he gets to his feet awkwardly.

"If this is how the night is going to continue to go then I might as well take my leave," Logan states as he was about to sink out.

"N-No! I- I'm sorry- ugh. I just. All these negative emotions and feelings are just rubbing off on me- please Logan. I don't think any of us should be alone right now. Don't leave" Patton immediately apologizes after his outburst. He was just telling Virgil off for snapping and he just did the same thing- ugh. Everything just was not going well this afternoon.

Logan sighs to himself before crouching back down once again.

"No Patton. It was completely warranted. I know my plans are inferior to the situation at hand. I guess I too have let the stress of today's events affect me in some way." Logan admits and sighs in exhaust. "I think the sleeping idea was brilliant Patton I have found myself to be rather exhausted currently. Shall we set up the pull-out couch then-"

"No! No. Oh my god. I'm so sorry I even bought this up. This is so stupid. I can go to my room. I didn't mean to intrude on your night or anything-"

"No Virgil. The plans were going to change regardless. The moment I saw Roman come out of his room earlier my mind was made up. There was something wrong- but. We aren't talking about this right now. Right now, we're going to set up the pull-out couch. Get some blankets and pillows and we're going to sleep. Understood?" Patton asks the two traits who were looking at him in desperation to have instructions to follow.

"Understood" The other two nod in agreement as Logan gets to his feet and helps the other two up.

"Okay, good. Now, Virge, do you want to get the pull-out couch ready? You know how long it takes for that thing to actually form into a bed. You alright with that while Logan and I get some blankets and pillows?" Patton asks Virgil who nods to himself.

"Yeah. Sorry for interrupting-"

"Virge I told you it was going to happen regardless. I refuse to let anyway more of us go off alone." Patton says as Virgil looks down in shame.

"Yeah... sorry- I'll go get that couch... pulled out- sorry I just phrased that weird" Virge mutters angrily to himself as he walks off into the living room to get the couch to actually work for once. It would take a few kicks and jabs here and there, but he's sure he's more than capable of attacking a couch with all these access feelings he has right now.

As Virgil left the living room Patton sighs heavily to himself before looking over to Logan who has his arms folded in a defensive manner as he glanced off to the side in an attempt to not make eye contact.

"Come on Lo, let's go get the pillows and blankets. I have a bunch of spare ones in my room." Patton mentions as he walks toward Lo and grabs him by the hand.

"Yes. Let's go and do that" Logan nods as Patton drags him off upstairs and then down the hallway and to Patton's room.

Logan stands at the doorway of Patton's room awkwardly as Pat digs through his seemingly never-ending closet. Patton begins piling out a couple of blankets and a lot of pillows. He closes his closet and gestures for Logan to come and get the materials, but as Logan crouched down to reach for the blankets Patton grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him down into the pile.

"Patton!-" Logan panics as his faces comes into contact with varied soft blankets. Patton lays down next to the struggling side and brings Logan's head to his chest to rest there.

Logan tries to escape the iron grip of Patton, before stopping and hearing a soft sob come from above him.

"Patton?" Lo asks his significant other as tears fall from the eyes of the other.

"What happened Lo?" Patton sniffles and tries to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they were immediately replaced with more.

"Patton-"

"I'm scared Lo." Patton admits.

"I honestly don't know if it's going to be alright. I just said that- I lied" Patton continues to cry as Logan supports himself with his elbows to look up at his partner.

"Patton, honestly I don't know either. I am rather concerned for Roman at the moment and... well everyone including you. You don't have to do this all by yourself. If you need help in any situation please inform me. It is my duty to comfort you when needed as I expect the same from you during distressing times in my existence." Logan says as Patton's sniffles subside.

"Take your own advice, Patton. What matters is right now, and what you do right now is what matters." Logan says as Patton giggles slightly.

"You're such a smartass" Patton snickers as Logan smiles and continues to bury his head in Patton's chest.

"Duly noted." Logan sighs and nods as he enjoys the snuggling that was currently taking place.

They lay there for a small while before Patton sighs to himself and pushes his glasses up to put them in the proper place.

"We ought to get back down there huh? I don't want Virgil to be alone for too long" Pat sighs to himself as Logan whines from his place on his chest.

"Alright." Logan sighs as he sits up while Patton gets to his feet. Patton lends a hand down to Logan who takes his it and gets up quickly.

"I will take the blankets Patton" Logan informs Pat who nods and bends down to grab the three pillows he got out.

"Okay. Let's sleep" Pat nods as Logan stands at the doorway with his arms full of blankets of varied colors.

"Affirmative" Logan nods as Patton happily walks past him and gives the other a quick peck on the lips.

"Thank you" Patton whispers as he continues to walk out of his room and down the hall knowing that he left Logan a flustered mess.

Logan shook his head violently before getting himself together. He really needs to get used to these things Patton does.

As the two make their way back to the living room they found Virgil laying in a fetal position and whining to himself as he scrolls through Tumblr.

"Virgil, off the phone young man. You are not staying up all night tonight!" Patton yells from the bottom of the stairs.

Virgil flinches slightly at the scolding and he immediately turns his phone off and shoves it in his pocket.

"We're the same age... and it's only like... quarter past three in the afternoon." Virgil scoffs as Patton raises a threatening eyebrow.

"What was that? I hope it wasn't back talk" Patton says and sets the three pillows up along each other. "N-no! Maybe... sorry" Virgil sighs and stuffs his face dramatically into the pillow Patton had just placed down.

"Heheh. You know I'm kidding kiddo. Sorry" Patton apologizes as he grabs the blankets from Logan's arms and lays down next to Virgil, taking off his glasses and the cat jersey Logan gifted him as he got comfortable. Logan follows suit and removes his tie and glasses as well as unbuttoning a few buttons off the top before laying down next to Patton.

"We'll do our best for him, Virge. I know you're still mad at him, but I know you care. We'll make sure he's okay." Patton mumbles tiredly as he wraps his arms around the silently panicking side. Patton knew he wouldn't sleep at all unless he had some comfort.

"Thanks" Virgil whispers allowing Patton and snuggle him.

**-**

Patton awoke the next morning to Logan and Virgil latching onto him at the sides. He smiles softly and stares up at the ceiling causing his smile to falter. He wished Roman was here for the snuggle pile.

Patton sits up slowly, as to not awaken the two, but failed as Logan's eyes opened hazily. He reaches out for his glasses at the same time as Patton and they both put on each other's glasses by accident. Patton giggled slightly as he took his glasses off of Logan's face and switched them as well as leaning in for a soft kiss.

"I'm going to make some breakfast and some coffee. Virgil can't function without either." Patton whispers softly as Virgil continues to snore on the couch.

"I too cannot function without coffee. Virgil is a wise creature after all" Logan mumbles grumpily.

Patton rolls his eyes at his boyfriend's habits and mood in the morning. Neither Virgil or Logan were morning people, one of the many reasons why he missed Roman even more. Before... whatever happened to Roman happened... Roman would always help Patton make breakfast and he would just... keep him company without being grouchy about it. Romans singing Disney songs in the morning was one of his favorites things to hear so early. Now it was just filled with groans and whining from his boyfriend. Not that he minded -he loved Logan- but his ears enjoyed Romans singing voice more than Logans right now.

Patton slowly gets up along with Logan. Logan began on the coffee and Patton started on the bacon and eggs.

Not shortly after Virgil waddled into the kitchen and headed straight to the coffee machine, pouring the coffee to the top of the cup and sipping aggressively, ignoring the burn he felt in his throat and mouth.

Virgil and Logan both liked their coffee black, no added sweeteners or milk. Sometimes they frightened Patton. Patton was currently making sugary hot chocolates. He poured some hot water and milk into two mugs along with whipped cream. Pat set two plates full of food down to Virgil and Logan and set his hot chocolate down by his own food at the table. Patton grabbed the extra plate of food he prepared and the other hot chocolate he had just made.

"I'll be right back" Patton mumbles as he leaves the kitchen and makes his way upstairs and down the hall. He stops in front of the dull rainbow door that belonged to Roman and set down the breakfast and hot chocolate. He knocks softly on the door before talking calmly.

"Hey Ro. It's your favorite. Bacon and eggs with some really sugary hot chocolate. Please eat today. You haven't eaten in four days... please eat." Patton sighs desperately, waiting a minute for a response, but nothing came. It was expected.

Patton walks down the hallway and glances down toward the Prince's door one last time before sighing and making his way downstairs and toward the kitchen where the other two were waiting for him to begin breakfast. This whole morning was very tense.

Little did Patton know as soon as he walked down the stairs a certain Virgil look alike opened the door and took the food from the floor. Roman really needed the food, and Pill was not about to let him starve.

Patton sat down at his seat in silence as the other two look at him expectedly. 'Did he respond?' they asked with silent eyes. Patton shook his head no to their silent question. The answer was no, so he told them so. The two averted their eyes from Patton and looked down at their food awkwardly.

"Let's eat and talk," Patton says quietly as he begins to dig into his food.

"Now. First thing's first." Patton says, taking charge of the conversation as it seems the other two weren't going to participate without temptation.

"How does everyone feel?" Patton asks glancing from Logan to Virgil who made no attempt to answer him.

"Okay... I'll go first." Patton sighs and takes a bite out of his food while Virgil pokes his and Logan sips on his coffee.

"Honestly? I feel like shit." Patton says and Virgils eyes widen as Logan sighs to himself in response.

"I mean- Roman. There's something definitely wrong. I don't know if he's okay. I don't know anything because he won't let me or anyone else talk to him about anything, and it's stressing me out. There's obviously something wrong with you too Virgil and I don't know how to help- and it's making me feel... just helpless and small. I just feel bad and I can't do anything about it." Patton takes a deep breath in and out.

"Look at that. I'm feeling much better now... or well a little bit better. Now someone else please go before I cry" Patton sighs and takes a sip of his hot chocolate while eyeing the other two traits expectingly.

"Well. I suppose I too am 'feeling' not... good. I am also concerned for Romans mental, emotional, and physical health as he hasn't seemed to engage with either of us in any way shape or form and it is quite alarming. And I am... also disturbed that Patton seems to be quite troubled and I worry for you, Patton. I also feel quite vulnerable and I do not like it one bit." Logan finishes his thoughts and takes a bite out of his food.

Patton stares sadly into Logan's eyes, empathizing with him and giving him a soft smile as a quiet 'I'll be okay. I promise'.

Patton and Logan suddenly divert their eyes to Virgil who stares at the two uncomfortably.

"Virgil? How do you feel?" Patton asks as the other stares at the other two blankly.

...

"Fucking terrible." Virgil shrugs and continues to poke his food.

...

...

"Would you like to elaborate on that Virge?" Patton asks as Virgil is unable to make eye contact.

"Not really..."

...

"I find it quite unfair that we had to share rather embarrassing... 'feelings' and you not return the favor," Logan mumbles to himself.

"Now, Logan. If he doesn't want to share then we won't force him too-"

"No, he's right" Virgil sighs and shoves his food away from him.

Virgil clears his throat and was going to think carefully about what he was going to say, but instead decided to just go for it.

"I... hate feeling like this, but I'm constantly in this mood lately and it won't go away. Usually, I would just watch movies with you guys and the bad mood would just piss off, but now... it doesn't feel the same without him. Nothing feels the same without him and I need a constant to function properly and right now everything is changing so fast- and I hate it. I miss Roman and it's stressing me out that he's not constantly annoying me, or constantly singing, or doing anything! He's just in his damn room and apparently hanging out with Deceit and I feel betrayed. And all I'm doing is yelling and crying and having stupid panic attacks and I just- heh... I just... hate everything that's happening and it's just making me more irritable and I can't think clearly." Virgil lets out all in one breath.

"Good Virgil. You did very well" Patton smiles and sighs.

"And by the way, there is no way Roman and Deceit are 'hanging out'. No way." Patton adds as Virgil snaps his head upwards.

"What do you mean? He flat out told us yesterday and... and he even had that stupid nickname" Virgil mumbles the last part quietly.

"Oh come on Virgil. Surely you know Roman is way more creative than just 'Dee'. If Roman was actually spending time with Deceit then he would have some extravagant, well-thought-out nickname. 'Dee' is literally the first part of 'Deceit'. I agree with Patton. It seems highly unlikely that he would spend so much time with Deceit for so long. Now that I really think about it, it makes no logical sense."

"Yeah. And besides I have been walking past Romans door almost every hour of every day lately and I have not once seen Deceit near his door. So Roman is either lying for the heck of it -which I can't even comprehend him doing- or he's being threatened." Patton concludes as Logan stares at the other with wide eyes.

"Patton... your deduction skills have increased exponentially." Logan comments, somehow falling even more in love with his boyfriend.

"wAIT- SHut up with your cute couple shit. ROMAN AND DECEIT HAVEN'T ACTUALLY BEEN HANGING OUT?! AND THAT DOUCHEBAG THREATENED RO? OH MY GOD I'M SO STUPID-"

"Virgil you know I don't like when you call yourself stupid. Please-"

"NO PATTON I DESERVE IT! THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON WHY I WAS EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAD!- I- HE MUST HATE ME!" Virgil whines and sinks to the ground.

"Oh my god, I'm literally going to strangle Deceit the next time I see his stupid snake face." Virgil huffs from beneath the table.

"Now, Virgil surely there are better ways rather than physical violence to deal with this-" Logan says before suddenly being cut off.

"No, I'm on Virgil's side. I vote murder!" Patton's voice interrupts causing Virgil to jump in fear of Pattons words with eventually made Virgil hit his head on the bottom of the table.

" _Fuck!_  That hurt" Virgil curses and gets up from under the table, holding his head gently.

"I... okay I suppose we are planning a homicide. Virgil, what is the first order of business then in Deceits eventual demise?" Logan shrugs and just goes along with it in complete seriousness. He was going to kill Deceit if that's what Patton and Virgil wanted. And besides... if he truly did threaten Roman he was going to pay for it.

"Wh- okay. Uhm... maybe not murder -I honestly thought Patton was going to talk me out of that one- but I don't know. He needs to pay in some way. We need Deceit, but still... no one messes with  _my_  Roman" Virgil huffs and sits on the chair, still holding his head in pain.

" _Your_ Roman?" Patton questions a cheeky smile plastering his face.

"W-what? No! I didn't say 'my' Roman" Virgil scoffs and pretends to focus on his hurt head.

"Patton is correct. You said and I quote 'No one messes with  _my_ Roman-"

"I MEANT OUR!- JEEZ! THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO FOCUS ON! WORDS AREN'T EVEN REAL HUMANS ONLY CREATED THEM TO COMMUNICATE AND-"

"And give themselves a sense of purpose. Yes, Virgil, I think we all know everything we work for is pointless in the end." Logan finishes the screeching sides sentence.

"Wow, guys. I really don't want to have an existential crisis at the moment. Please save me from that and get back to murdering Deceit... please" Patton pleads in such an innocent manner that Virgil and Logan almost missed the sinister words Patton just said.

"I- Patton we are not killing Deceit as much as I want to- Jesus what have I done" Virgil whines to himself.

"I don't see why not. Who needs lies? Besides, he quite clearly is hurting my creative little baby and I refuse to let it go on any more. Homicide is the best cure for Deceit at the moment." Patton huffs though he knew he would never end another sides life, but... it was a nice thought.

"I understand Patton, but without Deceit, we would all not be able to lie _at all_. Not even about hiding those cookies, I know you hid a month ago in an attempt to have a secret cookie stash-"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!" Patton slams his hands down onto the table.

"Patton... you're a terrible liar" Virgil adds as Patton pouts loudly.

"Anyway. It is my turn to do the dishes" Logan mentions and gets up to start the dishes.

"Oh I'll help Lo" Patton mumbles as the three think of what to do.

"Me too" Virgil sighs.

The three finally got into a steady flow Logan washing, Patton drying and Virgil putting the dishes away.

"I need to apologize to him before we stage the suicide of Deceit. I just need to get it off my chest." Virgil mumbles as he puts the last mug away.

Patton smiles softly and nods.

"We'll just stay down here and plot against him. You go and do what you need to kiddo" Patton smiles as he wraps his arms around Logan's waist.

"Yeah... okay." Virgil sighs and stalks out of the kitchen and then up the stairs and toward Romans bedroom.

He knocks, but there was no response. Not that he was expecting one in the first place.

"Ahem... okay. I- I don't even know where to start. Ugh- I..."

...

"I'm so sorry Roman."

"I just- I let all my emotions get all caught up and- and I just. I exploded. Truth be told I... I've been really irritable lately and just... bad. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but Thomas has been way too anxious lately and it's totally my fault, but I can't stop and you... you're usually the one that helps me calm down. You balance me out, and without you I- I keep messing up and yelling and I have too much control over Thomas' state of mind! I mean he hasn't been out of the house in a week! Roman, please... I just. I'm too  _me_ to do anything right and you're just... so much better at doing things then I am and I- I... we all miss you. I miss you and we aren't the same without you. You provide consistency and it helps me, but then you stopped showing up to family dinners and movie nights I just got scared and all these negative thoughts kept popping up in my head and I gave in and it affected Thomas and just so many things are happening. I mean Patton wants to legitly gut Deceit like a fish and he's been cursing and Logans been feeling and he's concerned and I'm- I'm a mess. We're all a mess without you Roman. I'm sorry I shouted at you. I'm sorry I haven't been checking up on you as much as I should've been. I was just scared I was bothering you and I just exploded yesterday. I was so mad when you said you were hanging out with Deceit and I felt betrayed and I couldn't think! I still can't think!... I know now that it was stupid to think you would hang out with him without talking to us first. You're loyal Roman. If there's one thing that you definitely are it's loyal and loving, and caring, and just- everything I'm not..."

"We just need you, Roman. I know it's selfish, but we need you... and I think you need us too... just... please. If you don't want to talk to me then just talk to Patton at least, or heck, even Logan will do! Just... talk to us again."

Virgil didn't even notice until now, but he was crying a waterfall. His cheeks were stained and he was a sobbing mess on the ground in front of Romans door. He decided he needed to get himself together for Roman's sake and sighs, breathing slowly and steadily as he gets to his feet.

"I just wanted you to know how much we care. How much I care... I'm sorry. I'll leave now" Virgil sniffles and wipes his face with his hoodie. It was a wobbly way back to standing properly, but he got there in the end.

Virgil looks to the door one last time before he glances away while he made his way down the hall and stairs and all the way back to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Pill had their ear to the door the whole time as they gazed sadly at Roman who was unfortunately still unconscious. Pill really wanted him to hear what Virgil just said and recorded it as best they could on Romans phone (that they saved from the others bloody pocket). Roman needed to hear this. And although Pill still absolutely hates Virgil with their whole being, they were grateful to Virgil for this. This was exactly what Roman needed at the moment.

Pill debates whether or not to wake Roman up for this and the food (that was now cold), but decided against it. Roman deserved this nap.

They'd make sure to wake Ro up before nightfall tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK DUDEUDUDEUDU IDEK IM SO SAD AND IM CRYING AND I JUST LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH AND I CANT AND I KNOW AND I I CANT ENGLISH APPARENTLY. I'm sorry I'm just- I can't rn. I'm literally editing this and I hate past me for this, but I also lowkey love her? idk. This was very long I'm so sorry if it was too long I just had a creative strike and I just- exploded. Oof. tbh i need them to talk and make up and tell the truth, but i know me and i won't allow it tbh the angst is too good. im gonna do a bit more with dee before i redeem that boi (because guys im a sucker for a good deceit and i need him to be loved and not constantly plotted against in a murderous sense. i love him ok. I LOVE THEM ALL). I will also never apologize for the huge amounts of highkey logicality and lowkey prinxiety. i refuse. i love them ok dont judge- okay sorry ill get back to editing this thing (its literally 2:00am and it probs will be published at 4:00am where i live, BUT ITS WORTH IT OKAY, sorry the time is getting to my head and i'm very hyper and am currently thriving off this angst.) ANYWAY. As always please tell me if there are any grammatical mistakes (U COWARDS) and if you guys are confused about something, I'll do my best to answer your questions ^-^. Anyway, peace out!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	6. 5 - Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Editing me here, fuck it's late I have school uGH- uhm. So a little random bit of Roceit (don't look into it) and a lot of crying, and arguing, trigger warning Pill (the sweet bean) kinda... get hurt don't- oof okay yeah... Patton gets mad... that's a valid warning okay?... oh yeah and just... mentions of gore, slight self-harm not really. So yeah. BE SAFE U BUTTS. I LOVE YOU ALL.**

"--."

"-----?"

" _Ro..._ "

" _Roman._ "

"Roman!"

The loud noise frightened the previously unconscious man. He flinched slightly at the sudden movement he took and looks hazily up at Virgil- or well Pill who was currently poking him lightly in the face.

"I'm awake Pill... thank you" Ro sighs and rubs his eyes. His wounds hurt and ached at the movement, but he could move nonetheless... just not without pain. It must've been a while since he passed out due to the bandages that were wrapped around his whole body, and the fact that he's feeling... less shit then he did previously.

"Oh- oh good." Pill says sheepishly. "I'm sorry" They sigh as Roman looks up at them in confusion.

"Why are you apologizing? I just thanked you???" Roman mutters as he moves to sit up, but not without Pill flailing around to help him, silently panicking at the amount of movement happening.

"I... may have let you sleep for... two days?" Pill coughs as Romans eyes widen in alarm.

"WHAT!?" Roman panics and makes an attempt to fling out of bed, but instead, he basically threw himself against a wall.

You could hear the sickening crack that was a result of the impact to the wall, it echoed all throughout the room. Pill paled and stared bug-eyed at the other who was now faceplanted into the floor next to the door.

"Roman! Oh my gosh darn heck! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to redo some of your stitching!? Oh no, you're bleeding again! I think you reopened up one of your wounds- ROMAN ARE YOU DEAD?!" Pill screams in panic as Roman was deathly still on the carpeted ground.

"No!- N-no. Jeez, Pill it's fine" Roman breathes heavily to himself, trying to ignore the burning pain he felt in his chest. He did, in fact, reopen one of his wounds from Pills stitching job and now he was regretting it.

"Oh, thank god- don't you ever do that again!" Pill growls lowly and opens Romans top bedside drawer to retrieve a first aid kit (that was used way too frequently in their own opinion) out. They fell to their knees on the ground next to Roman and gently turns Roman over and places his head on their lap causing Roman to tense up at everything occurring.

"Sorry" Roman coughs out as Pill rolls their eyes and takes out some small scissors from the first aid kit box.

"Don't apologize. Just don't do it again" Pill murmurs as they cut the bloody bandages open and disregards them into a small rubbish bin next to Romans bedside drawer.

"I'll try not to" Roman chuckles sinisterly as he watches Pill clean up the bleeding word.

A big bold red and raw wound ran impossibly deep into Romans' chest.

_'STUPID'_

It was the 'T' of the word that was spilling out blood every chance it got. Pill sighs and begins treating the wound as Roman whined like a little bratty baby (in Romans own opinion. There was no need for such whining).

"It stings!" Roman cries silently to himself as Pill cleans the wound with disinfectant.

"Please, Roman I know. Just try not to move or throw your body at any more walls. It will be over soon... promise" Pill whispers reassuringly as Romans body shakes in response to the painful sensation.

"Now... this will be the worse part. I'm sorry in advance. I usually do this when you're sleeping or unconscious. This won't be very pleasant" Pill sighs as Roman stares wearily at the big sharpened needle Pill had in their hand.

"Oh  _fuck_ " Roman whimpers as Pills gentle hand got closer to the raw wound.

"On the count of three okay?" Pill says softly as their hand hovers over the reddened area of Romans skin- or well... what used to be skin.

"Oh- oh shit. Okay- wait. Fuck. Can I just bang my head into the wall to pass out?" Roman panics at Pills serious facial features. Pill furrows their eyebrows at Romans idea.

"No. C'mon Ro, that'll just hurt you further, you know this. Please just... be brave yeah? You're the Prince right?" Pill says in Virgil's tone of voice as Roman stares up at the other in doubt.

"Pfft... no. I'm not brave... I'm a coward. I don't deserve to be called a Prince." Roman sighs as he diverts his eyes in order to avoid any further eye contact. Pill wishes they would physically rip Romans insecurities out of his body and yeet them out the window... or maybe they'd give the insecurities to Virgil, Patton or Logan.

See how they liked it.

Pill shook their head at the thought and sighed.

"You are not a coward Ro. You know that. You're so brave to go through this all by yourself-"

"You're here aren't you? Why else would you be here if I couldn't take care of myself? I'm literally the embodiment of cowardness! I'm hiding in my room all the time. I can't even face them! And I made you just so I wouldn't have to! How is that me not being a wimpy cowar-" Roman begins to yell as Pill stares down at the other with angry eyes and cuts him off before the other went on an unneeded rant of self-depreciation that wouldn't help their scenario right now.

"That's enough Roman." Pill says in a cold tone as Romans eyes widen and then he looks off to the side in a pout.

"Just do it," Ro says quietly.

Pills hand shakes slightly before they got themselves together. Pill slowly and precisely threads the needle through Romans skin.

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH- FUCK!- NO PLEAS-_ "

Roman immediately tensed up in pain and begins  _screaming_  in reaction to it. It hurt Pill so bad to hear and see this.

Roman was a mess.

"Just a little longer. Shhhhh" Pill lies to the other as Roman cries his eyes out. It would take a while for Pill to get this done especially with all of Romans thrashing about, but he needed to calm the other as much as possible.

" _NO PLEASE PILL- I-I CAN'T! I CHANGE MY MIND PLEASE!_ " Roman shouts out into his room as his shaking hands reach for the needle, but Pill holds them down with their free hand. It wasn't very hard to outdo Roman in the strength department and was easy to stop the other from prying. See Roman looks buff and all, but that's just how he's made himself out to be seen. Realistically he's as strong as a three-year-old, especially in this state.

"Please Roman. You need to calm down or this will take much longer than it needs too" Pill sniffles to themselves, trying to hold back their own tears.

" _N-NO P-P-PLE-ASE STOP! I'M BEGGING YOU!_ " Roman chokes out and that made Pill snap. Water now flowed out of their eyes and since they were still currently Virgil, black mascara and eyeshadow stained their cheeks.

"S-shhhhh it's going okay Ro" Pill sobs as he continues to stitch up Romans wound.

" _NO, IT'S NOT!- DEAR GOD PLEASE!_ " Roman continues to struggle against Pill making the whole experience one Pill and Roman would never ever want to relive. Ever again.

**-**

After roughly an hour of honestly just pain and crying Pill finishes up and cleans the wound one last time before wrapping Roman back up into fresh bandages as he hyperventilates to himself. Pill puts the first aid kit down and sits Roman up against the wall.

"Shhhhh, Ro it's all done," They says quietly as they shuffle toward Romon who was still sobbing and whimpering to himself.

" _No more, please_ " Roman whispers to no one in particular.

"Come here" Pill sighs and wraps their arms around Romans frame. Ro immediately leans into the others touch and sobs into their chest.

"I'm so sorry Ro" Pill breathes out as the two cry together simultaneously.

**-**

Two hours later of continual crying Roman wipes his eyes clean of tears as does Pill.

"Here, I'll help you back up onto the bed-"

"N-no. I- can you sit me up at my desk please?" Roman croaks out as Pills looks at the other in strong disapproval.

"Uhm... no? Not after that. Most definitely not." Pill makes up their mind.

"Fine. Then I'll get up myself" Roman mutters passive aggressively.

"No, you won't." Pill scoffs as they push against Romans' chest lightly, not allowing the other to move.

"Pill. If you're not going to help me then go away-"

"I'm literally only here to help you, Roman. I'm not leaving." Pill huffs out at the other stubbornly, cutting Roman off.

"Pill! I'm serious. I need to fucking work!" Roman growls out as he tries to move the weight of the other off of himself.

"No! What you need to do is fucking  _rest_!" Pill spits out.

"NO!" Roman yells as he beings to kick randomly into the air.

"Stop it!- Roman oh my god! You stubborn little-" Pill gets cut off as Roman begins to thrash about like a child having a temper tantrum.

Pill eventually outsmarts the other and finally has Roman pinned to the ground.

"You either let me help you to bed, or you're sleeping on the floor." Pill says seriously and lowly as Roman glares up at the other in anger.

"I choose neither- you know what?! If you don't let me go right now I'm... I'll deactivate you!" Roman shouts as Pill stares down at the other in shock and fury.

"You wouldn't dare. What happened to me having my own free will hmm?!" Pill growls out causing Roman to flinch slightly, but he didn't cave.

"Well, you should've just left then! I said you could leave any time you wanted to! GO ON AND DO IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE AN OBJECT BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU ARE IN HERE! YOU'RE AN OBJECT THAT I CAN USE AND DISPOSE OF WHEN I WANT TO BECAUSE I CAN'T FACE MYSELF! NOW LET ME DO MY FUCKING JOB!" Roman shouts loudly up into the others face, tears spilling down Romans face (which Pill found almost impossible as he just dried out his tears just a second ago. They were there with him when he cried for two hours straight). Pill stays silent but doesn't give up. They know Romans under a lot of pressure right now and doesn't mean the words he is saying. It's the other traits that make him like this. This is why Pill hates the others so much. Too many high expectations. If the others didn't demand ideas every two seconds maybe Roman wouldn't be trying to push away Pill right now. Maybe Roman wouldn't be slowly dying and not letting Pill help him!

He's always trying to push them away like this and they hate it.

"I'm not leaving." Pill says deadly serious, unconsciously squeezing down on Romans wrists.

Romans eyebrows furrow together before he breathes in deeply and glares up at the other.

"Your mistake." He mutters as he clicks his finger together.

Two things happen at once due to this. One, Roman suppresses the need to vomit at his own actions and begins sobbing quietly to himself and two, an inanimate body pillow falls down onto Romans chest.

Roman breathes heavily to himself and pushes himself up against the closest wall. He squeezes his eyes shut before glancing sadly over toward the motionless body pillow.

"Sorry... but I have to work" Ro whispers to himself as he uses the wall to his advantage and flings himself up into a standing stance.

Work, work, work.

He slowly, but surely made his way across the room, he gently lifted the body pillow that was as still as it could be. Roman partially wanted to bring Pill back, convince them that this is the best way, maybe they'd support and help him through the work, but... Roman knew Pill wouldn't listen to him. They're too stubborn. Just like he made them... besides they probably hate him too now. He doesn't need more hate right now to add to his thoughts.

Instead, he lays the white pillow onto his bed and sighs sadly to himself before limping over to his work desk. He sees his phone and several plates of varied foods.

His stomach rumbled at the sight of it all. Oh god, he's hungry... but he doesn't really need food, and he doesn't deserve Pattons cooking.

It's just a waste.

Roman's sure if he put all the food back out, Virgil would eat it and it wouldn't go to waste. It's not like sides need food anyway, so he's not really... starving himself or anything. So it's not bad, it's just... he really doesn't deserve it. Sure the Sides could get hungry every once and a while, Patton's food is more like... like loving energy, it's beautiful and too good for Roman.

He could use that extra energy right now, but he doesn't want to waste Patton's love. Virgil and Logan needed it more anyway. Roman found himself slowly, and shakingly opening his bedroom door, but not before listening intensely for any of the sides. He can't just pop his stupid head out and allow any of the sides to see him in this state. After a while, he finally opened the door, laying out all the food that was layered on his working desk. It took him  _so_ long to do this. It was a lot of walking back and forth. He used his bedroom walls for support way too much, but he got there. He got there in the end and that's all that mattered.

He didn't want to think about Patton's undoubtedly sad facial expression once he saw all this food out in the middle of the hallway.

He wasn't going to think about it, because right now? Right now he needed to work.

That was all that was on his mind. He needed to get these ideas done and get them to Logan... but how? He's definitely not coming out of his room, like... ever again. So... how?

Patton and Logan are dating now, Roman's sure if he slides the ideas under the space of the door Patton would surely give them to Logan. Patton always walks by, so surely it would work.

Okay, he's got a plan. Now to get working.

He sat at his desk, rearranging bits and pieces of stupid, failed ideas, throwing most of them in the trash and rewriting. He shoved most of his papers to the side (or maybe he accidentally pushed them to the ground instead because you know, Roman's nothing but an unhappy accident after all) and conjured up a plain bullet point pen. He used to conjure some fancy quill, with an extravagant red floofy feather and his handwriting was so elegant and beautiful and just so... so...  _ **'** unbelievably hard to read **'**_  as Logan would put it. And so Roman was here, trying not to link his handwriting, or doing anything that would annoy the logical side. He wanted Logan's job to be as easy as possible, he didn't want to stress him out. So Roman started to teach himself to not link like how he was instinctively used to. It took him months to figure it out and stop, sometimes he still accidentally does something stupid with his handwriting and he facepalms so hard it leaves bruises.

Anyway. All that doesn't matter. What matters now is his work. And work he shall.

He's not going to think about how Pill will never comfort him again.

He's not going to think about how late and shit his ideas are.

He's not going to think about how annoyed Logan will be once he gets said half-assed ideas.

He's not going to think about how sad Patton is going to be later due to the uneaten food.

He's not going to think about how much Virgil hates him.

And he's definitely not going to think about how much of a disappointment he is to everybody.

No.

Those thoughts are for later.

Right now he was going to work, and he's going to come up with  _something_  to give Logan... and then?

And then he's going to work some more. He can't afford this happening ever again.

Nothing matters except...

Work.

**-**

"I know that, but he's been like this for ages now Logan! It's not just been a short term thing." Patton rubs his temples in frustration.

Right now the sides are... in a slight argument. Roman still hasn't come out. It's been days since Virgil's apology, Logan and Patton even took turns apologizing to Roman, the whole group went over together and talked to the door collectively as well.

Nothing's worked.

And it's been chaos ever since.

"I know that Patton I just- I'm trying okay?"

"Well  _trying_ isn't going to bring Roman back Logan!"

"Well, yelling isn't helping either!" Logan growls, his tone was oddly emotional.

"You're such a hypocrite! You're yelling too! Oh my god give me a second- Virgil can you  _not_?!" Patton was suddenly yelling in the darker traits direction. His eyes hot, watering and angry.

"Oh, I'm sorry Patton. I'll just switch it off. Yeah? You want me to duck out again?! Don't you think I  _wish_  I could just turn it off!? I do! But I fucking can't! My head just keeps thinking up these terrible situations and I can't turn it the fuck off! So I'm sorry I'm being so inconvenient for you right now!- you know what. Now I know why Roman can't stand us. Look at this! Logan is always so controlling and- and you're always mad at the smallest and stupidest things, Patton you're probably worse than Logan. Heaven forbid Patton being mad, or sad, or even feeling slightly bad. Do you know how much pressure there is just trying not to hurt or disappoint you, Patton? And me?! DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING?! LOOK AT US!... no wonder Roman can't be in the same room as us most of the time. WE'RE A FUCKING MESS!"

Then there was silence... and more tears.

"I'm sorry. I... I'm just... I need to go for a walk." Patton apologizes as he glances off toward the stairs.

"Of course," Logan mutters while he lets out a loud sigh.

Patton nods slightly wiping his crying eyes and then he takes a deep breath before walking off down the hall.

They all knew Virgil was right, but no one had the guts to bring it up.

There's an unspoken rule that they all agreed upon and that was that none of the sides should be alone until this was all sorted out, but this always backfires when the traits are all cooped up too close together like this. It's especially having quite a big effect on Patton. Logan and Virgil are both traits from the left side of the brain, and he's the only one from the right. Logan's temperament issues are quite obviously taking their toll on Patton, as well as Virgil's neverending anxiety. He's just stressed out, and he needs to get away from the two for a while. Not too long, never longer than half an hour, but he still just... needs to walk it off. He usually just sits in front of Romans door and waits until he feels he can speak without shouting again.

Virgil and Logan are to being affected quite negatively. Logan... has been crying. He doesn't appreciate being so vulnerable in front of the others, but Patton insists. Virgils panic isn't helping either, honestly, it's just amplifying Logan's frustration. Logan can't think. He doesn't want to know what effects this has on Thomas' psyche.

Virgil's been on edge for a while now. He'd had a bad feeling about Roman for a while now, even before this whole thing played out. He didn't want to bring it up and now look what happened? He screwed up. He keeps screwing up. He could've helped Roman before he shut them out, but no. Instead, he screwed it up even more. Patton's emotions are getting to him and now his face was completely blank. No eyeshadow, no nothing. Except for his real and honest eye bags. The tears washed the foundation and black eyeshadow away.

The two sit in silence until they hear something that sounded like a sob.

"We missed him," the voice said softly.

The two glance over at Patton in a confused manner until they saw him with  _a lot_  of dishes in his arms. What made it worse is that those dishes still had food on them.

"Oh... oh no. Patton-" Virgil clamps a hand over his mouth and rushes toward the other.

"I- he didn't- I thought he was eating I- I was so happy and now-" Patton sniffles and basically throws all the plates, bowls, cups, and mugs to the floor. An earth-shattering noise erupting from the now broken dishes.

"We need to do something. Right now. I- I'm going crazy and I can't- I... I can't anymore. Please, there has to be something" Patton sniffles into Virgil's chest, as the two sink to the floor.

"We could... try Thomas again?" Logan comments helplessly as he watches his partner breakdown.

He'd, of course, deny later that he too was crying at that moment.

"Won't work. We already tried. Roman obviously made sure not to let any of us in. Thomas can't take us there if Roman's actively trying to keep us out" Virgil wipes his nose and stares at Logan uselessly.

"This is hell." Patton sobs.

"That it is Patton" Logan sighs and sits on his knees to rub his boyfriends back in an attempt to comfort him.

...

...

"What if... we camp outside of his door?" Virgil mutters as Patton perks up.

"Instead of the lounge I- I mean... like... I don't know one of us could be awake at all times, just in case?" Virgil says as Patton pulls away and wipes his reddened face.

"That is... not a healthy sleeping schedule," Logan says and then looks up to the ceiling.

"But whatever Roman's doing up there is quite obviously not healthy either. So I suppose." Logan says, disregarding his previous argument. He wasn't sleeping regardless.

"Agreed" Patton sniffles.

"Okay. So let's set that up then." Virgil sighs and gets to his feet, helping Patton up in the process.

"Yeah... you guys go do that. I'll clean up my... mess" Patton mutters and stares down at the shattered glass on the other side of the living rooms floor.

And so they did. Patton cleaned up the glass and food that had been thrown, Virgil and Logan moved their blankets and pillows upstairs in front of Romans door and then they all sat. In silence.

"We'll rotate. I don't really care in what order" Virgil says and leans against Romans door.

"If he comes out, just yell or... something. I don't know." Virgil sighs and rubs his head in a frustrative manner as he stares up at the ceiling.

"Okay, kiddo. Want to sleep first? Or..." Patton says softly.

"I think you should... have the first nap, Patton," Logan mentions as Virgil shakes his head at Patton's previous suggestion of him sleeping first. "No... I couldn't possibly... sleep..." Patton yawns as he's already laying his head on Logan's lap slowly.

"Yes. Yes, you could" Virgil chuckles quietly as Patton struggles to get words out to argue before falling into a deep slumber, snoring quietly, but loud enough for the pair to hear.

"Cute." Virgil smiles down at Patton as Logan raises a suspicious eyebrow causing Virgil to chuckle slightly.

"Chill Lo, I'm not going to steal your boyfriend" Virgil smiles and stuffs his hands into his jersey as Logan shifts slightly against the wall opposite to Romans door, making sure not to wake up the sleeping Patton.

"Satisfactory" Logan nods happily with Virgil's answer.

"Yes... satisfactory indeed." Virgil mocks his friend as the other sighs and takes his glasses off his face to massage his nose.

Then silence fell between the two. They just sit in comfortable and peaceful silence a small snore here and there comes from Patton's mouth... that was until...

"Do you really think of me as controlling?"

Well. That's not what he was expecting, but... Virgil's words always had a way to bite him in the ass sooner or later.

"I... Logan, honestly I was just irritated and-"

"There is no point in deceiving me, Virgil. I am quite sure you do see me as such. Let me rephrase my question; What exactly makes me controlling, so I can attempt to improve on it." Logan says and moves to put his glasses down on the floor before removing Pattons glasses off of his face and lays them down next to his own. ' _It's not good to sleep with your glasses on_ ' Logan always reminded Patton, but the other never listens.

"Logan-" Virgil sighs and rubs his eyes before sitting up a little straighter (pfft heh, straight). "Okay. Serious talk time I guess" Virgil says, not realizing he totally just quoted Roman. Logan made note of it but didn't bring it up.

"Sometimes. Only sometimes you can be a little, tiny bit-"

"Do not pant-ronize me" Logan mumbles tiredly as he rests his head against the wall behind him in an attempt to get cozy.

"You stole Patton's pun, but okay-" Virgil mutters before continuing, trying to ignore the glare Logan was sending him through closed eyes.

"Okay! Seems we aren't pulling back any punches then-"

"We are not in a physical fight Virgil, please so not punch me at all-"

"Logan that's not the point- I... I can't even, okay. Look. Sometimes you can be really controlling in how Thomas' life should go. It's like, if it doesn't fit into your schedule it's not going to happen, or it's trashed like... it doesn't even really matter. You just have impossibly high standards, Lo. It can get a little stressful sometimes, like how Roman mentioned in that video ages ago when you two were arguing. It's just... I don't know- sorry-"

"Please refrain from apologizing, I see your point. Quite honestly I didn't necessarily take that video as seriously as I probably should have" Logan mumbles to himself. It was obvious Lo was rather tired.

"Well... I could use some constructive criticism too...? It would help me feel like less of a prick" Virgil mumbles as Logan opens his eyes and stares up at the blurry ceiling light.

"Hmm... if you insist," Logan says as Virgil nods, silently preparing himself.

"You have a... way with words Virgil, that makes it seem like you don't care."

Okay... wasn't expecting that. That was actually the opposite of what Virgil was expecting quite honestly.

"What? I'm confused..." Virgil says and looks to the other in a state of confusion.

"We know you do care Virgil. Honestly, it doesn't bother me 'emotionally' as much as the other two it seems. But you still close yourself off quite a lot, even after you've quote-unquote 'opened up'. It seems to be a default setting of yours to get irritated and to close yourself off when you're uncomfortable and so you make it seem like you don't care about what's happening... either that or you panic, and I know that's your individual trait and you can't control it, so... do what you will with this information" Logan says. Everything was a little... mumbly (is that even a word?...) and sometimes didn't really make sense, but Virgil got the jist of it. Virgil's just going to blame it on Logan being tired. You don't really think when your attempting unconsciousness.

"Fair enough" Virgil sighs and pulls his knees in toward himself as he watches Logan doze off.

He hopes Roman knows he really does care as Logan seems to know. He has to know that right?... that Virgil cares?

"Hey... Roman. I know you're probably sleeping, or... something. But... I do care. I... yeah. Sorry." Virgil sighs at the lack of response but he wasn't necessarily surprised or anything.

Jesus Christ, he really is shit at showing he cares, isn't he?

He really needs to fix that.

**-**

He's done.

They may not be... the worlds best ideas, but he spent maybe a couple of days on them. They had to be... at least okay?... maybe.

Probably.

He'd heard much more noise as of late, but he'd been in such a zone that he didn't really pay attention to the voices. They were close though. Must be the others walking past his door... a lot. It's weird, but he made sure to tune them out and work properly. He remembers Virgil doesn't like when  _anyone_ eavesdrops on his conversations, so he makes sure to stop that old habit he had.

He stared down at the five folders in front of him. It took him a while to narrow it all down, but he got there. Though he was sure Logan was going to go for the court idea, he'd made sure there were backups. He didn't know what situation Thomas would have to be in to go to court, but that wasn't his job... or maybe it is? Maybe it should be... should he be doing that? Will they hate him more if he didn't figure out the specifics?... oh no- no wait. He can't delay this anymore, he'll extend later if Logan really wanted him to.

At this point, Romans injuries had hardened by now. Just... a lot of scabs for him to pick at... which is what he's doing right now. Roman tried not to pick them, but he can't help it sometimes. He makes sure not to pick at the... more severe injuries, but again... he can't help it sometimes. Pill usually hits his hands away or yells at him to stop picking at them, but Pill's not here right now so... heheh.

No wonder everyone hates him. He never listens... 

Roman stops himself from picking yet another scab til it bleed, and then he got to his feet. Woah. He really shouldn't have gotten up so fast. Damn, now he's dizzy... and everything's fuzzy. This always happened though.

After a long, long, long time of planning and coming up with ideas he gets a little stiff, and then getting up so fast? Never goes well for Roman. Ever. He used to stretch every once and a while between brainstorming sessions, but he doesn't have time for that anymore. Who cares if he feels like he's gonna vomit. No one else does, so why should he? Instead, he deals with it. Like he should.

He stood there for a couple of minutes, gathering himself together before he began walking slowly toward his door. He wasn't in  _too_  much pain. Mostly aching and a neverending headache. But both those things were normal and constant, so he's fine/

He finally was staring at the wall where his door usually was and waved his hand over the spot until the actual door popped up out of nowhere, it would've jump scared the tired trait, but he saw it coming.

Roman fell to his knees and gathered his folders together. They were too thick to slide under all at once, so he'd just have to do one at a time.

Roman grabbed the first yellow folder off the top of the pile and began pushing... but it wasn't going under- wait. Was something blocking it? What was blocking it?

He pulled the folder back and pressed his face to the carpet of his bedroom to check what was there, but honestly, it was no use. He couldn't see anything, but a looming shadow. What was that?

"Roman?..."

It was a voice.

Virgil's voice.

Uh-oh.

"What?" A different voice mumbled from the other side of the door. It was Patton. He sounded much more awake than Virgil.

Why were they just sitting out there? How long have they been there for? Is this what he'd been hearing? Oh god, how long have they been wasting their time waiting for him? Were they just... camping out there? Please don't tell him that's the case.

"I... I-I thought I felt something... I don't- sorry I just... maybe I was dreaming or something" Virgil sighs and Roman could feel and hear him shift against the door.

"Are you sure Virge? You're... alright? Maybe... we. I kind of wanted to talk to you about something." Patton's voice got quieter. What?... no wait Roman shouldn't be eavesdropping Virgil hates it he really shouldn't be-

"It's about... what you said a couple of days ago. I was... thinking about it... for a while now actually. I was kind of scared to bring it up and make it... any more real than it was because you were right- I... do you think... do I really pressure you guys a lot? I don't mean to- I... or maybe I do?- I really don't want to I just... are you guys scared of me?... I don't want you guys to be scared of me" his voice was barely a whisper at this point. It was hard for Roman to make out what he was saying, but... he could. And this crushed him. Patton sounded so... sad. He wanted to wrap Patton up in a hug.

"No... well. No Patton I don't think... we're ' _scared_ ' of you it's more... we're scared of the idea of hurting you. It's just. You're like, the glue that holds us together and if... if any of us hurt you the others go all out war on them because you're just this... you're this untouchable being Patton. No one wants to go against you on anything Pat, and it makes it hard to disagree with you. It's... you always get your way. I guess... I mean. That sounds bad, but-"

"No, I... see what you mean. I think. I'm not sure. Do... you think Roman's scared of me?- Or well this idea of... disappointing me?"

Of course, he's scared of that.

"I... think we're all scared of that," Virgil mutters under his breath and then there was silence.

"I'm scared" Patton lets out softly.

"Me too... I... miss him." Virgil mumbles into his jersey. Roman could tell Virgil was talking through fabric because his voice was really, really hard to make it out. Actually Roman's sure he didn't hear that right.

No way Virgil could 'miss' him, of all people.

"Me too kiddo- I mean Virgil... I... he was just always so... I don't know what I would do if Roman was hurting... and how long? You know? I- I just... I honestly think I'd snap... again. I'd hate to know he's been going through this all alone. Honestly, I've had this... this-"

"Had this bad feeling in your gut? Like for a while now? And it wouldn't go away, but you ignored it because you didn't want to be annoying?"

"Uh... yeah. Actually. That was oddly specific Virge" Patton chuckles darkly. "Sorry... I just... had a feeling too. He... I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I was letting him... feel like shit for so long. Honestly, I couldn't even imagine Ro hurting. I didn't want to imagine it, because it was easier that way you know? But... I should've known easier isn't always... better. I... I'm a coward huh?"

Roman wanted to scream. He didn't want them to feel like this. Ever. And here they were, feeling like garbage! BECAUSE OF HIM!

Goddamn it! He had to fix this. Like right now.

He got up from his spot on the floor and walked toward his mirror and desk. 

He was going to go out there.

Now, he knows full well he said and promised himself he wasn't ever going to leave his room, but this was an emergency. His family was hurting and it was his fault, so he had to stop it... now, how does he do that exactly.

They know somethings up. He can't escape that. So maybe... a little lie? Just to calm their nerves-

"You called?" A sing-song voice piped up, out of nowhere. It made Roman fall to the ground in fright.

"FFFFFFFF- DECEIT! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?" Roman curses as he grips his head that smacked the ground way too hard, it made the migraine he already had, worse somehow.

"How? Why? Jesus Christ, I am not in the mood right now! Why does everything hate me?" Roman yells and gets back to his feet in a fit. He's so done with life's shit right now. He has so much to do and think about. Virgil, Patton, and quite possibly Logan are camping outside right now feeling like shit and he has to think his way out of it and- and Deceit's being oddly quiet...?

...

Silence.

"Deceit?" Roman turns to face Dee, only to see the other's mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide.

"What are you staring... at..." Roman looks down realizing nothing was covered up. Nothing. His injuries were on full show. Everything. Deceit must be disgusted.

Rightly so.

"Oh- oh shit- sorry, I... I didn't notice- I'm sorry." Roman stutters around before waving one of his hands in front of his horrendous body, immediately his attire was back again, his hands and any other piece of skin that was exposed was drenched in foundation.

"That... was fucked." Deceit coughs to himself as Roman stares at the other in fear, his posture extremely awkward.

"Hey... I won't bring it up if you won't" Roman tries to joke his way out of it, but Deceit wasn't having any of it.

"You are not dying on us right now." His voice was so sharp and serious it gave Roman goosebumps.

"Wh- I'm not dying" Roman laughs, knowing full well that he probably was.

"Roman- I do not have time for this. This was supposed to be a planning slot not- Jesus Christ this is bad" And suddenly Deceit was pacing his room. Well, this is exactly what he had planned for today. A bit of hurting his family, a little bit of stressed out Deceit, no Pill- you know? The norm.

"Sooooorry... It's not that bad. Jeez..." Roman mutters out passive aggressively.

"Oh no- pfft. Roman. Honey. You need help. And that's not even me being- well me. This plan isn't going to work if you die first" Deceit sighs and sits on Romans bed, beginning to rub his temples in an annoyed manner.

Roman hates annoying people. Even people like Deceit.

"I'm sorry... please don't be annoyed. I'll fix it." He was talking without thinking again. Goddamnit he really needed to stop doing that

Deceit looks up from the ground and his eyebrows furrow together. He doesn't feel bad for using Roman- nope. Not one bit. This is Romans own fault. Deceit totally doesn't want to help the other at all... except...

He does.

He feels bad.

But if he truly helped Roman what would happen to his plans? Thomas would never see that- that the world's a lie! A- a... but- no! Thomas is more important than some petty problem- but that doesn't change the fact that Roman was probably dying. Ugh. This is why Deceit hates light sides. They're nothing but false promises and idiots.

What to do... what to do.

"Wait... how did you get in here, in the first place?" Roman mutters as Deceit glares at the other, rolling his eyes.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I was just called here. It's just like everyone else- or well. All the dark sides at least. It's just a thing. If Virgil was still one, he could get in here no problem with the amount of anxiety radiating off of you right now- but that's not the point!" Deceit sighs and gets to his feet, walking toward Roman in a curious manner.

"How does it work exactly?" Deceit asks as he grabs one of Romans arms and pulls up the sleeve slowly. Roman winced as he did so and pulled back, but Dee didn't let up.

"Let go... please" Roman whimpers as Dee wipes the heavy foundation off the others arm and stares down at the scars that were dominant on Romans skin.

"I will not. Answer the question and I may think about leaving you alone." Deceit said matter of factly as he stares intensely at the scabs.

"I- It just happened. Criticisms just came out of nowhere and I... believed them to an extent, because they're obviously true. Then it just... happened and they... cut... I guess" Roman says, extremely uncomfortable in the position he was in at that moment.

"Mhm... so it's... belief driven then? Is what I'm getting from this poor explanation." Deceit states sassily as his finger spells out the word 'uncreative' on Romans skin, following the cursive lettering, Roman shuddered.

"I... suppose" Roman shrugs as Deceit continues to investigate. Roman wanted to cry.

"So why did you summon me here?"

"I didn't-"

"Let me reword that. What were you going to lie about, and to who?"

"They... they all know somethings up. And they're hurting... so much- and I need to fix it, but- this is all too much for them I know it- I just want to fix it-"

"Without actually fixing it?" Deceit finishes the other's sentence. Roman nods and looks down at the floor as Deceit puts the others arm down.

"Okay. That I can help you with" Deceit grins, a plan forming in his head.

"R-really?" Romans' head snaps up toward the other. "Of course. What good am I, if I couldn't help you lie your way out of this." Dee chuckles darkly and stands directly in front of the other. Roman lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much-"

"Don't mention it. Really. Don't." Deceit mumbles, raising a finger to Romans mouth. He doesn't want to be thanked, because he knows deep down, he's not helping Roman. Not really. He's making it worse. For his own benefit, but... but Thomas. That was his only reasoning obviously, but it was damn good reasoning in his mind okay?... now.

"But before all of that. Take your shirt off-"

"What?!" Roman interrupts, his face beat red and embarrassed as he wraps his arms around his body in an attempt to defend himself. "Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression or anything, but Jesus Christ-" Deceit rolls his eyes in response.

"Don't flatter yourself Roman. I need to see what I'm working with. Now. Shirt. Off." Deceit demands, Romans face flares up even more at this.

"You really have been deprived of validation, haven't you? Just hanging onto whatever you can at this point, huh?" Deceit sighs and rubs his forehead and then smirks.

"But I mean... I'm not opposed to the idea if you're not-"

"NOPE. I AM VERY OPPOSED TO WHATEVER IDEA YOU ARE MENTIONING RIGHT THIS SECOND, PLEASE AND THANK YOU." Romans' voice was loud and cracking. Is he still going through puberty, you ask? Yes. Yes is the answer to that question in Deceits mind.

"Of course you are. You were always Virgil's bitch anyway- so. Are we just going to stand here and chat or is the shirt coming off?" Deceit mumbles, quickly getting bored of this conversation already.

"First of all. How dare you. I am no one's bitch. Second of all. My shirt is not coming off, thank you very much. Please leave if you are not going to help-"

"One; you are totally Virgils bitch. Two; the shirt coming off will help. So stop being  _annoying_  and take the damn shirt off before I take it off." Deceit says as Roman glances down to the floor, not moving.

"Okay. I guess I'm taking the shirt off." Deceit sighs to himself. Is this what it's come to? Kind of seducing Creativity to get a point across. Like seriously? He never in a million years thought this would be where he would be at this moment in time.

"N-no- okay. Look. Can't you just... look at my arms again? Please."

"No. Because I know the chest is going to be the worst area. How do I know this? The fact that you're distracting me with meaningless teasing and banter to take the attention off of the subject. You act like I can't see right through you Roman." Deceit says lowly before he takes a step closer to Roman, causing the other to fall backward.

"No- okay. So maybe- maybe it is. Can't I just admit that? Please don't make me do this." Romans eyes were filling with tears, and Deceit was about to let it go. He was about to let Roman win, but... the fact that he would cry over it, just peaked Deceits curiosity.

"Roman... if you allow me to see your chest in great detail... I will never ask you to show me any of your scars ever again." Deceit tries to come to a compromise.

Roman looks up from the floor at this.

"Never?"

"Never." Deceit mumbles, annoyed at himself for giving in so easily.

"Now take off the shirt, please. Dear God." Deceit sighs as Roman nods.

"Okay, okay. But just saying again. I'm not Virgil's bitch." Roman mumbles, his cheeks still burning as he shakily unbuttons his prince uniform and throws the shirt to the floor. He just wanted this over and done with.

Deceit moved closer, his eyes transfixed on the massive 'STUPID' that was stitched up on his chest.

"See the fact that you bring it up, even after the conversation had ended, just proves that you are Roman. Now shut up and deal with it. You're Virgil's bitch. Plain and simple." Deceit says under his breath as he runs his hand against the stitched up word causing Romans breath to hitch.

"Sorry," Deceit mumbles and walks in circles around Roman like a vulture about to feast upon its prey.

"Do words of the sides pop up too? I'm noticing different colors and fonts"

"Yeah... sometimes," Roman says quietly. He's very uncomfortable at the moment.

"I'm noticing a lot of purple." Deceit comments snidely.

"And I'm noticing a lot of talking. Just examine and let me put my damn shirt back on" Roman snaps.

Okay... Virgil's a touchy subject.

"No yellow... or am I a different color for some reason?"

"I haven't interacted with you enough... except for just a second ago. Check the back of my left shoulder..."

And so he did. His eyes narrowed immediately at the word 'Annoying' in bright a yellow color the cursive font danced across the skin of the other.

Whoops.

So much for helping.

"Apologies Roman-"

"No, it's fine. I deserved it... I'm always so difficult hahah..."

Deceit furrowed his eyebrows at that.

"That's ridiculous. You do not deserve-" he stopped himself before continuing. He almost sounded like he was going to comfort the other... gross.

"Nevermind." Deceit hisses before continuing to look.

"Who stitches you up? Some of these angles seem impossible for you to do" Deceit mumbles.

"Ages ago I created a body pillow thing to... relieve the stress. Their name is Pill... I had an argument with them before so-"

"I don't need a whole background story. Thanks." Deceit sighs before plopping himself back on Romans messy bed.

"I've seen enough. You can-"

And his shirt was already on. Okay.

"So... can you just help now? What do I do?" Roman asks.

Deceit smirks widely at this.

"I was thinking a little... white lie. Hmm?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IUGLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEBFIUBWISFBCJKSBD KJSBFVJCHSBD KJX first of all. I am so so so so so sorry. This is late- or well i don't have an update schedule really, but I'm back at school as some of you may know- but whatever. Updates are going to be slow I'm sorry- sometimes I have little outbursts like this, but yeah- I. Yup. Anyway. IM CRYING. MY BOI. DECEIT HELP HIM JESUS CHRIST. And sorry if the characters were a little... out of character. It is a fanfic obvi, so I try to stay by the original, but I get off track. Sorry. I still hope you like it? I dunno. Sorry I'm all over the place right now jeez- I'm so sorry for that random Roceit- it was weird, but like funny to me at the time and I just- Roman is a bitch for Virgil okay idc what u say hes totes virgils bitch and everyone knows it- So yeah. If you have any questions leave them in the comments or whatevers and just... i hope you're enjoying this literal sadness. It's eleven and I need to edit this and post it real quick. I have school tomorrow and- SKSKSKS OKAY BYE IM GONNA GO EDIT REAL QUICK SEE YAH, LOVE YAH! Point out any mistakes U POTATOES And yeah. Peace out!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	7. 6 - Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning, kind of. There's a form of eating disorder kind of, but i dont know how to go about it cause hes not real and doesnt need food, but- I DUNNO sorry in advance, hope you enjoy this trashfire of angst ya'll.**

"What type of 'white lie' -as you so creepily put it- would it be?... it... it wouldn't hurt them, right?" Roman's voice was reflecting his feelings about the whole situation. He was suddenly having second thoughts.

"Not if they don't find out, my dear Prince" Dees voice echoes around the room while Roman suffers internally about if this was really the right thing to do. Probably not.

"On one hand, Patton would... probably hate you even more than he already does if he ever found out you lied about something so serious, Logan disapproves of you generally and this is just adding salt to injury, and Virge? Pfft. Well, you've seen how he gets. Even the idea of you being my friend sent him over the edge. Imagine his hurt if he heard you gave in to a  _lie_. Gave in to  _me_." Deceits voice haunts Roman. Oh God, this really is a bad idea-

"But if you play your cards right. Like a good little puppet, and you don't slip up  _at all_ , well... it's all smooth sailing from there. No more worrying, no more hurting- or well... for your 'family' that is. They could all stay in ignorant bliss. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Things would all just go back to normal. All you have to do is listen to me, and do what you do best Roman. You need to act." Deceit finishes up his lecture-like speech, grinning at the fact that Roman's obviously already made up mind.

"Let's do it."

**-**

It's been days.

They'd been rehearsing and rehearsing and rehearsing, preparing Roman for so many different situations. Question after question. It was never-ending, but Roman was sure he knew this story inside out. He knew his character thoroughly, how he acted, how he spoke. He was a professional at playing past Roman, because well... he was that Roman... he was still at least a shadow of that man. He could do this. He couldn't slip up again.

See the only problem he had with this, uhm... (lie) act, was the fact that he had to go back to his old schedule, and he didn't actually know if that was possible. He had to interact with all the sides constantly now, he knew he couldn't mess up, but all this pressure was building and the... attacks. How was he supposed to get around those? Needless to say, he bought up his concerns with Deceit.

"What about... the uhm... the uh... the things...?" He asks as Deceit was perfecting his Prince uniform.

"You'll need to be more specific, darling. There are a lot of 'things' going on with you right now" Dee says, flicking off some non-existent dust from Roman's shoulder.

"The uhm... attack... things. You know... that whole thing?" Roman mutters softly, as he looks at himself through the mirror.

He hates it.

He hates what he sees. This is the old him... the Roman who made stupid snappy comebacks, who annoyed the others to no end. Present Roman wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball in a comfortable shirt and cry his eyes out.  
  
This uniform was his downfall.

"You'll just have to figure that out, now won't you? Obviously, you can't just have an attack in front of the rest of them, but surely there's a pattern. Just find your way around it. I can't do everything for you Roman" Deceit tsks and stares intensely at Roman's face.  
  
Ro was frowning.

"Now that won't do. Smile Roman." Deceit mimics a smile. Roman follows Dees lead and copies this act, a toothy smile replaced the sad and honest truth. Deceit was taken aback at how good Roman was at this. He looked happy... or well... happy enough. It almost made Deceit forget how insecure and sad this man standing in front of him really was. But Deceit could never forget the things had seen... sadly.

"Good. Now, remember to always-"

"Laugh, joke and don't forget to smile" Roman repeats, doing some smiling exercises, his hands shaking as Deceit grabbed them and squeezed.

"And no fidgeting." Deceit says sharply, glaring down at Roman's still shaking hands.

"Right. No fidgeting, or shaking, or... uhm"

"Or crying. Definitely no crying. About anything. Not even a movie. I know that's what you usually did before this whole ideal, but I fear crying will trigger you. So no crying at all-"

"No crying. I... I've got it" Roman coughs awkwardly.

_'Oh God, I just interrupted him, I'm such an idiot. Why would he help me?-'_

"And none of that." Deceit sighs and grabs Roman's cheeks in his hands.

"None of what?" Roman asks, confusion laced in his tone as he awkwardly removes Deceits hands from his face.

"No self-deprecation. Or well... just try to limit it okay? It will mess everything up. I don't need you dying please and thank you" Deceit begins droning on and on

"Sure..." Roman  _mumbles_  as Deceit rolls his eyes and smirks slightly to himself an idea forming in his head.

"Roman, you know how I feel about the mumbling." Romans' head snapped up at that.

"Did you just- like from Tangled? ARE YOU TRULY MOTHER GOTHEL DISGUISED AS A SIDE?!" Roman exclaims as Deceit rolls his eyes playfully. Truth be told Dee did sneak in that Disney reference... to lighten the mood, just a little. All this hate is really giving him a headache.

"Yes Roman, I'm  _so_   _obviously_ secretly an evil woman who kidnapped a child and stabbed Eugene. I didn't really die at the end of that movie, I just slunk away into Thomas' brain." Deceit sighs and begins obsessing about the smallest of details on Romans Prince uniform.

"I- can't tell if you're being serious or sarcastic... and I'm utterly terrified." Roman shivers.

"I'll leave that up to you to decide" Dee snickers as Roman stares intensely at Deceits cheeky features.

"I have decided you  _are_  Mother Gothel," Roman says as Deceit does one last sweep of Romans shoulder.

"Okay, sure. Anyway. Are you ready?" Dee smirks in the mirror as Roman stares down at the floor.

"As ready as I'll ever be-"

"Please dear god, no more Tangled references, the cartoon, movie or otherwise." Dee sighs and rubs his temples in a show of frustration.

"That wasn't on purpose! I swear!-"

"Doesn't matter. Now. Remember to make eye contact" Dee mentions and brings Romans gaze from the floor to the mirror.

"And smile."

And with that, Deceit had disappeared from the room leaving Roman alone and staring dully into his own eyes in the mirror.

"Idiot," Roman mumbles to himself in a monotoned voice as he stares intensely at his reflection. "Okay. Let's do this." Roman replaces his scolding frown with a bright and happy smile.

Roman walked slowly across the room and toward his desk. He picks up a few folders that contained his  _stupid_  ideas and held them close to his chest. He eventually made it to the door (after fifteen minutes of contemplating all of the life choices that lead him to this moment) and reached out his free hand, but it began shaking as it rested on the golden doorknob.

" _Stop it_ " Roman scolded himself and tried to will his hand to stay still.

Finally, he gained enough courage to turn the doorknob and-

And Virgil was sprawled out right in front of him on the floor.

"Well hello, there sunshine-"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"WHAT- WHO" Virgil's screech suddenly woke Patton up immediately, along with Logan of course, who could still be asleep after that?

"Ouch" Roman covers his ears in an attempt to shut out that horrid noise that just came from Virge who was currently staring bug-eyed up at Roman from his place on the ground.

"ROMAN! OH MY- DON'T YOU FUCKIN' MOVE I SWEAR TO GOD-" Patton jumps to his feet quickly and begins charging at Roman, he didn't even have time to register the fact that Patton just cursed.

"Wait- oh my god Patton please no!-" And now Roman was on the floor with a very emotional Patton hugging the life out of him. Okay. This was not going according to plan. He didn't expect Patton to be the cause of his death.

"Roman!" Logan was suddenly wrapping his arms around him too- what the fuck was going on right now? Roman is terrified.

Virgil slunk over from his spot on the floor and joined the cuddle pile, coming up from behind Roman, and wrapping his arms around Ro's waist.

"You idiot!" Virge exclaimed, tightening his grip on Roman.

"I- am confused."

"Hi confused I'm Dad. And as your father, I have deemed you grounded- and by grounded I mean you aren't allowed back in your room for a week!"

"Now Patton. Don't you think you're being a little bit... too nice about that? A month for good measure." Logan shakes his head in disagreement with Patton.

"Uhm- or he could just never go back in there ever again" Virgil raised his voice and bought Roman closer to him.

"Agreed!" Logan nods happily along with Patton and Virgil.

"N-now, now. Let's be reasonable here-"

"Reason was thrown out of the figurative window the moment you locked yourself away. No room ever again." Logan sighs as he rests his head on Romans shoulder.

"Okay but-"

"No butts Ro! Butts are for pooping!" Patton exclaims loudly.

"But-"

"What did he just say? No buts, ands or ifs. Right now we are cuddling. And cuddle you shall. Now zip it!" Virgil huffs and squeezes Ro.

"O-okay" Roman stutters and just allows the others to kill him slowly with their tight grips.

In the span of a couple of hours, the sides had finally begun talking again. They didn't release their hold on Ro, but they loosened their grip a tad. At least now Roman could breathe. All that squishing was reopening some old wounds, but he did his best to ignore the excruciating pain.

"You have a lot of explaining to do young man." Patton states.

"We're the same age-"

"Shush!" Patton hushes the other, resting a finger on Romans lips.

"But you just told me to explain-"

"He said shush!" Virgil chuckles and buries his head into Romans' shoulder.

"I- okay" Roman coughs awkwardly as Patton wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Okay, okay, okay. Let's move this to the lounge. I'm getting sick of the hallway" Patton says, Virgil and Logan nodding simultaneously.

"Wait... how long were you guys out here!?" Roman pretended to be surprised by the fact that they were camping outside his room.

"Pfft... who knows? An amount of time. It doesn't matter" Virgil shrugs from behind Ro. Now Roman was truly worried about how long they were out here. He knew they were there, he just didn't know how long.

"A couple of days, a week at most" Logan responds as Patton helps Lo to his feet.

"A WEEK!?" Roman screeched from the floor.

"At the most," Logan nods in agreement.

"Holy shit-"

"Language," Patton mutters.

"Hypocrite" Virgil scoffs just loud enough for Roman to hear.

"What? Patton swore? When, how, and why-"

"I did not!"

"He did. Multiple times. Mostly while you were away doing whatever you were doing in your headspace, he literally just yelled 'fuckin' several hours ago once you came out of your room- what exactly are those in your arms?" Logan cuts himself off and stares down at the folders Roman had in his arms.

"Oh... the uhm... ideas... from ages ago- I'm sorry they're so late, I had to restart and-"

"Refrain from apologizing Roman, I didn't even expect any new content. I was afraid you were doing something else in your room that whole time." 

"What did you think I was doing? Dying?" Roman lets out a fake, but realistic loud laugh. Oh, how funny... he really was dying in his room that whole time...  _probably_ , but the others didn't need to know that.

"Maybe..." Patton mumbles to himself as Roman raises an eyebrow in his direction.

"Fear not Padre. I was merely having a creative outburst!... that seemed to last a whole week... apologies. I didn't notice how time flew by. You know how I can get sometimes, right Pat?" Roman questions the unsure looking trait.

"I... uh... guess?" Patton coughs awkwardly at Romans bright smile.

"You guess?- no. Nope. No way. You can not be buying this. I call bullshit!" Virgil pipes up from behind Roman.

"There is no way, you were in such a creative headspace that you didn't hear what we said outside the door- we talked to you every day. There's no way you didn't hear that- you couldn't have just been getting ideas out. For a whole week nonetheless! It's just- no! No way!" Virgil goes off in a mini-rant, not releasing Roman from his grip.

As Deceit predicted. Virgil was onto him, time for the big guns.

"Come now, Virgil. Are you sure it isn't just your anxiety spiking up? I'm sorry I wasn't present for a week, but come on. What else could it be Virge?" Ro asks and takes a glance backward toward Virgil who was looking at him in a confused manner.

"Well- I don't know... you were supposed to tell us that-"

"Virgil. Honestly, look at me." Roman shifts to face Virgil front on with a bright smile.

"I'm fine. Remember when you thought Logan died a month ago and it turned out he was just helping Thomas out? You can be a little all over the place Virge"

Roman hated this part.

Blaming Virgil's own anxiety made Romans skin crawl.

He tried to talk Deceit out of it, but he wouldn't cave. He feels like old Roman, which yes was who he was playing right now, but he didn't want to make Virgil feel bad for being who he was- needless to say Roman hated this... but it had to be done if he didn't want to burden them further.

"Well- yeah but there's no way-"

"And you thought Patton was going to die if he cooked that one time? Virge, it's just your anxiety." Roman cuts him off again. Ro wants to throw up.

"I know you can't control it, but come now, Virge. You  _were_  getting better at controlling it. Let's not fall down that same deep hole again hmm?" Roman hums and gets to his feet resisting the urge to apologize to Virge and hug him.

"Anyway. I am starved. Do we have anything in the cupboards?" Roman asks, he wasn't really hungry or deserving of food, but he needed an out. And this was his out. Patton couldn't resist his plead for food. Ro wraps his arms around Patton's shoulders and begins dragging him along downstairs, leaving Virgil on the floor. He looked so sad... god fucking dammit. Roman deserves to perish.

"I- yes! Oh my god- yes Roman! I'm going to cook you up a storm, don't you worry" Patton's face brightens up as they descend the stairs, leaving Logan and Virgil to watch them carefully.

Logan looks down at Virgil, his facial features softening at Virgil's hurt and confused eyes and body posture.

"Virgil, you know how Roman can be, surely he doesn't understand what he just said and how that could impact you-"

"It's fine! Whatever. I don't care. Just... leave me alone for a second" Virgil interrupts the other as Logan sighs to himself.

"As you wish. But if you are not downstairs within ten minutes I am sending Patton to search for you." Logan assures himself as he begins to walk toward the stairs leaving Virgil to his own thoughts.

Was it just him? Was all this panic a result of Virgil being too anxious to make a clear judgment? Was this all his fault? Roman seemed fine, but- but what? It was Virgil's own fault, wasn't it? He panicked all the others and caused this whole mess. First, he yelled at Roman and now- now he just wasted everyone's time. Dear god he's really messing up lately isn't he?... but he just... he has this feeling in his gut that he can't shake. It's really messing him up. His anxiety was usually bad, but never this bad. What happened that sent him so over the edge like this? God everything was his fault. Roman's fine for god sake! He said it himself- but then again Virgil says he's fine a lot when he's really not fine- but Roman isn't Virgil! God damn it. Get your shit together Virgil!

Virgil eventually got to his feet, he stumbled around for a hot minute before shaking his head, in an attempt to clear it.

Roman's fine.

Don't let your anxiety mess up what you have.

Virgil began descending down the stairs quietly and made his way into the kitchen where Logan, Patton,  _and_ Roman were chatting happily to each other.

"These ideas are exceptional Roman. I am particularly intrigued by the courtroom scenario." Logan smiles down at the paper he had in his hands.

"I knew you'd like that one, nerd. I thought it was pretty phenomenal myself" 'not'Roman contradicts himself in his mind. Romans honestly surprised Logan liked it at all.

Roman finally noticed the gloomy looking trait that was standing in the doorway and he smiled widely.

"Virgil! So nice of you to finally join us. Padre is making a roast. Sounds pretty flippin' delicious right?" Ro asks as Virgil quietly makes his way to the chair beside Roman. Virgil was confused at the lack of nicknames but shrugged it off.

"Yup. Sounds so  _'flippin' delicious'_  alright" Virgil snickers as Roman smiles at him.

"You judging my phrasing Mr. Sunshine and rainbows?"

"Maybe" Virge shrugs and smiles slightly before letting his smile fall as he turns away from Roman, falling deep into the hole that was his own mind once again.

"Well. Let me tell you, Ro, I have been looking forward to cooking for you again! You're the only one that seems to enjoy it after all."

"Falsehood, I greatly appreciate the food, Patton." Logan immediately contradicts his partner.

"I love your food too Pat" Virgil comments quietly as he stares up at the ceiling.

"That not what I meant- I mean Roman just- he... does this thing with his face when he eats and it's just- I missed you a lot Ro" Patton gives up on trying to explain himself as Roman grins.

"Missed you too Pat. Sorry I was out for a week, again. I really need to work on how much time I take to do things, huh?" Roman chuckles to himself. Geez, he never realized how much energy is needed to be so happy all the time. This amount of smiling is really starting to hurt his face, and he feels so guilty. Virgil has this look on his face, the look he has when he's thinking deeply about something, and Roman knows without a shadow of a doubt that he caused that look to be there on Virge's face.  
  
In the short amount of time, he's been out, there has already been an uncountable amount of words that have made their way on his skin. He can't keep up with them anymore, he's just doing his best not to snap. Why did he think he could do this? All this pain and lying is getting too much already- dear god someone help him. Not that he'd let anyone help him, but still!

"Roman?" Logan's voice was suddenly interrupting his train of thought.

"Sorry, what was that?" Roman asks, thankful that Virgil was too deep in thought to notice his spacing out.

That's not to say Patton didn't notice, but Roman didn't know that and Patton wasn't about to bring it up and dampen their good mood right now.

"I said we will most likely be going with your courtroom suggestion. I find it quite appropriate and interesting."

"You sure you don't have a bias there babe? You've always got your nose in those courtroom books and tv shows. It's adorable really" Patton chuckles and kisses Logan's forehead before getting back to cooking leaving Logan flustered, confused, and a little offended.

"I- I am not biased! I just think the audience would find great amusement in this certain idea-"

"Sure specs, whatever you say" Roman rolls his eyes playfully. It's physically killing him to act like this, he swears.

Though Roman is... a teeny, weeny bit proud that his idea did please the other side so much. Truth be told he did want to feed into Logan's courtroom obsession just a little. It was just easier... and lazier. God, he needed to get better at his job.

"It's true!" Logan argues as both Patton and Ro sigh to themselves, shaking their heads slightly in amusement.

**-**

Dinner was ready and Roman was dreading it. He knew everyone (especially Patton) was expecting him to eat. He knew this was coming, but he kept procrastinating and procrastinating the thought about it. He couldn't eat it. He didn't deserve to eat. Especially Pattons food. Goddamn it. He might actually puke out of disgust if he eats  _anything_ , not because the food would be disgusting! Patton's food is literally heaven on earth. It's the fact that he's had this thought planted in his mind that if he ate the food Patton made then he's taking someone else's love away. It's a stupid and irrational thought, but it's Romans thought. He wasn't the most logical, and Virgil or Logan, or even Deceit deserved this food more than him!

So as the food was being passed around the table Roman froze at the sight of the full plate in front of him. He couldn't do this- why hadn't he thought ahead of time for  _this_. He and Deceit had come up with every possible scenario, except _this one_ because he didn't bring it up!

_'Ugh, You're such an idiot Roman-'_

"Roman?" A voice knocked him out of his little rant.

"Uhm... sorry what?" Roman coughs awkwardly and looks away from the food before making eye contact with Logan who was the source of the previous voice.

"Are you going to start eating?" Logan repeats himself. Roman hates when he makes any of the others repeat themselves, he must be so annoying.

"Uh-uhm-" then he made eye contact with Deceit who was standing in the doorway observing from the sidelines, hidden from the others, but visible to specifically Roman. Deceit saw the look in Romans eyes and physically facepalmed. 'It just couldn't be that easy, could it?' Deceit sighs before deciding to make an appearance, causing Virgil to quite literally hiss and stand up on his chair. Deceit rolled his eyes before speaking.

"I don't know if you... ' _people'_  knew, but roughly two hours ago Thomas was made aware of something... relatively important. Care to share with those of us who were away?" Deceit strolls on in and takes a seat next to Roman who was visibly sweating and who had no clue what was going on...

Trying to ignore the now tense atmosphere and the seemingly clueless sides before him, Deceit just sighed and rubbed his temples in an attempt to destress himself. "Honestly sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who actually cares about Thomas... ANYWAY. If you morons are too clueless to actually pay attention to the going on's of your host then I'll just have to catch you up. And by  _'catch you up'_  I mean, you'll have to wait and figure out what's happening by the time the video starts." Dee explains as the others look at him in confusion.  
  
"Video?... what video?" Patton asks softly, as Virgil is still glaring daggers at Deceit from his stance on top of the chair. Sometimes Roman wonders if Virgil is part cat, but then he remembers that that's a stupid thought and obviously he isn't a cat, because he's a fucking side and Roman should stop having stupid thoughts all of the fucking time, and maybe actually get his work done at some point in his pointless existence-  
  
Deceit facepalms mentally at the amount of stupidity displayed before him, but before he could explain Logan piped up.  
  
"Oh yes. The video! I almost completely forgot!" Logan sighs to himself as the rest of the traits (excluding Deceit of course) raises an eyebrow in his direction, prompting him to explain his first initial statement, but he didn't get the chance to continue his train of thought before Dee interrupted.  
  
"Yes well, congratulations one of you kind of knows what's going on. Now. If you'd excuse me." Deceit turns to face Roman and makes physical contact with his shoulder. Suddenly Roman was in the hallway beside his bedroom door. How does Deceit keep doing the things he does?  
  
"Look, Roman. We don't have enough time, honestly, I would've thought you'd get your act together much more quickly, but I'll make do. Thomas is setting up the video as we speak so listen to me now, and listen good. This is what we've been preparing for. This video is my opportunity to get through to Thomas and just- just nod and agree with me okay. Whatever happens I need you on my side so I can prove my point to him... Thomas got a callback for that Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie, by the way," The first thought Roman had was, 'Oh god why that of all things?' That was one of his worst auditions ever, how in the fuck did they want him back? Roman was terrible!  
  
"The videos probably going to be Patton versus me or something along those lines because Mary Lee and Lee's wedding is on the same day or some shit like that, and Virgil will side with whoever is against me so- regardless! Try to act surprised, okay? Remember to be silly and extra, and just- play your part. The other sides will basically just be thrown into this whole thing, so that's your advantage here. Though Logan might be a problem... I'll just impersonate him before he knows the video is starting and add him in later or something!- ughh. It'll be obvious I'm Logan so just state it quickly so we can move on, and don't act like we associate with each other, I don't need the audience and the rest of the sides getting suspicious, okay? Okay. Don't mess this up, Roman. Now go!" And suddenly with that information overload, Roman was basically thrown up into Thomas' living room as he expressed something along the lines of 'Guess who just got a callback for an Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie?', and Roman suddenly sprung into character.  
  
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iauvHYa21G8&t=808s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iauvHYa21G8&t=808s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **OoF sorry this is late as fuck, but i realized thomas and everyone has a new video coming out soon so- yeah. IM SORRY If IT waSnt smooth, i was trying to get the newest video in the story and i dunno if i did it well, but HERE HAVE IT! i dunno whats happening, but i wanted angst andddd hence this chapter. i hope it makes sense or smthg, im sorry i haven't updated in a while school and work and shit i dunnnNNO IM SORRY BUT I LOVE YOU ALL AND HERE! im rlly excited for the next video and i needa make sure to specify that this whole fanfic is before/during Selfishness v. Selfessness sO YUP! Hope you enjoyed, sorry if it seemed rushed, but yeet.**
> 
> **Also small explanation about the Logan thing. Logan didn't know how soon the video was going to be so he went and read some shit about law waiting until he was called upon hence him being confused. Then later when he comes in and says 'You guys are going a courtroom scenario... without me..? Unacceptable!' he's basically salty that he wasn't made aware beforehand how soon they were actually going to use the courtroom idea so he was court (see what I did there? instead of 'caught' it's 'court'... heheh) off guard.**
> 
> **ALSO when Patton asks deceit ‘why the court setting’ hinting that it was Deceits idea to bring in the courtroom or smthg, and im just gonna say that deceit was the one who chose to use the idea at the time, he wouldn’t have come up with it without roman so yeet, he just took the idea and put it into motion or something.**
> 
> **also if there's something that doesn't make sense, PLEASE TELL ME U COWARDS! I WILL DO MY BEST TO FIX IT U, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	8. 7 - Suspicions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning here - so spoilers, but Ro will have another attack and so blood and disturbing stuff, there's also self-harm included. Legit self-harm. Not the words, it's Roman making a conscious decision to hurt himself physically, so please please please be careful. Uhm also kinda sympathetic deceit, and a fight. Pat will get mad-ish as well as Virge and Lo and also at the end of this chapter there's a little art thing i made, beware it's shitty artwork and there's disturbing imagery (blood and crying). PLEASE BE CAREFUL YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU ALL <3.**

Roman's dying.

Literally, not figuratively... so take that Logan. Hah...

After he had sunk out of... that disaster of a video, he made sure to rise up in the common room lounge area and not straight into his room (like he normally would). Roman had to keep up this act, even if at this point the pain was indescribable.

He was sure blood was leaking out of the layer of plaster somewhere on his body and he couldn't find where, but there was definitely blood all over the place inside of his prince uniform. He could feel it. Luckily for Ro, he had planned for almost every situation and made his pristine white uniform waterproof, therefore blood proof. He learned the hard way that blood too easily stains normal materials... but that didn't lessen the risk at all. It could still easily drip through the bottoms of his pants and flood out through his boots, or it could even slip out his sleeves.

Regardless he had to be cautious and get his ass back into his room as fast as possible and have Pill redo his bandages... oh fuck! That's right! Pill!... he's really going to need to come up with a great apology to get them to forgive him... if they even wanted to see him again -which Roman doesn't see probable- they wouldn't listen to him. Rightly so. They hate him and he knows it...

Roman really had to get out of here before something stupid happens. But then again, the sides would probably camp outside of his room, and he would've accomplished nothing, so... he doesn't know what to do...  _and_  Deceit... oH sHIT!  _AND_  DECEIT! ROMAN TOTALLY DOUBLE CROSSED HIM! Ro's totally and utterly screwed at this point. He did what he thought was better for Thomas! Thomas is the most important thing to Roman and- Jesus Christ he really needs to sit down before he passes out.

And so Roman took a seat onto the couch that was nearest to him or well... 'taking a seat' is being a bit generous, he fell. He fell face first in the couch cushions before pushing himself upright. His thoughts were running wild at this point while waiting for the others to sink up and probably go all defensive parent on his ass. Goddamnit, why can't he do the simplest of tasks?

"What was  _that_?!" A sharp voice popped out of nowhere, causing Roman to jump up in fright, wincing slightly at the pain that small movement caused. Roman could swear he literally saw a poof of smoke appear right before an angry looking snake man 'graced' him with his presence.

"Uh-hm... a video?" Roman tries to kid his way out of this, but he knows it's no use, Dee's face was bright red with anger there was no way out of this.  
  
Roman deserved it all.

"A-... a fucking video?! Oh, it was a video alright! Do you know how ridiculous I looked out there?! How fucking embarrassing that was- oh-ho-ho don't even get me started on your little half-assed speech! 'But Thomas wouldn't dream of attaining his hopes through deceitful means' my ass! I was literally arguing that whole time against that point! AND WON! Jesus Christ!" Deceit began pacing back and forth, rubbing his temples and muttering to himself in a fit of distress.

More words carved their way into Ro, eating away at his skin.  
  
 _Idiot._

"What happened to doing everything I told you?! We practiced for  _days_!  _DAYS_  ROMAN! We wasted  _DAYS_ , and you threw it all away! For what!? Some petty pity from the other sides!? Your 'acting' -if you could even call it that- was terrible!"  
  
 _Bad actor._

_Useless._

"I hope it was worth it. Because the moment they rise up in here, you better bet I'm telling them the truth-"

"NO!- No! Wait. Look, I'm sorry. Come on! I tried-"

"And failed." Deceit interrupted angrily.

There was a silence that settled between the two as they glared at one another before Dee's facial features softened a tad as he looked to the side, breaking eye contact.

"Roman. I'm going, to be honest -for once in my life-... I was going to tell them regardless of if you actually did well or not. It was inevitable."

Then Roman snapped and suddenly his anger overwhelmed him.

This lying motherfucker-

He was about to ruin everything! The sides- the sides didn't need all this! He didn't have the right to weigh them down with Roman's problems! He had no right to tell them Ro's personal shit!

"You bastard!" And then Roman was standing, persevering through the pain as he charged at Deceit, who wasn't expecting any movement at the time and as a result, he ended up tackled to the ground.

"What the-! Get the fuck off me you psycho! It's for your own good!" Deceit was struggling against the other but eventually got the upper hand flipped their positions.

"Do you know nothing of honor?! You coward!" Roman spit up at Dee's face. He was just screaming at this point. He had no idea what he was saying, but it felt good to scream out loud at someone for once.

"Roma- Roman! Calm the fuck down!- you're bleeding!"

"I don't care! Let me go!"

"Fuck no! You're the one who tackled me!"

"Get off of me!-"

And then Deceit was off of him. Actually, he flew toward a wall and hit it with a loud  _crack_. Logan was standing above the two traits with an angry, but confused expression on his face. His fist was red from the contact with Deceits face.

"What the- holy shit!" Virgil suddenly rose up, anger clear on his face as he ran over toward Roman who was currently bleeding out in the middle of the commons living room like a moron.

Roman thought fast and acted even quicker.

"He... h-he just attacked me!" Ro yelled figuring out the logistics of his plan as it formed in his head relatively quickly.

"You lying bastard-" Deceit began muttering rubbing his now pained cheek.

_'Now whose bad at acting?'_  Ro thought smugly to himself.

"What the  _fuck_  is going on here?!" Patton was suddenly in the picture rushing to Romans side. The moment he saw blood Roman could swear he  _saw_  the anger behind Patton's gaze toward Deceit.

"He just attacked me, and started shouting random things!- fuck this hurts" Roman winces. It really did hurt, but it was weird acknowledging that fact in front of everyone.

"It's true. I just rose up and Deceit was on top of Roman yelling at him." Logan backed up Roman's lie. Holy shit he might actually get away with this.

"YOU FUCK!" Virgil screams but doesn't make a move away from Romans side, worried that Ro might die if Virgil wasn't there to protect him.

"What?!- No! You can not be serious! Do you seriously believe him?! I didn't attack anyone!-"

"You better leave. Right now." Patton's voice was dark and full of emotion.

"No, okay- wait a second. Hear me out okay? There's something seriously wrong with him-"

"Leave!" Patton was getting to his feet. If Deceit didn't leave right this second Patton was going to do something he would regret later.

"Just listen for once-"

"I SAID, GET THE  _FUCK_  OUT!" Patton screams his voice cracks at the same time. He was scared for Roman and utterly disgusted and mad at the lying trait before him.

Deceits face fell at this, his expression became dark and irritated.

"Fine. You want me to leave? I will. You can't say I didn't try to warn all you oblivious assholes. And you." Deceit pointed down at Roman who was still bleeding out on the floor.

"If you want to die so bad, then do it. No one's stopping you apparently." Logan winced at his words, obviously taking note of it.

And with that. He was gone.

It was silent for a while until Patton shuffled over to where Roman was, wiping tears from his face. He winced as Virgil lays Ro's head in his lap. Virge tries to breathe evenly, but it was actively getting harder as Roman's hands began to shake and Ros own breathing wasn't really setting a prime example for Virgil.

"What the fuck did he even do- are you okay? Oh my god, are you going to die- no please-"

"Virge calm down... it'll... it'll be fine... probably" Roman takes a deep breath through his nose and out his mouth (a technique he learned from Virgil himself).

He felt bad lying to all them of course, but he felt better knowing that he got away with it. His mind was so warped at this point that it seemed like it was the only option for him, and the fact that he'd spent too much time with Deceit was also a factor in how he was feeling.

_'How is he being so calm right now?!'_  Was Virgil's first initial thought to Romans comforting- speaking of which. Why the fuck is Roman comforting Virgil right now?! He's not the one  _literally_  bleeding out on the floor!

"You just need to get me i-into my room. I'll heal faster in there. Promis-e" Roman takes a deep breath as Virgil shakes his head in disagreement.

"N-no way are you going back in there! It's been less than twenty-four hours since you got out and... and I- just show us where he hurt you instead-" Virgil began reaching for Roman's Prince uniform-

"NO!" Ro screams leaving the other sides speechless and Virgil shaking. Oh god, what did he do now? He only made things worse! God fucking dammit Virgil! Get your shit together!

Roman's facial features soften once Virgil stares at him with pleading eyes and once Virge's arm wasn't anywhere near revealing Romans (probably bloodsoaked) underlayer.

"I-I mean... sorry. It just hurts a lot. Please just- just take me to my room" Roman mutters and lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Virgil looks up to Patton and Logan who also seemed torn by the idea of Roman going back into his room. On one hand Roman was at risk of dying alone regardless of his rooms magic abilities, and he may never come out of there again, but on the other hand leaving Roman to soak in the magic of his own room could do wonders for his wound and it may help him more painlessly than the other sides could ever do... so... it was their only option, unless they wanted Roman to die right then and there (which Roman didn't mind one bit, and he completely understood).

Virgil sighed to himself before hesitantly and carefully picking Roman up from the floor bridal style.

"Is this okay? Does it hurt? Tell me if it hurts" Virgil panics during his standing stance with Roman in his arms. The very same Roman who was currently blushing like crazy and trying not to lose consciousness.

Now to answer Virgils several questions, yes this makes it hurt way more than it would if Roman was standing by himself because he swears he can feel Virgil's fingers digging into the exact spot where he was bleeding out of, but that didn't mean he was going to alert the other to this. He didn't need Virgil feeling bad for trying to help, that would just be cruel. He'd rather be in pain then see Virgil's pained expression from knowing he was causing more bad than good... besides... Roman likes being carried by Virgil. It makes him feel safer and... warmer.

"Y-yea- I mean no! It- uh... doesn't hurt at all! That's uhm- hmmm... fine! Thanks, Virge" Roman mutters out rather quickly trying to ignore the burning sensation he feels.

"Are you sure I don't want to hurt you-"

"Y-up! I said it's fine, so it's fine. P-please let's j-ust get to my room"

Virgil sighs and nods before walking  _painfully_  slow toward the stairs, eyeing them suspiciously, before looking down at Romans pained expression and persevering through the slight discomfort he felt at that moment. Patton and Logan followed closely behind the two, making sure Virgil didn't fall backward, due to Romans weight. They didn't want Roman to hurt more than he already did.

They had eventually reached Romans bedroom door and Virgil stood there awkward glancing down at Roman who was clinging onto him for dare life.

"Hey, Ro... I know this is... uhm... uncomfortable, but can you invite us in?" Virgil asks and Romans eyes snap open at that.

Virgil knew it was a big thing to ask, but he wasn't going to let Roman stumble around his room by himself.

"Please, kiddo?" Patton asks.

"Yes. It would be for the best." Logan adds.

But the three of them knew there was no way Roman would let them in, they were holding onto false hope and they knew it.

"N-no? S-sorry I just-... uhm. It's just really messy and uh-"

"Roman, we can deal with a messy room. What we can not deal with is the possibility of you bleeding out on the floor of said room." Logan cuts the other off disregarding Romans attempt to keep them out.

Roman wasn't lying. It was a  _mess_  in there, and not the type of mess his fellow sides were expecting. His definition of 'mess' was stitching equipment, bandages, and first aid supplies scattered all around his room, it was of the blood that stained his carpeted floors. They couldn't see that. No matter what.

Roman was silent for a while. He didn't know what to do. They weren't going to allow him to enter his room alone and he wasn't going to let them in his room willingly.

A couple more minutes passed before Patton sighed, obviously agitated and worried.

"Roman if you aren't going to willing let us in then... we're going to have to involve Thomas-"

"No!- no... okay. Jesus... just. Just give me a second... to think." Roman sighs in a defeat, rubbing his temples in a frustrated manner.

He was running out of ideas!- or was he?

"Can I just... let me clean a couple of things up... please? It's really embarrassing. Just... five minutes tops, then you can get Thomas.  _Please_ " He looks up into Virgil's doubtful eyes, hoping they would let him in there alone for five minutes.

"I don't think cleaning would help you recover Roman, you are in obvious pain and-"

"Logan- Logan! Stop talking for a second. Please just- give me five minutes. That's all I ask."

"I don't know kiddo..." Patton looks off to the side to avoid eye contact with Ro.

"Three minutes. Maximum. No ifs ands or buts." Virgil decides leaving Patton and Logan visibly shocked by his statement.

"N-now, now Virgil are you sure-"

"I'm sure Patton."

"But Virgil, surely-"

"Lo. I know. Trust me, I of all people knows that- this sucks, but he's obviously not going to give in and I  _really_  don't want to tell Thomas right now. He's already battling with himself enough at this point, I mean that video we just filmed must be  _crushing_  him. Three minutes. Now go. Your time is starting now." Virgil says setting Roman down carefully and helping him to his feet. Roman smiles widely at this and shakily reaches for his doorknob as the sides walk down the hallway a tad to give him his privacy.

Roman runs around his room cleaning half physically and the other half with the little magic he has left in him. He clicks his fingers and his carpeted floor is back to its pristine white colour in contrast to the bloody crimson colour it was. The photographs and pictures on his deep red walls were adjusted and fixed up while he threw away all his used bandages, as well as shoving several first aid kits under his bed. He has two minutes left to fix the rest of it. Then he saw a familiar body pillow displayed messily on the floor... Pill.

Roman sighed sadly but continued cleaning trying his best to ignore the throbbing pain in specifically his lower abdomen, as well as the pillow that he just moved into his mess of a closet (making sure to not touch it with his bare hands, otherwise he'd have a very angry Pill on his ass and he didn't have time to apologize right now). He wasn't going to clean his bed, because one he didn't have enough time, and two; he could just say he laid down for a majority of his time hence the blood.

While Roman was doing all that, the sides were standing in silence, Logan glancing down at his watch every three seconds awaiting the time to hit exactly three minutes. Patton was watching the time along with Logan while Virgil stared blankly into the abyss.

"There's something  _wrong_ ," Virgil says.

"No kidding..." Patton muttered to himself before realizing he said that out loud.

"S-sorry that was rude... I'm just stressing out" Patton's face turns red out of embarrassment.

"It's fine Patton, but that's not what I meant. I mean there's something  _wrong, wrong_ " Virgil says Logan nods his head in semi-agreement.

"I too thought something was off," Logan says, Patton nodding his head in understanding.

"Yeah... I'm still confused about the fact that Roman seems  _physically_  hurt. Sides don't bleed to the best of my knowledge or get bruised... or any of the sort! I mean I would've died years ago if that was the case. Do you know how many times I've clumsily cut a finger or burnt myself in the kitchen? I just... how did Deceit manage to hurt Ro so bad?" Patton questions, obviously distressed and worried.

"Well, it's not that we can't get hurt. We most definitely can, even by other sides, but that's only if you allow them to have a strong effect on you. Sides can hurt you if you feel a very strong emotion toward them, whether that is a good or bad emotion, it doesn't matter. It may be hate or love, excitement or fear. If you care enough to have emotions for a side you are vulnerable to hurt caused by said side." Logan adds on and helps Patton understand the situation better.

"Yeah, yeah I get that, but Roman doesn't even really care about Deceit's whole existence. He actually interacts with him and has a good old conversation with him... unfortunately. Deceit does  _not_  scare Roman, and Roman definitely doesn't seem happy to see Dee either. Not enough to harm him at least. Neither have ever expressed any ' _strong'_ emotion toward one another... besides why the fuck would Deceit even want to hurt Ro? I don't get it, what would he get out of it? He's always had an ulterior motive... but this? This just doesn't... make sense. Does he want Patton to murder him?" Virgil sighs to himself, trying his best to make sense of it all, but coming up short every time.

"That reminds me... something else I would like to bring up. What Deceit said earlier-"

"Oh my god- who gives a shit about  _him_! This is about Roman-"

"Yes that is true, but I think it is vital information. The fact that he said-"

"I know what he said, Logan. We all heard it, but it doesn't matter! He's just trying to get in our heads the fucking snake, he's always trying to-"

"Virgil! Let me finish. It would be appreciated. I know it's hard to hear, but it's worth bringing into consideration."

"... whatever." Virgil sighs grumpily, glancing down at Logans watch. One minute left.

"Thank you. Now. The phrase 'If you want to die so bad, then do it. No one's stopping you apparently.' has quite a lot to unpack. It hints to the fact that Roman wants to die. Now, I see this as improbable,  _but_  there may be pieces of the truth scattered throughout that sentence. As we all know Roman and Deceit talk from time to time-"

"Unfortunately" Virgil sighs to himself.

"Thank you for that input Virgil" Logan facepalms, but regardless continues his explanation.

"We also know Roman is injured, physically and quite thoroughly... obviously. I also witnessed the 'fight' -if we can even call it that- between Roman and Deceit, and admittedly... I acted before thinking which I terribly regret at this point-"

"You shouldn't regret it, Lo. You did the right thing! He was hurting Roman-"

"But was he though?"

Silence.

"Hear me out... and I know this isn't something you both don't want to hear, but... there may be a possibility that Roman caused his own injury-"

Patton's eyes widened at this and Virgils head snapped up in attention to such a suggestion. Logan wouldn't admit it, but he was quite intimidated by the two who were now glaring at him.

"That isn't to say Roman hurt himself on purpose! Though it is a possibility- but I'm just suggesting that... maybe Deceit wasn't attacking Roman." Logan finished.

"Then what the freak was he doing  _on top_ of Roman, yelling at him?" Patton asks, eyeing up Logan. Obviously, Patton wasn't happy about the suggestion.

"Perhaps... attempting to... I'm not too sure." Logan admits, coming up empty for that particular part of his explanation.

"Yeah, cause you don't know what you're talking about." Virgil tsks moodily as Logan rolls his eyes and sighs.

"It was merely a suggestion"

"Yeah, a suggestion that insinuates Roman hurt himself and didn't come to us for help. He wouldn't  _lie_  about that and then blame Deceit! That doesn't sound like Roman! Come on Lo! You know Ro better than that don't you?" Patton asks, trying to shake his head of that type of possibility.

"Do any of us really know Roman?" Logan says, a slight edge in his voice.

"Think about it. He spends huge amounts of his time in his room, so much so that I can't confidently say I know Roman anymore. The only time I ever interact with Roman these days is in videos and during  _some_ meals, where might I add, he barely eats. You cannot tell me neither of you noticed his hesitation at Patton's roast. I would also like to point out the fact that he wouldn't and most likely will not let us see his injury and-"

"And what? What is your point here Logan? He wouldn't... he wouldn't. He just wouldn't, okay! He just... whatever. Anyway. Three minutes is up. Let's go. I don't- I can't talk about this anymore. It's too much." Virgil mutters before walking off quite quickly toward Romans bedroom door.

"Very well, Virgil. Apologies if I upset you. I was just ensuring we had covered all possibilities beforehand, just so we aren't shocked if it is true-"

"Whatever. I said I didn't want to talk about it." Virgil sighs before knocking loudly against Romans old rainbow door... they really needed to repaint this at some point... maybe when Roman isn't possibly bleeding to death.

"Roman! Invite us in or I'm getting Thomas." Virgil yells, hopefully, loud enough for Roman to hear.

Unfortunately for Roman, he heard Virgil's distressed tone loud and clear from his place on his bed, where might he add he was covering up the words around the bleeding  _stab wound_  with foundation.

See... less than a minute ago Roman  _stabbed_  himself. Literally. He'd summoned an old rag and his old sword that he barely used anymore and gagged himself with the rag to make sure the others didn't hear him scream in pain. He'd made sure it wasn't anywhere vital, and tried to have the wound roughly in the same place he was bleeding previously as to not cause too much suspicion. He also tried to make sure he didn't hit anything major, though he doesn't actually even know if he could physically die. From what Roman knows he couldn't, if the scars on his body said anything, so would it really make a difference if he 'accidentally' stabbed himself through his heart?... he'd never do that though.  
  
He's a coward after all.  
  
Regardless Roman had stabbed himself right through the abdomen. It hurt. He was screaming for a second into his homemade gag before he let the new wound bleed out a while, so he could recover. Eventually, he became numb to the pain, not to say it wasn't still sensitive, but he would live... probably. He was used to worse.

He made sure his foundation was waterproof and was able to withhold a lot of blood and touching as he covered up the words that were carved into his flesh. The sides are going to want to see his injury and he didn't want to be too suspicious, so he was doing his best to make it look realistic while also getting his story straight... or well... gay- goddamit Roman! This is not the time for word games! He needed to make sure they believed this.

Roman clicked his fingers and all his makeup supplies had disappeared in a flash, he'd also taken only a couple of seconds to wrap up his self-inflicted injury in bandages, it was easy as he had to do this almost every day.

Roman took a deep breath before speaking calmly "Room. Allow Anxiety, Morality, and Logic to enter. Temporary, not permanent."

Virgil and the others felt a weight lift from their chests and they all assumed that meant Roman allowed them in.

Virgil shakily reaches for the doorknob and twists, the door opening swiftly in response to his actions. He takes a step in and glances around the room before Patton rushed past him and sat at Romans right side basically bawling at this point.

"Ro! Oh my gosh, okay- you already bandaged it? In only three minutes?" Patton asks frantically as he sees Roman sprawled out on his bed, shirtless with a big bandage wrapped around his figure.

"Of course Padre, wouldn't want to 'bleed out on the floor' as Logan put it. Besides, I only needed to move a couple of things. Not too much, promise" Roman lies and smiles weakly. Logan walks to the left side of Romans bed and sat at a chair that was conveniently placed there. 

He quietly observed the other as Virgil sat next to him, quiet and quite obviously distressed.   
  
Logan took note of Romans bandaging. It was flawless. Tight enough to stop the bleeding, yet loose enough not to cause Roman any more pain than he needs to be in. The way Roman had perfectly bandaged his own injury is setting off red alarms in Logan's head. You would think it would be harder for the creative trait, especially since his injury was in such an awkward place, and must hurt like hell. This meant one; someone else wrapped up his injury (which is highly improbable), and two; Roman had bandaged himself up more than he probably should have too when alone, but what would he need to bandage up so much? This is just adding to his prior theory, and Logan didn't like it one bit.

Virgil saw the analyzing gleam in Logan's eyes and he hated that look. He'd found  _something_  that Virgil hadn't yet and now he was internally panicking about what Logan had noticed.

"Can we see it?" Patton asks the other three sides snap their heads in his direction at this.

"The wound... I mean" Patton coughs awkwardly at all the eyes on him.

"Why?" Roman asks though he knew this was inevitable. Lucky he made sure to be prepared for this question and stabbed himself earlier for this exact situation!... that sounded way more fucked up when thought out loud now that he thought about it... whatever. The damage is done.

"Just... worried is all. I just want to make sure it isn't infected... or anything" Patton says, Virgil and Logan awaiting his response curiously.

"Uhm... okay. I guess that's... fine"

Needless to say, Logan's eyebrows were raised in surprised shock, Patton could've sworn he saw them fly off his head. He didn't expect Roman to actually show them his injury, this... was good then... right? It wedges a hole in the theory Logan was forming in his head... but he still had his suspicions.

Virgil smirked at the look of shock on Logans face as in to say ' _See I was right_ '.

Roman struggles for a second to sit up properly before Virgil scrambled to his side and helped him up.

"Thanks" Roman mumbles to Virgil earning a hum in response as he retreats back to his spot next to Logan, watching with cautious eyes as Roman reaches for the end of his bandages, his hands shaking.  
  
What if the foundation wiped off? What if they saw the words? What if they didn't believe him?  
  
Eventually Roman had unwrapped himself enough to reveal the wound. He rests his head against the headboard of his bed and relaxed a little bit, seeing that it looked just as he had left it previously. It looked real enough for the other three men to buy it... he hopes.  
  
Patton brings a hand up to his mouth in shock as he stares at the still bleeding injury, Logan was quite obviously uneasy, and Virgil felt like he was going to puke.  
  
"Oh my gosh... Roman. Are you sure you're okay?... that... that looks like it hurts a lot-"  
  
"Pat, honestly it's okay. I think a couple of days resting in my room will heal it almost fully. Please don't worry too much." Roman says taking hold of Patton's hand in an attempt to comfort the other who was close to crying.  
  
Logan frowns at this and decides to bring up some of his concerns regardless of Patton and Virgil still being in the room.  
  
"You seem oddly calm about this" Logan says catching the attention of the other three people in the room. He felt Virgil glaring at him, but couldn't see him doing so as Logan just couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from Romans injury.  
  
"I... well... there's just no point in worrying over things that will ultimately be fine in the end you know?... I just don't want to cause anymore panic is all." Roman says, mentally scolding himself for not acting well enough.   
  
"Understandable. I agree fully, but normally ones initial reaction to being attacked and injured is more... well let's just say most individuals don't attempt to comfort the people around them when there seems to be a literal stab wound in their abdomen"  
  
"Well... I guess I'm just not a normal 'individual' then, huh?" Roman chuckles, trying to keep the conversation as light-hearted as possible as well as trying to shut Logan's questioning down. Godammit! Roman wasn't cautious enough and now Logan's on his ass.  
  
"Hmm... seems not. Though I would also like to ask what exactly-"

"Oh my God, Logan, what is this? An interrogation? Let the man rest" Virgil scoffs, leaving Logan raising his eyebrow in slight annoyance with the other's habit of interrupting him mid-sentence.  
  
"I think it is crucial that we know what happened Virgil. And Roman seems well enough to answer, so if you don't mind. Would you let me continue?" Logan asks passively aggressively earning an angry grumble from Virgil. Logan took that as a 'yes' and continued his line of questioning.  
  
"Now. What was I going to say?... oh right. What exactly happened Roman?"  
  
"Hell if I know! The dude just tackled me and stabbed me with a fucking dagger! It was rather inconvenient actually." Roman scoffs attempting to sell his made up story.  
  
"Mhm... yes. Well... that brings me to my next question. Why did he attack you?"  
  
"I... I dunno? That guy is all over the place. He's probably just mad that Thomas is going to the wedding instead of the callback..."  
  
"Sure... okay. So then how did he injure you exactly?"  
  
"I just said he yeeted a damn dagger into my abdomen! Do you not see the stab wound-"  
  
"No, I mean are you afraid of him? Do you fear him?"  
  
"What? No, of course not!-"  
  
"Well then what do you feel for Deceit? Do you love him? A relationship perhaps? Similar to me and Patton?-"  
  
"NO! NO! No! Ewwww, gross! What the fuck Logan-"  
  
"Okay. Does he make you feel sad then? Mad perhaps, maybe happy-"  
  
"He doesn't make me feel anything! The guy is just there, okay?! He's kind of annoying sometimes I guess, but- what the hell does this have to do with anything?"  
  
"Roman, in order for a side to be this physically injured by another side, you'd have to feel something for Deceit. Either it be hate or love, good or bad. He couldn't have inflicted so much damage if he didn't hold some type of power and emotion over you. So I'll ask again. How does he make you feel-"  
  
"Logan, that's enough."  
  
"Patton-"  
  
"No, Logan! Just... stop. We talked about this outside of the room and we ruled that out remember-"  
  
"Did we though? Because all I remember was the two of you shutting me down and not allowing me to analyze things fully. We didn't talk about it at all actually. No instead you two continue to shut down the possibility of my suggestion. Please, would the two of you stop interrupting me and let me get to the bottom of this-"  
  
"Logan I told you I can't handle talking about this! So shut up for once, please!-"  
  
"With all due respect Virgil, if you 'can't handle' it then exit the room. It's as easy as going out for a walk and calming down. You don't have to be here if it makes you this upset and uncomfortable, so please-"  
  
"I'm not going to leave while Roman is bleeding!-"  
  
"STOP INTERRUPTING ME!"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Silence.  
  
"Lo... I... I think you're the one who should leave." Patton breaks the silence.  
  
"I don't mean to sound malicious or mean. Honestly, I don't. You know me Lo... but I think you've spent too much time around us to be thinking clearly."  
  
Logan furrows his eyebrows at this, he's a bit more angry than annoyed at this point and he's had enough of this.  
  
"Fine."  
  
And with that Logan got to his feet and stormed out of the room, his face red and his posture tense. The door slammed shut beside him causing Roman to jump slightly at the noise.  
  
Well... that was new.  
  
"Sorry about him" Virgil sighs heavily and begins rubbing his temples in an attempt to soothe himself.  
  
"No... it's quite alright. I'm sure he just needs a little time alone to think. You know Logan... I just hope he's okay. I didn't mean to cause this... explosion" Roman laughs lightly, trying to ignore the burning sensation he felt in both his abdomen and back. New words were forming, which was bad. They could cut themselves into his exposed stomach and that would be... rather awkward.  
  
"Honestly kiddo don't worry about him. I'll check up on him later, but for now. Are you sure you're alright?" Patton asks squeezing Romans hand.  
  
"Of course Padre. Just a couple of days and I'll be all healed up. Promise." Roman smiles weakly and makes an attempt to move.  
  
"What are you doing?" Virgil asks, sounding a bit more panicked than he wanted to.  
  
"Oh... just thought I should bandage up my wound and put on a shirt... it's just a bit chilly" Roman chuckles.  
  
"Oh. Yeah. Good idea..." Virgil coughs awkwardly.  
  
"Yeah. Here, Ro, I'll wrap you back up" Patton offers, and though Roman knows the other had probably never bandaged someone up before and would probably do a bad job, he allowed Patton to do it regardless.  
  
"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Pat."  
  
And with that Patton and Virgil kept him company for a few more hours before deciding it would be best to leave him to sleep and not keep him up.  
  
"I'll be checking up on you tomorrow morning Ro. Please don't hesitate to yell down the hall for help"  
  
"Of course Pat"  
  
"Okay! Nighty night Roman! See ya tomorrow!"  
  
"Yeah... night Ro... don't die in your sleep or anything" Virgil smiles slightly causing Roman to laugh a bit.

"Thanks, guys" Roman smiles as the two  _finally_  left.  
  
Right, when the door closed softly Roman swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for the closest bandages.  
  
It's been bothering him for hours now how tight his bandages were. He was right. Patton was absolutely terrible at wrapping people up... not that he'd tell the other.  
  
He spent a couple of minutes to make sure he could breathe again before sighing and thinking about a pillow he had been avoiding to think about for a while now...

Okay, okay, okay. He can do this. Just get it over and done with. If they hate you, fair enough. He'd already considered this fact and it was likely they  _would_  hate him, so he was prepared for it... hopefully.  
  
He got to his feet and limped his way over to his closet door and right when he was about to open the door he felt a sudden wave of pain engulf him and suddenly he was paralyzed and on the floor.

_'Not again.'_  Roman thought to himself before an excruciating amount of pain consumed him leaving him a crying and whimpering mess on the floor. In all honesty, he wasn't expecting another attack like this to happen so soon, but then again his last attack was quite a while ago... regardless he was getting cut into mercilessly by his own thoughts, and this was without a doubt, the most is had ever hurt.  
  
Some cursive writing decided to slash deeper into his stab wound, and he wanted... no needed to scream, but he physically couldn't and it was taking it's toll on him.  
  
He wants to die.  
  
Right now.  
  
RIGHT NOW.  
  
Anything, other than this.  
  
Please dear god, just kill him already. Why must he be tortured like this? He feels like his skin is forcibly being ripped from his body.  
  
"mmMm- p-puh-lea-a" he tried to scream out, but it came out as nothing but a whisper.  
  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck someone please help!...  
  
After a while of nothing but torture, he was finally numb to it... and so he smiled to himself as he cried.  
  
He deserved this.  
  
He deserved all of it.

**-**

**Wowie a lot happened in this chapter ooooof- sorry i feel bad for Dee he ain't ever listened to sighhhhhhh ROMAN wat r u doing u twaT PLEASE MY BBY BOI GET HELPS JESUS FUCCC!.. I mean this is my fault, BUT I MEAN... im so sorry fuckkkk. anyway...  
  
**

**(spoilers for Dealing with intrusive thoughts, the newest Thomas Sanders episode)**

****holY fUCKING SHITTTTT DID U SEE THAT EPISODE THO!? IM CRYING MY EYEBALLS OUT REMUS IS SUCH A GARBAGE RAT-BASTARD AND I LOVE THAT MAN WAY TOO MUCH AHHH I JUST- MMMMMMMMMMmmm, aND thAt Logan GroWTh tHO- damN my bABy bOi! YOU GO HONEY! AND LIKE PATTON'S GROWING TOO HE KNOWS HE CAN'T JUST- AND THE CONFIRMATION ON VIRGIL- i mean we been knew honey, but its good your telling ThomathY AND LIKE THAT WHOLE SONG THING (unicorn porn everyone) AND LIKE JUST- i was thirsting after my bby boi roman but he was like passed out the whole thing, but like his little side comments were lit. i stan everything that happened alSO ROMAN U CANT JUST LIKE DIS UR BROTHER LIKE THAT, THE RAT EXISTS OK! HE EXISTS AND WE LOVE HIM AND I GET U HAVE LIKE INSECURITES BUT FUCK- ALSO I HOPE YOUR OKAY RO AND UR BROTHER IS KIND OF AN ASSHOLE SO I UNDERSTAND BUT- I love Ro so much and i just- im not looking foward to his angst or anY oF thEirs fOR thAt maTter! like we're jsut gonna get so much angst and deceit my boI WherE you at, u weRe in a sonG sequEnce and Kinda ur music was there (probs on vacation after unleashing Remus on Thomas and all them xDD that poor dude), but FUCK THIS EPISODE WAS EVERYTHING. i rlly wanna add Remus and his rat-self into this fiC, BUt would IT MAKE SENSE?! and this whole video would be hard to incorperate into this fic, BUT YOU GUYS TELL ME DOWN BELOW! I LOVE YOU ALL AND REMUS IS MY NEW RAT DADDY AND FUUUUUUUCK I LOVE THOMAS AND THE WHOLE FLIPPIN' TEAM FOR GRACING US WITH THIS. Okay i should go i needa sleep- or well do procrastinated homework, then maybe write a bit more fic then sleep- okaY!** **

****Should I really add in Remus and the newest video into the fic somehow? because I really really want too, but you guys are the** ** ****ones** ** ****reading this... or do you guys think it'll be weird to have slutty rat daddy in this so suddenly? (cause hes definetly gonna be in a future fic I'm planning (its rlly different and im scared thomas is gonna drop another character in while I'm writing it and im not ready-)), but yeah. Please let me know so I can make a decision before the next chapter.** **

**(Btw these notes are written before i wrote the actual chapter, cause Thomas yeeted this vid at me whILE I waS aT WORK, but i got macas and watched it with my brother til 10:30pm here, so.... yes. my brother is also Thomas trash, so he loved the vid and wanted to fight everyone who hurt Patton, but i was like BRO ITS GROWTH OK PATTON AINT PERFECT and then he proceeded to explain to me why Patton** **_was_ ** **perf and why i should stfu and im so glad he loves Thomathy as much as I do, but brO- (he also loves trash rat btw). ANYWAY ILL STOP RANTING SOZ- BYE! REMEMBER to TELL ME BELOW** **iF yOu waNt traShy raT introDuced!)  
  
Oh and... TELL ME IF THERE ARE ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS U COWARDS (and if I should add more stuff to the warnings). Also... i felt bad for having an inconsistent upload schedule so here have some shitty art i made for this fic... its a sketch and i know its bad, but uhm... yeah idk this is how i kinda imagine ro having his attacks (AND BTW THIS WAS SET WHEN HE FIRST BEGAN HAVING THEM HENCE WHY HE'S BLEEDING THROUGH HIS PRINCEY UNIFORM IT WASN'T MADE WATER/BLOODPROOF YET MKAY-).   
  
Warnings now, there's blood and disturbing imagery here. Please for the love of god be safe guys, I love you all so much <3.**

     

**Cheers!**

**Bai, bai ^-^**

**Lubs ❤**

_**\- ExistentTrash** _


	9. 8 - Brothers are a**holes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter-specific warning - wHOO BOI! Let's get into today's warnings huh? So there's a lot of emotions, crying, blood, mad boios as usual and also hint at a panic attack, but there's also toxic thinking and behaviour and kind of a remus x deceit relationship? its kinda of toxic just warning. there's a lot of sexual innuendos and themes (i wonder why *cough* remus *cough*). theres uhh self harm after effects, near death mention. lowkey manipulative deceit. also just remus in general. i would say that's a valid warning hah. Please tell me if you think I need to say anything else for the beginning warnings, please. I don't want to hurt anybody. Enjoy!**

"I should go check on Logan" Patton sighs softly as he hesitantly closes Romans' door behind him.

"Yeah... I'll uh. I'll come too. Hopefully, he's cooled down by now" Virgil scoffs as he runs his hands through his hair in a tired manner.  
  
He hasn't slept properly for a while now, and all of these emotions clashing together was draining. He hated fighting with the others, he really does. Especially fighting with Logan seeing as the logical trait is usually always right, but Virgil was also unbelievably agitated, irritated and tired right now too. It just happens when he's been overly anxious for too long, and the fact that he hadn't left the others side for almost a week isn't helping him make sense of this delirious thoughts.

"Do you think he's okay? I hope I wasn't too rude earlier" Patton says as he begins rubbing his hands together. It was a nervous habit he'd developed due to being so close to Virgil lately, and the fact that they're nearing Logan's bedroom door isn't helping him calm down at the moment.

"No Pat you were fine. He's going to be fine. Calm down, it's going to be alright." Virgil tries his best to comfort the other, but he was too tired to think properly and he was sure half of what he just said didn't make any sense.

"Yeah... yeah its fine" Patton repeats in an attempt to calm himself down before he takes a deep breath and knocks on Logan's door lightly.

"Logan Berry? Sunshine of my life? It's... it's us. Patton and Virgil. We wanted to talk... please?"

And just like that the door swung open with an oddly calm looking Logan on the other side. He had his arms folded. It was an act of defense Virgil had read somewhere, and he would know. He folds his arms during almost every interaction he has.

"H-hey Logy bear" Patton mutters anxiously under his breath.

"What do you need Morality?" He questions sharply, it sent shivers up Patton's spine. This reminds Patton of the old days where Logan barely interacted with him or any of the others as a matter of fact. He hated this. Virgil raised his eyebrow in slight annoyance at Logan's choice of words... now he’s just being petty.

"We just... wanted to talk is all" Patton explains as Virgil folds his arms unconsciously and instinctively in a defensive manner. Logan's behavior was unsettling him.

"Did you actually want to talk? Or did you want to tell me how things are and not allow me to voice my own concerns?"

"Oh my god- you're still salty about that? Did you even attempt to calm yourself down?" Virgil was reaching his breaking point if he wasn't there already.

"Did you?" Logans mutters under his breath passive aggressively.

"O-okay. Well, how about we calm down? Huh? Let's just calm down and take a deep breath and just... make out- I mean up! Makeup! Let's just makeup and apologize... yeah?" The other two traits refused to make eye contact with one another but nodded regardless.  
  
 "Okay... good. Now... Logan... do you have something you want to say to Virgil?" Patton's asks looking softly up at Logan.

"Excuse me?" Logan grimaced.

"Don't you think you should apologize to him for earlier?" Patton asks as Logan squints down at him in disbelief.

"And Patton for that matter" Virgil mumbles as he looks to Logan expectantly.

"Unbelievable. Are you both intending to apologize to me in return?" Logan glares down at the duo.

"For what?" Virgil scoffs.

"For telling you to calm down when you were literally yelling at us?" Virgil's eye twitches.

"You say that like you weren't yelling yourself, you hypocrite."

"Pssh- wow, really? Really Logan?? You're such a child I can't even" Virgil flails his arms around in frustration. He has an unbelievably painful headache at the moment.

"C'mon Lo, that wasn't necessary." Patton furrows his eyebrows.

"And his excessive sarcasm and attitude  _is_  necessary?" Logan asks, he feels cornered at this point and beyond furious. He hates feeling this way. He was accustomed to the good emotions Patton made him feel, like love, comfort... he felt needed and safe... but this? This was just... just  _pain_. He never should've let himself become vulnerable! He knew the risks and now he couldn't fucking  _think_!  
  
 _It hurt!... so bad._

"Logan he's just trying to get you to see that this bickering is meaningless! Look, I love Virgil and I love-"

" _Then why don't you just date Virgil then._ "  
  
  
  


"It makes perfect sense to me! You never listen to me and you always side with him in the end, so what even is the point if all you think of me is a nuisance! The both of you don't let me voice my own opinions to the point where I'm questioning if I even should have my own opinions and thoughts! It's suffocating! I hope you're happy together because I'm done! I'm  _fucking_ done!" The last thing they saw was Logan's red face and glassy eyes that were brimming with tears before the door  _slammed_  shut in their faces.  
  
Patton had his hand to his mouth in shock.

He was going to puke.

Logan had never looked so angry, so frustrated, so hurt...  
  
So  _emotional_ before now.

"P... Patton-"

"N-n... not right now Virgil" Patton sniffles, as he begins power walking away in the direction of his room leaving Virgil standing there  _alone_.

Virgil was  _freaking_  the fuck out!

' _Oh my god, we're never going to speak ever again!_ ' His family is broken! It's broken! He broke it! Why did he have to get so irritated all the time? Why did he have to ruin everything? Roman's probably going to die, Logans mad and Patton's sad! Logan had a fucking point too! Why did he have to push everyone too far all the time!? Why does he have to ruin every good thing he has? This is all his fault! He should've left when Logan told him to leave! But he never listens to anyone where he gets like this!...  
  
He needs to apologize!...

He took a side glance at the door next to him before gulping and shaking his head in slight fear. ... maybe after he has a panic attack in his room, he'll come back and... and try to make it up to them... somehow.

But for now, he has to calm his shaking hands and neverending tears down.

 _Why is he so anxious all the time?_  
  
It ruins everything.  
  
 _He_ ruins everything.

**-**

"Jesus! The dude is so fucked up I'm beginning to think you two share more similarities than I initially thought!" Deceit has been ranting for almost half an hour by now.

"UGgggHh. When you invited me over to your room I didn't think  _this_  was why you wanted me here" Remus whines as he rolls around on Deceit's bed in boredom.

Remus was slightly invested in the story when Deceit mentioned a fight or something, but when he asked Dee to describe it more the other got defensive. He probably lost the fight and Remus plans to piss off the other to no extent once he finds out the details, but... for now, Remus may die of actual boredom if Deceit keeps droning on like this.

"I mean he has a godamn death wish and the others refuse to even hear me out! And they have the nerve to refer to me as a quote-unquote 'dark side' the hypocritical bastards!"

"Mhmm.. yeah... cool. Hey look I know you're super duper angry and yelling is a good release or whatever, but I can think of an even better way to blow off steam if you know what I mean. Wink wonk."

"First of all, never verbally say 'wink wonk' ever again, and secondly shut the fuck up for a minute you disgusting slut-"

"Only for you, Daddy D-"

"I swear to god, if you finish that sentence I'll choke you to death."

"Well in that case, heheh. Ahem. Only for you, Daddy Dee."

"Unbelievable. I don't even know why I bothered to call you here"

"Me either to be honest. I thought you finally snapped, and by the looks of it. I was right. So like... what position do you want me in and when does the choking start?-"

"Oh, that's right. That's why I needed you" Deceit sighs in a frustrated manner before continuing his train of thought.

"Did you know about Romans little predicament?" Dee asks rolling his eyes, doubting his choice in a partner as the other side was currently sticking his ass in the air.

"Wha- ugh. Why you gotta ruin the mood and mention my dumbass brother??? Grosssss-"

"Just answer the damn question." Deceit was beginning to get impatient with the other.

"You need to be a little more specific when it comes to Roman babe."

"Roman's problem. Do you know about it or not?"

"Sigh. Are you talking about his problem with you? With me? With the other one? Or maybe the problem his stomach has when he eats creamed based anything -the pussy-. Or the problem he has with himself that causes him to bleed all over the carpet and it's fucking hilarious to see the scars on his body, speaking of which he's bleeding out as we speak- Or maybe you're talking about the little problem he gets when he thinks about Virgil?"

"No, no, no, no, no, and no! Jesus do you know anything- wait a minute did you just say- did you know this whole time?"

"What? About the huge boner, he gets when he thinks ab-"

"NO! You rat! Why do you even know about that? Can we even get those?"

"I dunno... but I sure do-"

"You know what? I don't even want to know so shut up... I'm talking about the self-loathing part of it."

"Oooooh... mhm yeah. What about it?" Remus asks sighing as he picks his nails.

"What do you mean 'What about it?' You didn't think telling me about this while we were planning was necessary?"

"Pfft more like scheming you sneaky snek, and I dunno I probably forgot or... something- hey do you think it would be weird if Thomas made out with his dad?"

Dee stood there in unsettling silence while squinting at the other in disgust.

"I'm not even going to comment on that. Now. Listen up!" Deceit claps and lays his ungloved hands on the Remus' cheeks.

"I'm sorry I haven't been giving you enough attention lately okay? And I know how you can get sometimes, but you know I love you, yeah?"

"Hmph." Remus folds his arms and glances off to the side in a pout.

"Come on, don't be like that. I promise after my plan succeeds we can hang out all you want... probably. But for now, I need you to tell me everything you know and don't leave anything out. Understood?"

Remus nods frantically.

"Good. Now we need to make a new plan with any new information you can tell me. So. Start from the beginning."

"Okay, so when Thomas was born-"

"I  _will_  slap you."

"Yes _please_ , my one and only Dee-light"

Deceit rolls his eyes and begins to rub his temples in frustration. It's a coping mechanism at this point.

' _It's all going to pay off in the end. Just deal with it for a little longer then I can dump this idiot and have Thomas listen to me for once. I just need to deal with him for a little longer. At least until his usefulness runs dry. Just a little longer.'_ This was the only thought he had while Remus continued to rant and rant about things that didn't matter at the moment.

_Just a little longer._

**-**

It's been hours and he was still numb.

Which was usually okay, but the fact that it's been HOURS -as in it's almost six in the morning- is really concerning Roman at the moment. It's never lasted this long before. It's literally been six hours since he collapsed. Was he really going to die today? If so, would anyone actually care? Sure they'll be sad for a while, but they'll get over it, right?... Right?  
  
So what's the harm in just allowing it to happen? Where does he even go after he dies? Will he just... become nothing? Will be become a different side? A different race altogether? Maybe an alien... maybe he'll go to heaven... oh who's he kidding? He's going to hell!...

Will Remus rule Thomas' creativity? Surely he'd do a better job than Roman could do, but then again his brother's high-key an asshole with a demented sense of humor... Roman almost considered actually trying to live just because he was too stubborn to let that asshole beat him at life, but... he just couldn't anymore.

It was all too exhausting.

He was  _so, so tired_. It didn't matter how long he slept, how long he rested, he was always tired.  
  
 _So. Fucking. Tired.  
_  
Maybe if... he just closed his eyes he could just sleep for once without pain knocking on his door every two seconds. He just wanted to sleep...  _forever_...

That sounds nice.

Just as he was about to give up and let unconsciousness and possibly death take him he heard a laugh. A laugh that made him want to facepalm and kill himself even faster. He knew that laugh all too well.

Goddamit.

"Roooooooo~ ROOOO!? RO- OH! There you are you, rapscallion! I'm digging the new crimson red carpet in contrast to your pristine white. I like it a lot. It just SCREAMS ' _help me!_ '. LOVING IT! ABSOLUTELY LOVING IT!" That 'charming' voice exclaims far too loudly for Roman to even think about dying at the moment. Said voice got closer and was eventually sitting directly beside him, Roman's blood soaking into his dark pants, but the black didn't really allow it to be seen. Smart. Maybe Roman should start wearing black more often.

"Anyyyyway, I was looking for you! You shoulda seen Double Dick Dee earlier! He was fucKING RAGING! It was everything my life had been leading up to! I WAS THRIVING!" And in comes the obnoxious laughter as he splooshed around in my blood.

' _Dear god kill me now_ '

"Liek HONESTLY, his face was SO red I swear if I touched his face I'd burn! Which sounds deliciously hot, kind of like Dee- and I just- I CAn'T AHAHAHAHAHA... mMm- anywayyyy how's my favourite, davourite, dyin' bro goinnnn??? Oh also tell me eVERY detail about the fight earlier okay? Cause I really want to fuck with Dee later so he'll slam me up against a wall and all that juicy shit! God! He's so precious when he's mad! Also, I totally love that I can just pop in on you at any time too it's so neat that you're constantly thinking about suicide! I missed you SO much before and now I can just pop in on yah! Whenever I want! Ain't that lit?"

Roman didn't even want to begin unpacking that sentence. Jesus fuck, 'davourite' isn't even a fucking word! Like what the hell?... Wait... why is that the only thing he's offended by in that sentence? Jesus, he really is fucked up.

"Rooooooo... ROOOOOO- look I know you're dying and all, but jeez... r00D much?? Have some damn decency for your brother you little shit!"

' _Says you_ ' Roman wanted to growl out while simultaneously slapping his brother all the way to space... but currently, he quite literally couldn't do anything right now.

"Ro"

And suddenly Roman felt a poking sensation in his side and all he wanted to do was  _scream_ out at the pain that caused. His finger was  _in_  his damn stab wound...  _IN HIS DAMN STAB WOUND!_

"Romannnn"

_Poke._

"ROOOO"

_Poke._

"RomaN don't Be mEannnn!!"

 _Poke_.

"RO!"

 _POKE_.

Roman's about to murder a bitch. He swears to god the moment god gifts him his ability to walk again Roman will shove his foot up his counterparts ass!

"SIIIIIIIIGHHHHH. FinnNNE. You're no fun... where's Pill at???" Remus scoffs and gets to his feet. Speaking of feet, Remus was currently digging his into Roman. Literally Roman could feel the heel of his boots penetrate his previously done stitches. Roman was shaking in pain.

' _Asshole_ '...  
  
Regardless of the fact that Remus is an obnoxious  _FUCKTARD_ , Roman needs him at the moment... or does he? He was honestly just going to let whatever was going to happen, happen. Is it worth it to let him help? Roman was really debating whether or not to let this asshole standing on him to get help. Roman was too stubborn and suicidal to deal with this shit right now!

Needless to say, Roman caved and rolled his stinging eyes, before staring intensely at the closet in front of him.

"Ooooo~ the good ol' closet hmmm? Remember when Thomas was still in there? Fantasizing about that dude from that movie- what was it called????? Ahhhh, it's on the tip of my tongue... HAH! Kinda like a dick will be later!"

HOW DID ANY OF THAT SENTENCE EVEN MAKE SENSE?! His brother has an attention span of a toddler as well as the mental capacity of a literal goblin.

"Anyyyywayyyy" Remus sing songs and leaps from Romans stomach and basically body slamming into the closet door, breaking it and landing on the floor like the idiot he was.

"Owiiiie" Remus whined as he rubbed his head before getting to his feet and grabbing a pillow he knew all too well out of Romans messy ass closet. Instantly that pillow formed into a mirror of himself.

"Roman, please just let me carry you to bed- Remus? What the fuck?!" Pill exclaimed clearly confused and offended as they look down at their gross appearance.

"Who knew the person I needed most would be myself!? HAH! That's amazing" Remus wipes a tear from his eye in amusement as he examines Pills new form.

"Remus, I swear to god. Get the fuck away from me. And where the hell is- ROMAN?!" Pill screams running toward the half-dead trait who was barely breathing on the floor.

"Daww come on Pill, that's no fun! I've always had a thing for myself like- seriously, you should look in the mirror, and sooooo I was thinking... let's make the most of this opportunity! Wanna get freaaaaky???? I would totally fuck myself!"

"Fuck. Off." Pill growls lowly before grabbing a hold of Romans hand and instantly forming into... Logan? Hmm. Not expected, but it's something.

"Hey, hey, hey. Roman? Are you conscious?" The Logan-look alike whispers softly as Remus rolls his eyes at the disgusting display of love.

"But Pillllll, I'm so BORED. Look. I don't mind Logan either, I'm totally down with the glasses and tie-"

"If you don't shut your disgusting ass mouth up right now I will literally break every bone in your body until you can't take the pain any longer and beg me to kill you."

...

"Sexy. Not gonna lie. I'm kinda turned on right now-"

"OKAY! THAT'S IT. If you don't get out right now, Roman's going to die. Do you want Roman to die Remus?"

...

"..."

...

"Huh? What's that? I couldn't hear you. Do you, or do you not want your brother to  _die_? Tell me right the fuck now!"

"Maybe... I do..." Remus pouts childishly and Pill debates whether or not to have faith in Thomas anymore.

"Yeah? Well good. Because he's barely conscious right now and his breathing is coming to a stop in less than sixty seconds if you don't leave anD LET ME FUCKING FOCUS!"

"Yeesh... if I knew Pill was gonna take me on a guilt trip I wouldn't have come... total turn off. I'm leaving" Remus sighs dramatically before turning to face Romans door to the commons.

"Thank you." Pill lets out an exasperated sigh and tries to focus back on Roman who's breathing was becoming terrifyingly short.

"bUT NOT BEFORE I GET A SELFIE WITH MY BRO-BRO!" And suddenly Roman had been ripped away from Pills grip and into Remus' who was currently posing and moving Romans hands around like dead weight as he snapped pics of the two together.

Roman didn't actually know what was happening anymore, but whatever it was, Roman probably deserved it.

"Hashtag twininnngggggg" Remus snickers before he felt a sharp pain in his head as a result of Pill kicking him in the forehead painfully.

"OkAY- I'm gone! I'm totally sending these pics to Dee, along with a few nudes probably-"

In a poof of black smoke, the clown was gone. Finally.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Roman- okay. It's going to be okay" Pill sniffles, tears forming in their eyes as Ro's eyes got cloudy.

"You are  _not_  dying right now. Understood? Roman?... Ro?- ROMAN KEEP YOUR DAMN EYES OPEN!"

' _Okay, okay think Pill, think._ ' Pill thought as they lifted Roman's head onto their lap wincing slightly at the soft whimper Roman gave them in response to the sudden movement.

"Lo... n-n... no... i... i...P-pu... pill?" It was barely audible and came out as a soft cough, but Pill could  _just_  hear it.

"Shhhhhhh, don't talk, don't talk. Just let me think..." They say as they rub circles into Roman's temples in an attempt to comfort him while tears flow down their face in desperation.

"Okay... we're just... we're just going to lay here for a while before I move you okay?... you n-need... you need rest is all, I... we... Roman? ROMAN!"

Their breathing began to become uneven to the point where they began hyperventilating.

His eyes were shut!

"Roman, I swear to god you better be sleeping" Pill whispers to themselves in an attempt to calm themselves down before leaning down to get the right angle to make sure he was breathing. Fortunately, the rise and fall of his chest was still present and was one of the most comforting things in the universe at the moment.

"Thank god... okay. Examine, think, patch up Pill." they try to talk themselves into a better head space. They hated how they felt right now. They'd never felt this way before now... they're so empty, drained and... was he starting to fade?! They can't exist if Roman doesn't please that can't mean Romans... actually going to die?... no Roman's going to be fine! He has to be fine!

Pill looked around the room... it was oddly clean. Where the hell were all the first aid kits?... they didn't want to leave Roman's side, but they couldn't just do nothing as Roman quite literally died out on the ground... so they laid Ro's head on the ground before picking the other up in their arms and carrying him over to his bed.

"Its gonna be alright Pill. It's going to be okay." They whisper to themselves as they place the other onto his bed gently, while also trying to keep going. They feel so  _weak._

Immediately they began searching high and low for any sign of a first aid kit. They made sure to check up on Roman every ten seconds, of course, to check the other was breathing.

"Where did you put them, Ro?" Pill sighs sadly before checking under the bed. Of course, the last place they checked would be where they were. It's just their luck.

Quickly they grabbed the first one they could and sat next to Roman's unconscious body. They pulled out a pair of scissors and carefully cut Roman's shirt off. There was so much blood at this point, that the cotton fabric was stuck to Ros skin... why would he even put a cotton shirt on  _without_  his four layers of bandaging? He knows that this happens when he bleeds through his first layer of bandages so... what is going on? Pill hates being out of the loop when it comes to Roman.

As they proceeded to peel away the fabric and whatever was left of Roman's saturated bandage they audibly gasped to themselves at the sight of a certain injury... sure the words were utterly and disgustingly painful for Roman, but this wasn't a damn word!  
  
This was a  _literal_  stab wound!  
  
How did he get it?... he wouldn't have... stabbed himself right? No way! This was a whole new level of  _fucked_ _up_. Roman would never... try to... would he?... that thought worried Pill.

They needed to know  _right now_ how he got it. They needed to wake Roman up and ask, but... the other wouldn't respond if he was in too much pain so for now, they just needed to stitch him up and make sure he was in the best condition he could be in at the moment. And more than anything, they needed to stay  _calm_.

_'Please, don't tell me you did this to yourself, Roman.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **heYYyo so here's the next update, sorry if it's kinda short, but i was trying to do something and ive got... a... eheh... idea for the next chapter... do with that information what you will. alSO i just re-read this and realized i basically just made bastard rat a thirsty ass demented hoe bUT liKe... that's what he is amirite? pfft hah idk i just wanted to add him in its probably fine i wanna do a bit more with him and at this point, he's the asshole, comical relief man, because Jesus writing and reading this is intense idk hope u likey? plz just take it at this point lma000 also... next chapter... ooof. i think i have an idea so... heh. anyway. hope you guys enjoyed this as much as one can enjoy angst and yeah (TELL ME IF I HAVE ANY GRAMMATICAL SPELLATICAL ERRORS U COWARDS... i love u all tho ok <33) Okie byeee! Peace out!**
> 
> **(oh yeah... and lowkey apologize for the Logicality break-up thing?..... IM SO SORRY-)**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


	10. 9 - Trickery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Let's keep the warnings snappy hmm?? I've kept you guys waiting way too long. I'm so sorry. - Blood, gore, negative/suicidal thinking, angst, sexual innuendos, food mentions, eating disorder type elements, cursing, crying, the kinda toxic, kinda not Demus relationship, i think also something to do with insomnia as well, sleep mentions. The usual. Be careful and safe and I love you all. Please tell me if I missed any warnings, I don't want anybody hurt in the future. Thank! And I hope you enjoy this chapter! Proceed with caution.**

It's almost nine in the morning and Pill had been working non-stop to make sure Roman was alive and well... or at least as well as someone could be after everything Roman has faced lately.

Seeing as they never left Roman's side unless they absolutely had too Pill had shapeshifted  _a lot_. And by  _a lot_ , they mean three times every half an hour. It was worrying. They'd never changed so much in only a couple hours. Honestly, it was draining and completely new. What did it mean?...  
  
Generally, it was only ever a rotation between Patton, Logan, and Virgil. The normal three transformations, but now they were even becoming  _Deceit_. Which had -and they can't stress this enough- never happened before. Not in a million years would you have  _ever_  seen Pill shapeshift into Deceit. It was crazy... speaking of crazy... right now he was  _Remus_.

Yeah, you heard that right.

Remus  _Motherfucking_ Sanders (and yes according to Remus, that  _was_ his legitimate middle name).

This fact terrified Pill.

Why would Roman need Remus right now? When has Roman ever needed his dipshit brother? It makes no sense. And the same goes for Deceit too.

Regardless, half an hour ago Roman woke up. Now. He may be awake, but that doesn't mean he's conscious. Generally, it takes an hour or two for him to be fully aware of what's happening around him, so Pill was going to hold off a tad longer before questioning Roman like a damn police officer trying to solve a murder case.

Pill had been sitting there for a while deciding on what questions to ask and what questions they should avoid in case they make the situation worse, but they weren't going to stop asking and asking until Roman told them the goddamn truth, because they were  _worried_. They were. So. Goddamn worried. They barely got Romans breathing and bleeding under control. Roman would have slipped just like  _that_. And that  _terrified_  them.

After a while of Roman staring blankly up at the ceiling in Pills, lap Pill shifted suddenly into their own form. They weren't Virgil, not Logan, not Patton, not even Remus or Deceit... no. They shapeshifted into  _Pill_.

Their fluffy light brown hair fell in their face and they gasped softly at the sight of it. It'd been a while since they were just  _them_.

"Dunno who you want, eh?" Pill attempted to get a verbal response out of Roman in a light-hearted manner. Maybe they were hoping for too much, but Roman  _did_ end up responding, so perhaps not. Ro chuckled softly to himself before speaking, it was quiet, but Pill could  _just_  make it out...

"No. I just want you right now" Roman mutter softly and  _attempts_  to move into a more comfortable position, keyword being;  _attempts_.

_Woah._

Roman had  _never_  wanted Pill before- or well at least in this type of situation. He'd never just wanted to be with Pill.

"What?"

"I said... I just want you right now."

"Oh."

So Pill sat there for a while longer deciding it best for Roman to relax a little more before Ro was ready for some discipline and a good talking to... but they had to be kind about it of course.

They had never  _ever_  been the source of a word appearing on Romans skin and they didn't plan to be any time soon. And seeing that Roman needed them right now? As in, he just needed to be with Pill at the moment and no one else... well. That was just another reason to be cautious. They needed to be careful in their wording... but they also needed the cold hard truth.

"Hey Ro" They started off, their tone warm and gentle.

"Mmm?" Ro hums softly.

"What happened?"...  
  
And just like that, the mood shifted.

"You didn't miss much if that's what you're asking" his voice was clear, loud, and cold an unsettling difference in his previous tone... he was obviously lying. Not very well, however.

Pill hated being lied to. They loathed it. Roman knows this, and the fact that Ro's lying to him about something that obviously directly affects his health? Well. Let's just say Pill isn't going to give up so easily... and if this ends up in them becoming a normal body pillow again?... then so be it.

"Oh yes, because a  _literal_ stab wound in your abdomen is me not missing much huh?" Okay, there wasn't supposed to be so much sarcasm laced in that sentence, but it was what it was.

"Don't worry about it" Roman sighs and hides his face in Pills chest. He knows he isn't wriggling his way out of this one, hence him hiding himself from Pill's view.

"Okay... well we both know that's not going to happen. Just tell me, Ro. You know I won't judge you. I just want to help... please?"

"... if I tell you... would you be... could you- do a favor for me?" Roman mumbles quietly before shifting so he could face Pill head-on. Ro was currently having trouble speaking. He could barely get his thoughts together as it is, so forming them into actual words and expressing them verbally? Now that was a challenge.

"Of course, Ro. Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything."  
  
...Pill was going to regret this later, weren't they?

"Okay... soooo... I might of... sort of... stabbed-myself-in-the-abdomen-in-an-attempt-to-ease-the-others-worries?" Roman lets it all out with one breath before chuckling darkly to himself...

Okay. Well. Pill was definitely going to have to implement their murder plan to kill all the other sides soon. This was getting  _ridiculous_. They were driving him to death.

"Roman" Pill sighs and runs a hand through their own hair in slight frustration.

"That makes  _no_ sense. Explain further please before I go on a murder spree. How would  _you_  literallystabbing yourself -which by the way don't think you're off the hook for that-  _not_  worry the others more than you not having a stab wound?" Pill was so irritated that that sentence even came out of their mouth. Like what the fuck?

"Okay hear me out. So I kind of fucked-up Deceits whole plan and he was going to tell the others the truth so I kind of unleashed my pent up rage upon him and long story short I lied to the others and told them he stabbed me when really one of my wounds just bleed through my prince uniform and I knew they were going to want to see the wound otherwise they'd be suspicious so I stabbed myself and I know it was stupid and I'm sorry, but I only had three minutes to clean my room as best I could, stab myself and clean it up a tad before the others barged in. SoIcouldn'tgettoyouintimeandIjustpanickedandmymindjusttoldmetograbmyswordoutanddoitsoIjustdiditandnow-" His word were starting to slur together. That wasn't good. None of what Roman was explaining to them was ' _good_ '.

"Roman breathe. Breathe with me." Pill instructs and makes sure to give Roman an example of how to breathe correctly. They took a deep breath and watched as Roman frantically tried to copy them, but he found it to be a challenge.

"It's okay. You're alright. You're alive. I'm alive... everything is going to be okay... I... I promise Ro. Right now we just need to breathe, okay?" Pill says softly and gently.

Roman copied the other trying to calm himself down from the hyperventilation fit that was about to happen if Pill wasn't there to help him.

"Good job Ro. You're doing so well." Pill tells the other and hugs him a tad tighter to let the other know they were there.

They were always going to be there for him.  
  
After some time passed Pill deemed it necessary to bring some certain things up.

"So... anyway. You're basically telling me you stabbed yourself in the abdomen because Deceit was trying to help you?"

...

"W-well... yeah. B-but... but wording it like that... doesn't make it sound so great... besides... you know how I feel about telling the others. I won't let it happen" Roman mutters stubbornly. His stab wound was starting to ache a tad.

"And I will never understand why not" Pill sighs and decides to drop the topic for a while to allow Roman to recover from his pre-panic attack like state.

"For now we're going to rest okay? We'll talk more about you deliberately hurting yourself later... but for now, I think you should sleep. I don't want you sending yourself over the edge okay? Last time that happened..." Pill shivered at the memory.

"Actually..." Roman chuckles nervously as Pill raises an eyebrow in a 'd _on't even try me right now_ ' manner.

"You aren't moving." Pill states in an authoritative tone.

"Oh no. Of course,  _I'm_ not moving... but you are"

"What? What does that even mean? Come on Ro, you know I hate when you're just vague."

"Well... see... the others are going to check up on me soon and... obviously I'm not in any state to be ' _fine_ ' -because I'm useless- so I was thinking... maybe you could shapeshift into me? And pretend... to be me?"

Pill stared blankly at the other before letting out an over-exaggerated sigh.

"But Roman... I hate them."

"Hate is... such a strong word isn't it?"

"Not strong enough" Pill mutters before rolling their eyes. They knew ultimately they were going to do this for Roman. Regardless of how they felt about... the others.

"Pill." Roman deadpans.

"Finnnnnnne. But I swear to god the moment they talk bad about you I will-"

"Do nothing and nod while smiling and agreeing. Good! Thanks, Pill, love ya buddy. You're already doing a good job!"

"I can't believe this is happening- and how am I supposed to shapeshift into you? I don't work like that Ro"

"Oh, I know. Just... okay you need to touch one of them before they see you somehow and... maybe uh..." Oh great now Roman's going to fall down a hole of overthinking things. He's got that look on his face again.

"Okay, okay. Don't worry about it Ro, I'll make do okay?... now... how long exactly will I have to be around them, because I don't want to leave your side for too long"

"Oh, a couple of hours tops-"

"Roman I'm not leaving you here for a 'couple hours' by yourself. That's just... letting you die."

"Maybe I  _should_ die."

"Roman please don't say that-"

"Anyway, Patton would've made breakfast already so do me a favor and eat as much as possible. Patton gets worried when I don't eat. Pat will also want to bake cookies or something as comfort food and family bonding time after breakfast so make sure to make a couple of cookie puns. Lo will be... analyzing you so be careful of him and include him in the cooking as much as possible, because the closer to Patton he is the more distracted he is... and Virgil?... well he's a little more unpredictable, but I'm sure you'll cope. You know me well. You know them slightly. And if any of the others ask to see the wound, just shake it off and distract them. Patton loves-"

"Animals, Logan loves space and talk about anything edgy with Virgil. I know. Don't worry about it Roman I've got it. Stop overthinking. I can do this. Don't worry about it. Please just rest... and I'm not leaving for more than  _one_  hour. Understood?"

"Okay, sure... " Roman yawns and stares up at the ceiling thinking about a couple of holes in his plan regardless of Pill telling him not to.

He's too good at manipulating others... he's a terrible person. How could he lie and do this to them? Of course, they deserve the truth, but don't they deserve to be happy too?... it's a double-edged blade and all he wanted to do was grab that blade and stab himself  _again_  if it meant everything would just  _slow down_  or even better  _stop_.

Roman wouldn't admit it to Pill or anyone for that matter, but... he was ready. That moment he was on the floor, bleeding out? So close to death? He was ready for it. He was ready to fade out. Ready to leave. Ready to  _sleep_. He was happy about it in fact.

That's just terrible, isn't it?

"Roman?"

"Huh?"

"I asked what time they'd get here."

Roman glanced to his side where his alarm clock sat on his bedside table and then back up to the ceiling. Nine in the morning.

"Approximately.......  _now_."

_Knock knock._

"Roman? I have breakfast ready downstairs for everyone! Logan and Virgil are still sleeping and I'll wake them up soon, but are you okay enough to eat... maybe? I know you've had trouble with that lately, but only a couple bites... please? I made your favourite... and even if you can't stand, or if you feel too weak to move I can bring in a plate for breakfast in bed... if you would like." Patton's voice was muffled through the door that Roman had just summoned with a wave of his hand.

"Have fun" Roman laughs quietly to himself before turning on his side, allowing Pill to escape his grip.

Pill grunts lowly before sliding their legs to the side of the bed and getting to their feet.

They could do this.

Do it for him.

**-**

"Remus. Did you get it or not?" Deceit was tired of his games at this point. Tired of everything. He just wanted this chapter closed at last. There's been too much happening and Remus wasn't making it any easier for the deceitful side.

"Ughhhh you're no fun" Remus sighs dramatically and unwraps himself from Deceits waist.

"Just show me."

"Jeez fine... but after this-"

"After this, you're gonna need to do something else for me-"

"WhhHHHHat. Deeeeeee, that's so unfair. You said-"

"I didn't say anything. I asked you to do this task and then you put words in my mouth-"

"That won't be the only thing in your mouth later-"

"Remus. Focus. Can you do that?"

"... fine" Remus pouts as he summons his phone and goes through his gallery before handing his device to Deceit who frowned at the images displayed on the screen.

"Good. These are great. Perhaps you can crop yourself out of them before the next stage of the plan?"

"Uhhhhmmm no? I look damn good in these, you can't disagree. See how I was waving around his arms? I was hashtag twinning Dee. It's not hashtag twinning if me, the best twin isn't in it."

Deceit rubbed his temples in a show of frustration before rolling his eyes and handing back the phone.

"Sure Remus whatever. I just this need one more thing and then you're done, okay? Are you going to hear me out?"

"Okie Dokie, okie, okie, okie, okieokieokieokie-"

"Remus! Hush! Goddamn- why?- whatever. Okay. What I need now is for you to show these photographs to one of the other sides. Preferably Virgil, but any of them will do. Surely one of them should be thinking about something disturbing so it should be easy for you to pop in on them and-"

"Nah."

"Okay, good-... what?"

"I don't wanna."

"What- I don't care if you ' _don't wanna_ '. I  _need_ you to do this."

"And I  _need_ a good goddamn fuck."

"Well, that's not happening."

"Then neither is your request" Remus folds his arms and falls to the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. Except this child isn't demanding candy, no. He's demanding a whole different kind of sugar.

"Remus, why are you being so difficult today? It took the promise of precisely one-third of Patton's breakfast cookie to get you to actually take the photos, which by the way, I don't need to nor do I want to know why you needed specifically one-third of Patton's breakfast cookie-"

"I just wanted to eat it" Remus pouts from his place on the floor as to which Deceit raises an eyebrow.

"Well, that's a pleasant surprise-"

"With my ass."

"Whoop, whoop there it is" Dee sighs and slides down the wall beside Remus.

"What's going on my rat? You've been acting off lately." Dee lowers his voice as he lifts Remus' head onto his lap.

"Idk" Remus shrugs and stares off to the wall on the other side of the room, tracing the yellow coloring of the door it had with his eyes.

"Did you just literally say 'i-d-k'?-"

"I just feel... good. You know? Like overall amazing and just fucking splendid..."  
__  
"I hate it."  
  
"I  _hate_  feeling good, and okay, and healthy! It sucks and I loathe it so much so that it makes me want to  _rip_ my skin off... and not in a kinky way, unfortunately," Remus sighs like the dramatic person he is.

"It's hard to admit that you're not lying... you know what? Congratulations. I think you're the only person I've met to ever complain about feeling fine" Dee chuckles to himself as Remus pouts.

"It just feels so  _wrong_ and off..." Remus shrugs. He was getting... oddly emotional and deep. Deceit was caught off guard, but not completely hating having a legitimate conversation with the other.

There was silence for a while... it was... odd. Deceit wasn't sure if he liked it. Silence when Remus was around? Unheard of... besides there was... something else. Deceit raised an eyebrow before speaking.

"Is there... anything else?"

More silence.

It was becoming unsettling.

"Remus?"

...

"Roman's dying..."

"... oh... is... is that news to you?"

"no..."

"Then... why is it now that it bothers you-"

"It  _doesn't_  bother me." Remus cuts the other off in a defensive tone.

"Okay... I'll reword my phrasing... why are you bringing it up  _now_?"

"I don't know" The other shrugs.

...

"I guess... I... I feel it now."

"Feel what now?"

"...him... h-him fading"

"Remus... I-"

"Nevermind. You wouldn't get it... you don't have a brother"

"I didn't know you actually  _cared_ about him-" that word seemed to set off red alarms in Remus' head.

"aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHH SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!- whatever, whatever, whatever! Who cares! It's Roman! No one cares!" Remus springs up from Deceits lap and wipes his eyes slightly leaving Deceit to question the trait in front of him. Who knew Remus was capable of such complex feelings?

"Are you crying?-"

"NO! SHUT UP! WHAT?- WHAT AM I DOING?! WHAT DID YOU NEED ME TO DO AGAIN? SUCK SOMEONE'S DICK!? I'M UP FOR IT!"

"Remus there is no dick sucking to be done- how did we get back to square one so quickly? What the fuck-"

"OH, RIGHT I NEEDA GO SHOW SOMEONE FUCKED UP PICTURES OF MY DYING BROTHER COOL! BRB, AFK, GTG BABE"

...

And just like that. He was gone.

' _Huh._ ' Deceit thought in surprise. He didn't really have any words to describe what just happened.

...

**-**

_Maybe I should just kill Virgil-_

"Boo!"

Logan jumped out of his desk chair at that.

"What-... oh... it's you" Logan sighs to himself before getting to his feet and wiping off some nonexistent dust from his clothes. He then proceeds to sit in his chair and continue his 'studies'.

"Logannnnn- Logan don't ignore me- Logan!" Remus whines as he spins Logan's swivel chair toward him.

Lo immediately notices Remus' red-stained eyes.

"Remus are you in some sort of emotional distress? I suggest Patton if that's... the... case... nevermind. Don't bother Patton. I will help you as much as I possibly can-"

"What!? No! I ain't in emotional anything! I'm here because a certain someone had some troubling thoughts about murdering a fellow side~"

"Wh- I... that was a one-off thought. I would never bring any physical harm to Virgil... intentionally... also why is it now that you come when such a troubling thought plagues my mind? Why not much much earlier while we were discussing Deceit's eventual demise?"

"Because one; Virgil is always thinking about murdering my Dan-Dee-lion so that's no fun and it's annoyingly repetitive two; it's not every day, it's you who has thoughts about a possible homicide, especially about Virgil, and three; I have something to show youuuuu on meh phonee. I think you will find it rather interesting if I do say so myself"

"Jesus help me- Remus if I see a single penis and or a buttock on your cellular phone's screen I will  _literally_  throw you out of a window. I am not, nor will I ever be in the mood for... that level of nudity and violation of privacy."

"Worry not Calculator Watch-"

"Roman already used that one" Logan scoffs under his breath as he turns his desk chair away from Remus and continues on some unfinished scheduling that was meant to be done a few days ago. Logan's own schedule took quite the hit when Roman began acting off.

"Oh yes. Speaking of that Duntz." Remus says as he summons his phone into existence.

Logan tries his best to ignore the other but found it much harder than he initially thought. Lo glances to the watch on his wrist... it's almost nine in the morning  _already_?... Logan hadn't slept yet... he swore it was only three am just a couple moments ago...

Patton wasn't going to be happy about this. The two had just moved past Logans sleeping problems. He was doing so well. He'd slept every night for two whole months up until this point... what happened?...

Oh right.

Patton wasn't there to help him keep track of time anymore.

It was his own fault.

He can't think, he can't focus or write properly, and he was tired and just so... so... he was just so  _mad._ Mad at Virgil, mad at Roman, mad at Deceit, at Patton, at himself! And right now? He was about to murder a side because of it.

"Hey! OI! Dictionary-dot-com! Pay attention to me-"

"Remus I am becoming extremely irritable at the moment. If you don't stop yourself from screaming right this second I will have no choice but to stab you in the neck with my goddamn pencil and I will not hesitate to continue you stab you with said pencil until I am sure you are a corpse on my cold hard wooden floor-"

"Speaking of corpses being dead on the floor-"

Right before Logan was about to take a swing with his oddly sharp pencil Remus held up his phone... his screen beheld... something... Logan had not prepared himself for.

The sight of the images made Logan physically sick.

"Sooooooo my brother is lowkey dying right now. Oh, and those words? Totally your fault as well as the others. He's also kinda suicidal I think? He stabbed himself too probably? Blamed it all on Dee or something, but honestly, I wasn't really paying enough attention to remember all the details properly. I do know however that I'm looking damn good in these photos, especially in comparison to Ro- "

Remus didn't even get to finish his explanation before the other side basically flew out of his room and out the door with Remus' phone in hand.

Remus stared at the now open door that was basically kicked off its hinges in distraught as he felt... something in the pit of his stomach. It didn't hurt or anything... it was just... the absence of something... something important. It was slipping, and Remus didn't like it... at all.

He'd deny he ever thought such a thought, but... he... he hopes Roman's going to be okay...

**-**

Logan was three steps away from Roman's room, Remus' phone held close to his chest as he sees Patton.  _Patton_... he missed Patton- no time for that!  
  
Sentiment is what got him here in the first place! He was deprived of sleep and unable to stop the world around him from spinning, but none of that mattered! What mattered was the side who Patton was currently talking to.

Without thinking through his next course of action he immediately reached for 'Roman' and pulled him away from a very confused and... tired-looking Patton.

"Ow! Wha- what the heck!?" 'Roman' expressed as Logan pulled his sleeve up in an attempt to find... something!... but... there wasn't anything? Perhaps foundation? Logan spat into his hand and rubbed as tenderly as possible. He just wanted to see if it was true! To see if there were those... terrible words carved into the other's skin. The photographs were so graphic and, and  _real_ \- ... Jesus Christ his head hurts.

"Logic! Ew- what the hell?!" 'Roman' whines lowly and pulls his arm away from the other as Logan stares blankly at Romans seemingly fine-looking arm... but... the images! They... looked so real. Patton stares at the two in obvious confusion... but surprisingly not in Logan's actions. No, he was more confused in Roman's word choice. Since when did he ever call Logan 'Logic'? It was always some snappy nickname or Lo, never Logic.

Meanwhile, Logan was thinking, thinking, thinking. Logan wouldn't put it past Remus to conjure up something so disturbing and the fact that the other seemed so off emotionally may be an indicator of some sort. Perhaps he took Remus' images far too seriously. He hadn't slept yet either so that may be a component to his questionable actions.

"How in the hell can Roman deal with this crap on a daily bases? I've only been here for literally three minutes and I've been spat on..." 'Roman' whispers under his breath causing Logans head to snap up. Obviously the other hadn't meant for him or Patton to hear him.

"What did you just say?" Logan asks as he steps toward the other who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"W-what? I didn't say anything? Are you alright there buddy? Spent all night looking up constellations or something?"

Pill was panicking. They weren't meant to say that out loud! They can't fuck this up. Who knows what Roman would do if the others found out... he's bad enough already. This would send him over the edge.

"U-uhm... L... Loga- Lo... are you okay?" Patton's voice was quiet and full of anxiety. Logan hated that he cared how Patton was feeling. Was he alright? He looked tired. Did he get enough sleep? Had he been crying? His eyes looked watery. Oh god, what did he do to Patton? He shouldn't have yelled at him like that- but he did belittle his opinions, but... but he sounded so small and nervous and fragile and sad and tired and- oh god here comes Virgil. He didn't look any better than Patton. Is he overthinking again? He tends to do that when he was tired... tired... everyone looked so tired... apart from Roman. What's going on with Roman? Is he okay? How did his wound heal so fast? Is it even possible for Roman to be standing at the moment? Depends on his room and it's powers as well as Romans state of mind, but Logan wouldn't know anything about that no, he doesn't know  _anything_ because his thoughts are so jumbled and loose and oh god Patton! He just wants to nap with Patton!- but- ugh!-

"Of course I am doing quite well Morality. I was just... checking something that was obviously a sick trick created by The Duke" Well... that wasn't the response he had hoped to come out of his mouth... but it was what it was. He can't change it, and it honestly may be the best thing for the time being.  
  
"O-okay... that's u-uh... yeah. Good..."  
  
...

"Wellllll... this is awkward and my arm is all... wet and gross now. Does someone wanna fill me in? Pat? Mr. Gloom and Doom? Logan? Anything?"

The awkward silence was too much.

"Just... leave it be Princey" Virgil rubs his red-stained eyes.

"Let's just go eat or something... are you okay by the way?" Virgil's voice was quiet but clear. He was a mess. He barely slept, maybe an hour or two at most. He was just in a constant state of panic all night... it was unsettling. Last night was one of the worst in his life. He hadn't experienced a panic attack  _by himself_ for so long up until now. Usually, Patton would help him calm down, or even Logan and Princey. But last night was a goddamn nightmare. He couldn't breathe all night and the only reason he had, had any sleep was because he passed out due to his hyperventilative state.

"Hmm? Oh yeah definitely. Being stabbed in the abdomen by mys- by Deceit is leaving me feeling absolutely peachy" that was oddly sarcastic for Roman... Logan takes note somewhere in the mess that was his own thoughts.

"I... I'm too tired for this shit, but- did you, as in Roman Sanders just sass me? Because I am quite offended" Virgil chuckles in an attempt to bring the mood up even though all he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never return. But if he didn't try, then who was? God knew Patton wasn't in any state to try to lighten the mood... and Logan? Well... he felt guilty enough about that. He wasn't about to put any more pressure on the logical side.

"What? Oh, shit- sorry I mean, I'm uh...  _fine_ " Pill barely choked that one out. God they weren't going to be able to stand here and listen to all of their drama. They had enough drama on their hands as it is, and they just wanted to get back to Roman already.

Virgil raised his eyebrow at that answer and just sighed in response while looking around the hallway. Patton and Logan refused to make eye contact and no one was making a move to do anything.

"So... food?" 'Roman' asks Virgil who nodded quickly and grabbed the others hand and lead him down the stairs leaving Patton and Logan to stand there awkwardly.

Logan glanced at the other who was currently hugging himself in some sort of defensive manner. Lo was about to make a move toward the kitchen before Patton piped up and spoke.

"DID!... Did... uhm... did you... sleep at all... last night? Sorry, I just noticed you're uhm... well you get this look on your face when you don't sleep and you seem to have that... look on your face right now and... well... and... sorry- I'm just... worried? Sorry I- ugh sorry- okay I'll stop talking... sorry" Patton muttered before spinning around on his heel and walking quite quickly downstairs.

Logan stood at the top of the staircase in silence for a while watching as Patton makes a b-line for the kitchen before he sighs to himself and rubs his eyes under his glasses.

' _Why are we all such a mess?_ '

**-**

"I'm just stating facts. And facts are that tomatoes are literally the best things to have ever been created by God" 'Roman' laughs loudly and boisterously as he bites into a tomato like it was an apple. In reality, Pill couldn't stand the red fruit... or was it a vegetable? Pill didn't care. All they knew was that Roman adored tomatoes and they'd just have to suffer through eating them.

"Love him or hate him, Roman's spittin' straight facts." Virgil chuckles under his breath as they all eat their breakfast while Patton starts the dishes.

Everyone's smiling and semi-talking.

In reality, all those smiles are fake.

Pill is exhausted from all this 'acting'. They don't know how Roman could do it all the time. They were also hating the fact that Virgil made them laugh on multiple occasions with his sarcastic sense of humor and the fact that Logan was so awkward Pill couldn't help but relate, and Patton's hugs? Were literally the best thing ever?- regardless Pill saw some of what Roman was talking about... but they were still biased against the others and they still couldn't stand them at times. Whenever they did think the others were okay people? Flashes of Romans torn apart skin made their way into Pills thoughts and they were right back at square one. He hated them all. Despised them. Pill just had to make it through another half an hour. It would all be fine after that... they hope.

Virgil was about to pass out, or well... that might be an over-exaggeration, but he really, really, needed sleep. He was exhausted from the amount of crying he had done the night before. He wasn't used to his old schedule anymore. Patton would usually comfort him, but it seems like everything had just... reversed. Like he'd gone back in time. Patton was avoiding Virgil for obvious reasons... it didn't hurt any less, but Virge understood Patton needed space. Logan wasn't interacting with anyone other than Roman and if he wasn't doing that he was either avoiding eye contact with Patton, getting up to get more coffee, or he was watching Roman intensely... and Ro?... well Virgil was glad to see Roman eating, and actually seeming to be acting like himself... but then again there was something weird about it. He was... too normal... is he overanalyzing again? Probably. But he still felt off. Watching Roman laugh and eat and be here? It was weird. But he wasn't about to go and ruin everything  _again_. His anxiety could piss off! He hated that, that was his whole existence here. And what sucked more? Was the fact that he was anxious about being anxious right now. It was confusing and annoying and it was just messing with his head. The only thing keeping him together right now was the coffee and Roman... he had that bad feeling in his gut again.  
  
_Dear god, get your shit together Virgil._

Logan was analyzing, analyzing, analyzing. He'd had his caffeine and he could function semi-well. Better than half an hour ago when he was having a mental breakdown. The caffeine seemed to do its job and kept Logan awake, aware and energized enough to think... sort of. His thoughts were much more organized now. He didn't know how he was living before he had become attached to Patton up until now, but he realized... coffee was his Patton before any of this happened. Coffee was keeping him alert and able to point out Romans odd behavior. So far all conversations with Roman had been about the galaxy beyond them. It's all about stars, planets, the milky way. Anything about space basically... only about space. There's been nothing about his ideas or anything about himself in general. Not even the occasional nickname, or attack on Logan's character either. Also Roman and Logan had started a 'Super Secret Bookclub' as Roman called it because he was scared Virgil would find out and he'd get embarrassed about the whole thing. Logan was confused why Roman was dead-set on keeping it a secret, but it was what it was, but that's beside the point. The two had found out that they both loved reading, and though their tastes in books were... literally the opposite of the other, they had found a compromise. Every once and a while they recommended books to each other and they would discuss said book... but there had been no talk or conversation about it. Roman hadn't even commented on Logan's latest suggestion, which was confusing. Logan was sure the other would've liked it. Regardless. This wasn't the only thing that bothered Logan.

Roman was drinking coffee, not Milo or hot chocolate like he usually would. He was also eating more than Virgil was (which was shocking), and he hadn't sung anything all morning. He would only talk to Patton about animals and only Disney with Virgil. It was all too... perfect. Logan was going to need more coffee if he wanted to get to the bottom of this.

Patton... Patton was so happy. Well... on the outside at least. He promised he'd tell the others when he was in emotional distress, but that seemed like such a small problem in comparison to everything that's been going on lately. Even right now Patton feels confused... and just so, so confused... and sad and broken and just altogether he feels pretty shit right now. Patton's avoiding communication with Virgil, he feels awkward and knows this wasn't the right thing to do, but he just couldn't bring himself to act normally if that was supposedly hurting Logan.  _Logan_. Logan had been consuming an alarming amount of coffee this morning. Patton was worried. He's falling down that hole again and Patton couldn't do anything, but watch it happen. If he did interject, he's afraid Logan may snap and become... angry. Which was a sight no one deserves to witness. Logan and his temper wasn't a force to be reckoned with. So that was off the table. Logan would sure as hell flip if Virgil attempted to speak with him and Roman had been through enough already, so really there was nothing to be done... Patton just wanted things to be back to normal. Or at least he wanted everyone to be happy and healthy... honestly he was just being selfish. Deep, deep down he just wanted Logan back. Back in his arms. But he'd messed it all up and now he can't do anything about it. He wasn't really doing anything to help the situation either. He's ignoring Virgil knowing how much that could affect the other, and he's doing the goddamn  _dishes_! THE  _DISHES_. HE WAS DOING THE DISHES WHILE THIS WAS ALL PLAYING OUT! He was a goddamn bystander and he couldn't do anything about it. He was watching everyone he loved crumble.

So yeah... breakfast went off without a hitch... or well... up until a certain snake and his partner in crime appeared at the kitchen doorway.  
  
"Hello! Hell-oh! HELLO! Logan lookin' sharp, just like that pencil you threatened me with earlier, Pat the hat cat, looking... like shit honestly. You to Finding N-emo, yah look like you barely made it out of hell. And Ro-... oh." Remus squints as his gaze lands on 'Roman'. Remus frowns as Deceit makes his way into the kitchen, noticing the glares he'd got immediately. He turned to Remus in confusion.  
  
"You did what I told you to, right?" Deceit asks Remus noticing the glaring competition going between 'Roman' and the side he was currently trying to hold a conversation with.  
  
"Yeah. I showed Logan." Remus mutters under his breath as 'Roman' glares at him in warning not to say shit.

"You mean that ridiculous and honestly quite disgusting joke you decided to play on me? Honestly, that's an all-time low even for you" Logan spits out. Well... that was... very emotionally charged.  
  
"What- how can you STILL deny the obvious problem?! You've had to have seen it!" Deceit rolls his eyes. He's so over everything that's been happening lately.   
  
"You're the only problem I see here." Virgil cusses to himself, trying to calm down his already irritated nerves.  
  
"Agreed. Oh and Remus, here is your cellular device. Please never take advantage of my sleep-deprived mental state  _ever_  again or show me such gruesome things or I will have no choice but to ignore your existence altogether. Please, and thank you." Logan states as he gets to his feet and hands Remus his cellphone before making his way back to the kitchen table and sipping on the last of his tenth cup of coffee in an attempt to ignore the two sides who had just joined them.  
  
Deceit was speechless at the level of totally obliviousness and idiocy happening before him. This was expected for Patton and maybe Virgil. But Logan? What the fuck is happening right now?  
  
"Show them your arms" Deceit turns his attention toward 'Roman' who was just sitting there quietly trying desperately to stay out of the situation.  
  
"Rather not. Last time that happened Logan spat all over me" Pill huffs. They were still salty okay?  
  
"I don't give a shit what you want. Just show them and get it over and done with for fuck sake! They're going to find out sooner or later." Dee yells as he starts walking toward the 'creative side'. He was reaching his breaking point at this unnecessary drama happening at the moment.  
  
"Back. Off." Virgil's voice was low and intimidating as he gets to his feet to create distance between 'Roman' and Deceit.

"No, no. It's fine Virge." 'Roman' says as he stands up and past Virgil to face Deceit.  
  
He immediately pushes back his sleeves and holds out his arms for the other to examine.  
  
"Check it" Roman winks as Dee does just that. He grabs a wet tee-towel that Patton had been previously using before Remus and himself showed up and began rubbing off the foundation he thought was surely there... but nothing came off the others skin and the tee-towel was clean. Deceit raised an eyebrow at that and a confused sound came from his mouth.  
  
"Wh... what the fuck?"  
  
"What were you hoping to find?" Pill chuckles under his breath as Dee continued to rub and rub his arm with the tee-towel in frustration. At this point, all he was accomplishing was making Pills skin red and irritated.  
  
"This- what did you do? How-"  
  
"There. You did what you needed to. Now please. Just leave it be" Patton interjected. He'd had enough.  
  
"No you don't- you don't understand! There... there should be... Remus! Give me the phone!" Deceit yells as he walks toward Remus who was being oddly quiet and ripped the phone away from his grip.  
  
"Look! This is what's sup-"  
  
Virgil took one look at it, and all hell broke loose. He was in panic mode. It freaked him the fuck out! He turned away from the device and wrapped himself up in a ball on the ground.  
  
" **THROW IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY! GET RID OF IT!** " Virgil's voice was low and intimidating. His Tempest Tongue had reared it's ugly head.  
  
Deceit unwillingly threw the phone away leaving it airborne for just a millisecond before it ultimately ended up back into Remus' hands.

It looked so real. The tears in his skin? The blood? The words that were evidently things he himself had said to the other, how the fuck did that look so real?! It- it hurts. He can't breathe. Why? Why would Remus or Deceit make that?! Why would they- it was  _too much_.  _Too much_  blood.  _Too much_  hate. _Too much_  gore.  _Too much!_  
  
It sent him over the edge once again.  
  
"Why- why?! Why would you have something like that!" Patton too had to turn away from the image, clutching his stomach.  
  
"It's the truth! Sometimes the truth hurts! You have to deal with it-"  
  
"No. It was unnecessary and now you've sent Virgil into a state of panic for no reason!" Logan huffs and gets up to walk toward the darker trait who was doing his best to breathe properly. Logan was still... not fond of Virgil, but that doesn't mean he was going to let the other have a panic attack right in front of his eyes and do nothing about it. He was mad, but this was his family. And currently, in Logan's eyes, Deceit and Remus were trying to rip it apart. He wouldn't let it happen.  
  
"Are you doing your breathing exercises correctly Virgil?"  
  
"M-Mhm- n-no, ah. N-not working!"  
  
"Shhh, it's okay. Look how about we try something else? Can you name five things you can see?" Logan pats the others back in an attempt to calm him while Patton leans over the sink, about to throw up his breakfast.  
  
"I-I m... my b-bangs?- a- the- the kitchen tiles?... i- i... the cupboards?... you- your eyes... a-and... Patton" Virgil sniffles as Logan nods along with his answers.  
  
"That's great Virgil. You're doing very well. How about four things you can hear?"  
  
"Oh come on! This is so unnecessary!" Dee yells out, though honestly he too was following Logan's instructions in his head in an attempt to calm himself down from having a goddamn spasm, but he had enough of this.  
  
"No. What is unnecessary is your goddamn yelling. Now. Shut up and let him calm down. Then we will have a discussion. Okay,  _Deceit_?" Logan spits his 'name' like it was venom.  
  
Dee rolls his eyes and just nods in response.  
  
"Good. Now. Virgil, four things you can hear?"  
  
"D- deceit-deceits stup-stupid voice, t-the ke-kettle, your... your u-uh- i... your breathi- breathing, a-and... I... the... my... Patton's gagging..." Virgil mumbles quietly to himself, Logan was really the only one who could hear him.  
  
"Okay. Three things you can feel?"  
  
"The... cold-ness-ness f-from th-e uhm... fridge. Th-e- the sweat forming on my forehead... you... your hand on my back..."  
  
"Two things you can smell?"  
  
"Breakfast... and dishwashing liquid?"  
  
"And finally one thing you can taste."  
  
"Coffee..."  
  
"Good. Do you feel okay enough to stand?" Logan asks as he himself gets up from his squatting position and offers a hand to the other side.  
  
"Y... yeah- I... sorry Logan" Virgil mutters under his breath as he takes Logan's hand and stands up.  
  
"It's no problem, Virgil... Patton are you okay?" Logan asks as he stalks toward the usually happy side who was gagging at the sink, about to throw up everywhere.  
  
Patton didn't say anything, but Logan continued to rub the others back until he felt better.  
  
"It's alright Patton. It isn't real."  
  
"Actually-"  
  
"It. Isn't. Real." Logan side glares at Deceit who just rolls his eyes in response.  
  
Pill stood where they were awkwardly and watched everything unfold. Well. This whole group is just a goddamn mess huh? No wonder Pill couldn't leave Roman in their hands for more than half an hour. This is just... too much. Everyone here needs therapy, they swear. That includes Roman... and themselves with all the shit they've seen in their short lifetime.

"Whatever you say Logan" Deceit scoffs. He's not crazy right? He knows what he saw. What he touched... what he added to.  
  
After a few more minutes of chatting, eventually, it turned back into full out screaming matches resulting in Pill trying their best to slink away and Deceit up against three tired and emotionally broken sides. It was exhausting to watch.  
  
Remus took the phone that was basically thrown back into his possession just a few minutes ago and looked down at the images taken only a few hours earlier, frowning at the state his brother was in.  
  
The shouting around him continued.  
  
"You're letting him die." Remus says quietly as he makes eye contact with 'Roman'. He knows it's Pill. He knows this isn't... this isn't helping in the slightest.  
  
Pill's head snapped up at that.  
  
"You don't know  _shit_." They spat out. They know none of the other sides could hear what they were saying. Everyone was shouting over one another it was impossible to make out any one stream of yelling.  
  
"You weren't there- you  _aren't_ there for Roman. You never were, you never are! All you or these other sides do is make his life a _living hell_. You don't know what's best for Roman. It sure as hell isn't this bullshit! Virgil can barely keep himself together, Logan can't even look after himself, Patton- whoo boy. Patton's just a goddamn mess by himself, and Deceit has some stupid power-hungry fantasies that will never happen. And  _you_? Don't even get me started. You unsympathetic, psychopathic, JD-looking asshole! You don't have the right to tell me what's best for Roman. You don't care! None of these assholes care! I don't even know how he deals with this shit! And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment, don't lecture me about Roman, you didn't fight for him. You think I'm frightened of you--"

Pill was cut short of their rant and accidental Hamilton reference by a sudden pain in the pit of their stomach. Both Pill and Remus fell to their knees in excruciating pain.  
  
"F-uck" Pill chokes out from the floor as they reach their arm out to grasp something... anything. But right at that moment, they noticed something. They could see through their hand. They could  _literally_   _see_ through their own hand. Holy shit! Holy shit- they- they're fading! Roman!- They need to get to Roman!  
  
"Remus?!"  
  
"Roman?!"  
  
Virgil and Deceit yelled out in unison as they noticed the others fall to the floor.  
  
"H-help. R-Roman! Roman! Help hiM!" Remus was bawling his eyes out and whimpering out for help in the middle of the kitchen floor while Deceit connects the dots in his head as they watch the others struggle, unable to do anything. Roman's... Roman's not Roman!... it's that stupid body pillow thing Ro was droning on about earlier! Goddamit! Why didn't he make the connection earlier!?  
  
"Roman!- get me to Roman!" Pill screams from the floor as they attempt to crawl there themselves.  
  
"Ro- Roman what's happening- what do you want me to do?!" Virgil cries out as Deceit throws Remus over his shoulder.  
  
"Pick him up! Follow me!" Deceit yells out as he turns his back.  
  
"Why the  _fuck_  would I do anything you say!" Virgil sobs out, "JUST LISTEN TO HIM YOU-- AHGH- JUST DO IT!" Pill snaps and reaches up to Virgil who was shocked at the sudden outburst.  
  
"O-Okay- if that's what you wan-t" Virgil stutters and picks the other up gently and follows Deceit unwillingly, but quickly. He didn't like  _any_ aspect of this.  
  
"What- what's happening?! Logan! L-Lo- what's happening" Patton cries out as runs out of the kitchen and follows the others who were close behind Deceit. He caught up to Logan first.  
  
"I-I... I don't know. But I don't like it" Logan mutters under his breath as he grips his stomach harshly.  
  
He had a  _bad_ feeling.  
  
Patton looked up at his partn-... 'friend' and though he knew he'd regret it later, he took hold of Logan's hand. Logan at first didn't seem to react, but once he realized the extra warmth he squeezed the hand rather tightly as they approached a certain rainbow-themed door.  
  
Everyone's stomach dropped as they all watched Deceit reach out for the door handle and push it open.  
  
No one was ready for what was behind that door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **heh. heheh. HEHEHEHEH- im so sorry. this is literally the worst place to leave this chapter, but like... the best? APOLOGIES THIS TOOK SO LONG ALSO IVE JUST BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND WORK u know the usual, but i'll try to update more... i tried making this longer, so i hope it was worth it! sorry if its shitty i had a hard time explaining some important points, BUT YEE. love you guys and i hope u like/hate this cause those two things always seem to go hand in hand when angst is involved ahaha... wonder what happened to ro... or what is happening... cough... if you guys have ANY questions please ask and I'll do my best to answer them... as long as it isn't too spoiler-y. so yeah! TELL ME IF THERE ARE ANY GRAMMATICAL SPELLATRICAL ERRORS U COWARDS THANKS! And I hope you enjoyed and I love you guys! Peace out!**
> 
> **Cheers!**
> 
> **Bai, bai ^-^**
> 
> **Lubs ❤**
> 
> **_-ExistentTrash_ **


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